Life's Circumstances
by Victorious-FutureFictions
Summary: As kids Jade Cat & Tori all find themselves in situations almost impossible to bring themselves out of. Through rape, child pornography, death & negligence, these three girls tough it out & make it to their teen years still with their heads held high. But what will happen when the past interferes with the future, one falls for one another & life's circumstances stand in their way?
1. Imagine That

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious**_

**Hey guys, I got a new story for my loves. No, this one is not a future fiction. I decided to write a regular fiction to see how it goes. **

**Thanks to all my followers! I hope you guys like this one just as much as my other stories!**

**Enjoy!**

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**Life's Circumstances**

Chapter 1

_Imagine That_

**[Jade's POV]**

Nights like these are nights I regret being alive. I have to ask my maker why? Why give me a life if I wish I didn't have it? Why live a life wishing you were dead? I hate my life. It's full of liars and people I can't trust. Sometimes I feel I can't even trust myself. Now what does that tell a person?

My eyes stay open as I look at the dark ceiling in my room. The red and black curtains are closed closing out all and any moonlight that might want to shine through my windows. His hands are all over me. I can't make them stop feeling on me. No matter what I do, no matter what I say, those hands will still be here. They were here yesterday. They are here now. And they will be here tomorrow. I can't escape them. They have become a regular routine every night and I have learned to live with it.

My eyes squeeze shut as his hand slips into the fabric that covers up my woman hood. It's like it doesn't belong to me. It belongs to him. He's taken my innocence. He's taken everything from me. I don't have a word. I have to be quiet because if I make a sound, I'll "get it". And "it" hurts. It hurts bad. I can't make a sound because he doesn't want my mother to hear. If she hears, I'll get in trouble. If I tell, I'll get in trouble. If only she knew what goes on every night while she's sleeping soundly down the hall. If only.

"You like that don't you?" He asked in a low disturbing voice. And I nod, because I have to nod. If I don't agree I'll "get it". I want to tell my mother. I want to tell her what her boyfriend does to me so bad, but I can't. Because he said if I do, he'll kill me, and he'll kill her. I don't want that to happen so I keep my mouth shut. I let him do whatever he wants to to me and I take it all because I have no other option; I have no other choice. I close my eyes and I pretend I'm anywhere but here. But it still comes through. I can still feel his actions below as his fingers slides further down and inserts itself inside of me. And it hurts. It's a burning feeling almost kin to when you touch a burning cigarette with your finger, but it's inside of me. Imagine that.

I hear a panting sound coming from under his breath as the sounds of him beating his manhood fills the room. I know he isn't loud but to me it's so loud it's filling my room, it's filling the house, it's filling the silent world; these sounds that discomforts me so much I want to throw up. I want to roll over and die. But I can't. I'm still alive; fully alive and fully awake and even if I roll over, I'll still be fully alive and fully awake. There's no escaping.

I listen and feel until finally it's all over. He removes his hand from me and tucks me in with a kiss on my head as if nothing happened. He does this as if he's just the greatest father alive, but he's no father to me. He's nothing to me. Nothing.

I roller over to my side as a tear falls down my face.

I hate my life. I hate it. It brings me back to why we have one? I have no friends. I have no one to talk to. Of course there's school. But those other kids mean nothing to me. They all act as if life is wonderful. They run around and play and laugh as if life is just great, just dandy. They make me sick. I hate talking to them. I sit in a corner by myself all day. I don't communicate with anybody, but instead I write. I write in my journal. My teacher always asks me to play with the other kids but I refuse. She's always asking to see my journal, but I refuse. My journal is for my eyes and my eyes only, no one else's. I hate that teacher, I hate those kids, and I hate that school.

We are moving soon anyways. My mother's boyfriend has a new job and we have to tag along with him. Well I have to anyways. But I kind of see this as a good thing. Maybe at my new school I can find kids just like me. Maybe I can find another person to talk to that's actually worth my time. So I want to give this a try. I never want too many things especially new things. Just to be happy. And maybe a friend, just one friend can help with that. A friend can give me someone to talk to, to vent to and she will always be by my side and I'll always be by hers. I just can't wait until that day.

* * *

"Get the rest of your things Jadelyn, it's time to go." My mother spoke to me as she peaks her head into my empty room. Little did she know I already had all my things packed and into the van before she even had a chance to drink her morning coffee which is so important to her for some odd reason. I'll never understand grown-ups and coffee. It's a drink with a revolting look as if it were dirty pee, or shit water. That's what I think of it as.

I take another look around my empty dark room before stopping at my height measures I kept on the doorway of my closet. Slowly I walked over and stood in front letting my hand slide up each mark and age seeing how much taller I've gotten with each mark. I take off my small backpack and pull out a pen before turning around and measuring myself again for the last time right above my head. I smile at how much taller I've gotten since the last time I measured myself at age seven. '_Age 9' _I wrote on the freshly drawn line I just made with a purple marker. I smile at it before tossing my marker back in my bag and throwing it back over my shoulder as my mother called me down to leave.

I ran down the stairs quickly to meet my mother at the front door. "Do you have everything?" She lifted a brow at me and I nod before she smiles at me and points out to the car in which I skipped out happily with my long brunette hair bouncing up and down with every skip that I take. I stop mid skip once I reach the car and spot Ron, her perverted boyfriend. I roll my eyes and stomp to the car door he held open for me with a smile plastered across his ugly face. I flash him a fake smile and a middle finger before hopping into the back seat of the van and reaching back to slide the door close on my own. I don't need his help for anything. I hope one day he's walking and then trips over his untied shoe, falls into the road, gets ran over by one of those concrete flatting trucks, and then let his brain ooze out all over the street. And I hope he feels every bit of that before he dies. All that pain, he'd deserve it.

Finally we were pulling off from the house I was literally born and grew up in. I've became slightly attached to this house. I mean…everything I know I've learned in that house and I am going to miss it, but like I said, moving is something new. I need something new, something different. _God let me like this new place._

What it is about Hollywood that everyone is so crazy over? Is it the stars? The opportunities? The big sign on top of the hill? Or is it the wanna be's? The people who try so hard their entire lives on the side of the street playing on a guitar just for a couple of dollars just to be seen, but never make it anywhere? The people who think living in Hollywood would actually get them somewhere in lives? Hollywood is nothing but a joke, a scam. It's no different than any other place here on earth. How would I know? Because I just know. Never question me, I hate that.

After what seemed like about 10 years of driving we finally pulled up to a decent looking 3 story home. Scratch that, a three story _house._ Only a family can make a house a home, and these people I live with are not family. Well don't get me wrong, I do love my mom, but she has her days and her ways. That boyfriend of hers is nothing to me, and my dad left before I was even born so I don't even know who he is. Even though Ron does what he does, at least he's still around for me and buys me things and tells me he loves me every now and then. That's more than my real father ever did and or ever will do.

"Go pick you a room." My mother said after she opened the door and let me inside. My mouth dropped slightly. The house was beautiful. I've never seen anything like it in real life. It's that type of shit you only see on television. _What the hell do these people do to own a house like this? _

I started to sprint quickly up the spiraling stairs as I heard my mother call out "Not the master bedroom!" in which I was already aiming for. I mean hey, she said pick a room she didn't give limits.

I stopped at the first room I came to and took a peak in but quickly shook my head. "Too small." I said to myself before running down to the next room. I pushed opened the half open door to see literally a sparkling bathroom. It's that type of stuff you see in a cartoon, you know when something is really clean and it sparkles? This was really sparkling I'm dead serious. Leaving the bathroom I made a mental note to check the whole thing out next since just taking a peak didn't even cover even half of the huge bathroom.

I came to another room in which the door was wide open. This room had dark red and white walls with black and white carpet and black baseboards. "Yes!" I said to myself as I walked all the way in and threw my bag down on a bed that was already settled into the room. I jogged over to my window and opened it up to see a great view of our back yard equipped with a swimming pool/Jacuzzi a tennis/basketball court and a huge open space for whatever we wanted to do with it I guess.

I smiled as I sat back and took a breath. "I can get use to this." I nodded to myself before closing my windows.

"Jadelyn! Come down here please!" My mother called as I rolled my eyes and hopped from my windowsill. I jogged down the spiraling stairs and down into the living room to see an older woman with a smile on her face with a little girl most likely around my age mimicking that same goofy smile.

"This is my daughter Jadelyn. Jadelyn this is Ms. Holly and her daughter Victoria." My mother smiled at me. "They are our new neighbors. You'll be going to school with Victoria here." She pointed to the brunette who stood in front of me with that goofy smile still plastered on her face. I already don't like this chick and she didn't even have to speak. She looks fake. Like those stupid kids from my old school who thinks life is so awesome and cool; Like she's the type that's all sweet from the outside but nothing but a rotting soul from the inside. Maybe it's a fake smile. Then that means she's a fake; she's a liar.

"Say hello Jade." My mother spoke firmly. She hates it when she introduces me to people and I don't speak. But I don't care. I hate being introduced, maybe one day she'll figure that out.

"Hi." I said as I crossed my arms and looked the girl over.

"Hi Jadelyn. You can call me Tori."

"My name is Jade and whatever." I said with my arms still crossed as my mother nudged me softly. I said I wanted new friends. She's not what I had in mind. Oh and I can hear the voices in my head saying. _"Oh well Jade…you haven't even given her a chance"_ and _"well Jade at least talk to the girl"_ and _"well Jade you don't even know her". _Shut the hell up! I don't like her! I know when I don't like somebody. I don't like her vibe! It's already annoying!

"Well it was nice meeting you all. I'm sure you have a lot of unpacking to do, so we will get out of your way." Holly said as she grabbed her daughter's hand.

"Oh it's no rush. Actually I believe Jade would love some help and company unpacking her room." My mother smiled at me and then at Tori.

_Oh she better not!_

"Tori how would you like to help Jade for a bit?" My mother smiled at her and then back at me. I gave her the most evil look I could muster. "I don't need help." I said through gritted teeth and she nudged me again.

"Of course you do, don't be silly. Show Tori the room you picked Jade. The movers will have your boxes up in a few. Just show them which one is yours."

I uncrossed my arms and threw them in the air before turning around and heading for the stairs with this…Tori chick following behind. I can't believe she just did that. Did I ask for help? I mean really did I ask? I hate help, I already hate Tori. What's worse than help from Tori?

You know what…okay, okay, maybe just maybe I'm already taking things to….stubbornly. Maybe Tori isn't so bad. Maybe she's that friend I've been waiting for. Maybe I should…_could_ give her a chance. I mean okay she's barely said two words. I could be wrong about her right? I'm working on my judging people problem. I'll give her a chance.

"So what do you like to do?" I asked Tori once we reached the best room in the house…mine. The more I know about her the more I can figure out if this is the best friend I've always wanted or not. She better like the same shit I like or byebye.

"Mmm. I like lots of things." She smiled. "I really like to sing though."

Mmmm singing….I like to sing. But the question is what does she like to sing…"Like what? What's your favorite genre?"

She shrugged. "I like a little bit of everything. What about you?"

Yeah that was a real answer Tori. She doesn't need to know my business. Who is she to ask what I like? "None of your business." I told her as I watched her goofy smile turn into a frown and a look of bewilderment.

"….But you asked me.."

"…That doesn't mean you can ask me." I said as I flopped down on my bed and pulled out my cell phone.

"You have a cell phone?" She said as she ignored my comment and walked over to me to look over my shoulder.

"Yes. I'm assuming you have one not?" I lifted a brow but kept my gaze to my phone.

She took a seat beside me. "No. My parents said I have to wait until I'm at least 13 before I can have one."

"Sucks for you. How old are you anyways?" I asked as I scooted away from her. She's too close for comfort.

"I'm 9. You?"

"I told you don't ask me questions. If I want you to know something, I would tell you."

She frowned as she crossed her arms. "Well that's not fair."

"Life's not fair." I stated as I looked down at her wrist at a stupid looking bracelet that read _Tori Vega_. "Tori Vega huh? Sounds like Vegas."

She just shrugged as she looked down at her bracelet.

"I'm going to call you Vegas."

She furrowed her brows. "Why?"

"Because that's what I want to call you, Vegas, do you have a problem with that?" I glared at her in which she instantly shook her head. "Good." I smirked.

Okay so what do I make of Vegas? I mean…I don't see her as a best friend status, but she's the type I might want to keep around, want to know why? Because I can easily take advantage of her. I can make her do whatever I want. She's definitely the goody goody type, the type that doesn't take much risk and lives her life in a sugar castle, but I can tear her castle down and I will piece by piece. She won't talk back to me and I'm guessing it's because I intimidate her, no, I know I intimidate her and I only plan to make that worst. I want her shaking at her knees when she sees me, pissing her pants when I get too close. I can make it that way, it just needs some time and training, but she'll definitely be wrapped around my finger by the end of the month; by the end of the week if she's that vulnerable.

"So what's the shit hole like?" I asked as I stood to my feet and crossed my arms.

She gasped. "Excuse me?"

"School, the shit hole? What's it like?"

"You….you cuss?"

I face palmed myself. Okay I didn't think she was that much of a goody goody. "Get a life Vegas. I asked you a question, now answer it." I can tell she already hates the name I've given her. I can tell she already hates the way I'm treating her, but she's not going to say anything and she's going to answer my question, watch.

She put some of her hair behind her ear. "School is nice." She smiled.

See, told ya. I wonder who her friends are. Probably a bunch of more sugar castle idiots that act just like her. Vegas is weak, maybe I can teach her how to toughen up a bit, but not tougher than me of course. I have a reputation to set at this new school. I can't wait to see what bastards go here that I can bully around. I can have a whole group working for me. "Jade's Crew" is what I'll call it. They'll do anything that I say when I say it. They'll be so scared of me and Vegas will be apart of it too. Under me of course.

Finally the movers made it to our house and packed everything away where it should go. In the process Vegas claimed she had to go get ready for school tomorrow and that she'll come by to walk with me to the bus stop in the morning. I only didn't refuse because I had no idea where the bus stop was and even if she did explain I'd still be lost. So granted, she can take me to the bus in the morning, but never again.

After dinner I made sure to have the best outfit picked out for my first day because first impressions are always the most important. Laid out for tomorrow I have a plain fitted black shirt that says "kill me now" with a picture of purple open scissors ready to chop anything off that got in their way. Also I have a black and dark purple lace skirt and thin back stockings with my black Combat Boots with purple laces to match. On my dresser I laid out dark purple high lights to clip into my hair tomorrow morning before heading off. I think my outfit is perfect.

_I can't wait._

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**Thanks for reading guys! PLEASE REVIEW! Tell me what you think? First chapter reviews are always the most important! ;)**


	2. Model Status & New Friend

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious**_

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Chapter 2

_Model Status & New Friend_

**[Cat's POV]**

***Flash, Flash, Flash***

"Alright Nelson can you just put your hand on Cat's thigh. Higher…perfect right there, don't move."

***Flash, Flash***

"Ariana you have tostop moving babe."

***Flash, Flash, Flash***

"Ariana stop moving, do like your sister. Good. Sinjin stop making that face."

***Flash***

"Lift your chin a bit Cat, your head is falling. Perfect."

***Flash, Flash***

"And…we're good. Good job guys. Get dressed and ready for bed. We'll be up to tuck you guys in in a minute."

I giggled as I quickly hopped of off my adoptive brother Nelson and ran over to my night gown that laid in a heap on the floor before turning to my biological little sister and helping her in her own clothes.

Hiiiiii, my name is Caterina Valentine, but everyone calls me Cat. My sister Ariana and I were both put into foster care after our parents were killed in a car accident when I was only 3 and she was only 1, but it's okay. I don't remember my parents much at all and neither does she. We were both adopted into the same family in which I have two adoptive brothers, Sinjin he's 9 and Nelson he's 8. Me I'm 8 as well and my sister is 6. I like living here. We are always playing games and having so much fun, we even have a secret modeling set in our basement, but shhh I'm not supposed to tell anyone. Our dad and his friend have set up a whole life size photo booth in the basement! They told us that one day we will all be famous models and they are training us right now, but we aren't supposed to tell because if we do we won't be famous once we get older. They said if we tell a single soul they will have to tear down the photo booth and quit everything and we won't be famous models when we grow up and none of us wants that to happen. We all want to be famous so we don't tell anyone. Sometimes they make us take off all our clothes and take pictures by ourselves and sometimes together. They told us this is what kid models do and we are lucky to be a part. I'm just so excited about being a model when I get older. I will be so much smarter than the rest of the models because I started at a very young age.

We don't really have a mother. Well there's Ms. Danielle that comes along every now and then when there are people in suits at the house or when we are having a photo shoot. We are supposed to call her mom whenever she's around. I don't know why, but I just do as I'm told. She's a very nice lady. She reads us books and brings us gifts all of the time. And she even takes us to school in the morning sometimes. So she's like our mother, but she just doesn't live with us.

"Lights out." My father said as he peaked into my room. I smiled and laid down as he walked over to me and tucked me in. He gave me a small kiss on my head before walking back over to the door.

"Goodnight daddy."

"Goodnight. Get some sleep. See you in the morning." He said as he flicked the lights and started to walk out but came back in. "Oh and um, stop letting Ariana sneak in here at night to sleep with you. She has to learn to start sleeping in her own bed. So if she comes in here tonight tell her what I said, okay?"

I nodded. "Okay daddy." With that he closed my door and left me to sleep.

* * *

Mornings are always the best start of my day. I wake up, brush my teeth and then run down stairs for breakfast. I don't usually have to have anyone wake me up. I always wake up on my own early enough so I don't need an alarm. Daddy says I'm my own alarm! Breakfast is always so delicious! We don't eat breakfast at school like my friends Andre and Tori do. We eat here at the house were my dad makes a big breakfast. Usually it's made up of pancakes, eggs, bacon, and all those wonderful things. It's so yummy!

After breakfast I and my siblings run back upstairs and get ready for school after we've made our bed and straightened up our rooms. Our dad hates messy rooms and a messy house so we have to keep it clean or we'll get yelled at. I hate being yelled at.

Today Ms. Danielle is taking us to school, the one I told you about earlier. "You guys ready?" She smiled as she picked up my little sister Ariana and looked down at the rest of us. We all nodded before heading off to school.

* * *

"That's not how you do it Little Red, here let me show you." Andre told me as he took my marker away and started to trace the dots on my paper to show me how the game works.

Andre is my best friend. He's so sweet to me and he's always taking up for me when someone makes me sad. Sometimes the kids here can be so mean, but when Andre's around me, they are nice. Oh, and he always calls me Little Red because of my red hair. My dad dyed it about a year ago for the photos. He said the red hair makes me stand out and steal the picture more whatever that means, but I really love it! It's just like red velvet cake and I love red velvet cake, but it taste like hair. Trust me…I've tasted it.

"Okay class settle down class is about to be begin." Our teacher Ms. Jackson said before asking Tori to take a seat since she stood beside a girl I've never seen before.

"Hey Tor, who's that girl you were with?" I asked as she took her across from me. Our desk where in squares, so two people sat across and one beside me, which was taken by Andre.

"Oh, she's new. She just moved next door to me." Tori smiled as she looked over to her.

"Oh yay! A new friend! She can sit with us!" I clapped. I love new students. I love to teach them everything they don't know about the class and I love to introduce them to everyone! This will be great!

"Don't get your hopes up Cat, she's not very nice." Tori frowned as she turned back to the girl in all dark clothing who was in a conversation with Ms. Jackson. I don't judge. I bet she's nice. Everyone is nice on the inside somewhere. You just have to dig it out.

"Okay class we have a new student joining us today. Would you like to introduce yourself?" Ms. Jackson asked the little girl who faced the class with a grumpy face and crossed arms.

"No. I hate introductions." She stated in a tone that indicated that she very much didn't want to be here.

Ms. Jackson cleared her throat before putting her hands on the girl's shoulders. "This is Jadelyn West, she just moved here from New York. I'm pretty sure L.A. is very different from New York, so everyone please give Jadelyn-"

"-It's Jade." The girl stated in an aggravated tone.

Ms. Jackson glared at her. "Give _Jade_, a very warm welcome. Jade you can sit right over there with Tori since you too seem to be good friends." She pointed to our table and I got so excited. She gets to sit with us!

"I'm not her friend!" She yelled before stomping over to our table and flopping down in the empty seat. She reminded me of a dark night. I don't know why. Maybe it's all the black she's wearing. She looks like a goth. Maybe she is?

"Hiiiiiii! I'm Cat!" I smiled as I waved at her.

She crossed her arms and looked over at me with mean eyes. "Cat? Like the stupid animal?"

"Yes!"

"I hate Cats…why would your parents give you that awful name?"

"What's that supposed to mean!?" I said as I brought my hands to my face. I love my name! It's not awful!

"Hey, chill down." Andre said as he sat up in his chair pointing to Jade. "This is Caterina. We call her Cat for short. I'm Andre." Andre said as he gave her a half smile. "Why do you look so grumpy?"

"Why do you look so underdeveloped?"

"….Did you just call me stupid?" Andre asked offended.

"Oh I'm sorry, do you need a dictionary?" She lifted a brow as Andre sat back and shook his head.

After a moment of everyone just sitting in silence Jade threw her head back and yelled out how much she hated this school, hated us, hated the world, hated dang near everything. How could that even be possible? "Wow….so much hate. Do you love?" I asked as I put my hands back to the table.

"Yes I do love. I love to watch people get mutilated with a pair of scissors." She stated casually as she sat back and smirked.

"Oh my. Have you seen that in person!?" I said covering my mouth in sock.

"No, but I can make it happen." She smiled at me and I covered my eyes. _She's scary._

"Alright class settle down, it's time to get started." Ms. Jackson said before she started the lesson.

Today's math was a very easy lesson and very easy work. All we had to do was subtract today and we got to use math blocks to help us do it but of course some kids got carried away with the blocks and started to play with them and throw them around. Those kids got their blocks taken away, but our table didn't. We used them as we were told.

As I was working I couldn't help but notice the odd scary glances Jade kept giving me. It's like she was in a daydream, but a mad one because her face stayed stuck on angry. I think she liked me the least because of the way she was looking at me. What did I do wrong though? I was scared to say anything because she seemed like the type that would be really loud if you say one thing to her and I didn't want that to happen. I hate making scenes. It's so uncomfortable.

Finally my favorite part of the day! Recess! We get to play on the playground, with swings and slides and hopscotch and…gosh the list never ends! Today was a pretty hot day so a lot of kids decided to stay in the shade to keep cool, but not me! My favorite are the swings! I always feel like I can fly when I swing really, really high. A lot of kids like the swings also, not just me. They are always taken up and kids wait forever for somebody to give up a swing, but I never give up mine. I swing until recess is over.

"Hey!" I stopped my giggling as I turned my attention to the new girl….ummm Jade! Yeah that's her name. She stood beside my swing as I swung really high. She still didn't look happy, not even that she's outside in the sun. It looks like she has a shadow that follows her everywhere she goes. I wonder where that shadow comes from? Maybe it's because her clothes are very dark and dull. I wonder if she noticed that it's summer. Maybe it was winter in New York and they wore dark clothes to stay warm, but it's summer here! Someone should have given her the memo!

"Hiiiiiii!" I waved as I kept on swinging.

"Give me your swing." She stated simply as she crossed her arms as she watched me swing back and forth. She must be crazy! I'm not giving her my swing! She can have some other kid's!

"No." I said simply. Everyone knows not to ask me for my swing. It's my swing. No one can have it. New or not, no one is special. It's mine.

"What did you say to me?" She said through gritted teeth. She looks angry. I would be angry too if I was wearing all black in 102 degree weather.

"I said no. Get another swing." I stated as I kept swinging. Before I knew it my swing was coming to a stop as she grabbed onto it with both her hands. _Who does she think she is?_ Okay don't get me wrong, I love everyone, but I refuse to give up my swing just because she's demanding for it. Maybe if she had of asked nicely, I would grant her a few minutes, but I rarely would do that.

"Look here Kitty Cat. This is my playground and I run it. If I tell you to give me your swing, you'll give it to me. Do you understand?"

I stared at her for a moment before I busted out into giggles as I slapped her arm. "Jade you're so funny!" I laughed more as I pried her hands off the chains of my swings and started to swing again. I guess this time she got really angry because I felt two pair of hands go to my stomach and push me off of my swing to the ground. It didn't hurt much but I frown as I get up and look at my dress that is now covered with dirt.

"Hey! Why'd you do that!" Andre yelled as he ran up to Jade as if he'd been watching from a distance.

"Because I can." Jade smirked, but there was something evil behind that smirk. She's one of _those_. And what I mean by one of those is one of those kids who think they are better than everyone else, and that everyone has to listen to what they say. Occasionally, I just ignore them and walk away and let Andre handle them if they are too mean to me, but Jade is different for some reason. It's like she thinks she better but deep down she knows she's not and on top of that, she's hanging out with my group of friends. I'm not going to let her treat us like this all of the time. Somebody has to show her who's really boss before she gets out of hand.

I walked closer to her before bringing my arms back and shoving them forwards with as much force as I could pushing Jade to the ground 10 times harder than what she pushed me. I felt so bad as soon as I saw a look of…I don't even know what to call it flash across her face. It wasn't hurt or sad, more of surprised I guess.

Andre and I watched as she stood up, dusted herself off and gave me the most evil stare I've ever seen before she just walked away.

"I think I hurt her." I frowned.

"Don't worry Little Red, she pushed you first. She got what she deserved. I didn't even know you had that in you." He smiled as he grabbed my hand and led me back the few feet to my swing. I just smiled at him before sitting down and continuing my flying.

* * *

"Aww, my fries are soggy." Sinjin complained as we sat at lunch. At our table sat me, Sinjin, Andre, Tori, and the new girl Jade. I thought it was so ironic that she decided to sit by me. I would have sworn after our altercation at the playground that she would hate me forever and not want to be my friend. But it's the opposite. She actually made Tori move just so she could sit by me. Weird right?

"Are you not going to eat anything?" Tori asked as she turned to Jade and stuffed her face. Jade just sat with her arms crossed and no food. Maybe she forgot money?

Jade gave her a glare. "I didn't bring money Vegas."

_I knew it!_

"Oh…well I can-"

"-I'll buy you some food! I have extra money! C'mon!" I said as I interrupted Tori, stood from my seat and grabbed Jade in the process as she tried to explain that she wasn't even hungry. Non sense! She has to eat!

Jade stood behind me as I asked her what she wanted, but she didn't say much so I told the lunch lady to just fill the plate with fries, a turkey sandwich and some fruit. Once we were at the end I happily paid for her meal before handing it over to her in which she took quietly without a thank you. But that's okay, she doesn't seem like the type that even knows what the word thank you means. I can teach her some other time.

"Oh hey there Cat, have you seen my sister by any chance?" Tori's older 11 year old brother Beck asked me asked me as he walked by with her backpack in his hands.

"Yeah! She's sitting at our table."

"Can you give this to her. I found it lying outside her locker. She must have left it. Tell her to stop leaving her things around before someone takes them."

I reached over and grabbed the backpack from him before throwing it over my shoulder.

"New friend?" He lifted a brow at Jade.

"Oh she's new today! Her name is Jade! She moved here from New York! That's so cool right! One time my brother Sinjin and I went to New York but he thought it was-"

"-Cat that's awesome." Beck smiled at me.

"I know right!" I clapped as I giggled. I turned to Jade to see her just standing quietly with her food in her hands as she stared at Beck as if she were in a daydream and it was true that she was because when I waved my hand in front of her face and called out her name she didn't budge. It wasn't until Beck walked away and I tugged on her shoulder that she came back to life. Even when I questioned her about it she shook it off and acted as if it were nothing, but I'm not stupid. I know those eyes! Those are dreamy eyes Danielle tells me about. People put them on when they see somebody they like. Too bad Beck said he thinks girls are icky. I think boys are icky too. Ew I hate those kissing movie's dad watches sometimes when we are in the living room. They are so…ew! The only person I ever kissed was Sinjin and that was only for a picture.

"Do you have a cell phone?" I asked Jade as school came to an end and we all sat outside waiting for our buses and parents to take us home. Tori and Andre had already left and my brothers and sister where sitting by the swings waiting for Danielle to pick us up.

"Uh yeah." She stated as she turned to me.

"Me too! Can I have your number!?"

Jade nodded as she pulled out her phone and we exchanged numbers. Jade isn't so bad. Scary looking, yes, but bad…no. I think she's just a little sad. I can see it in her eyes. Maybe she just needs a hug! I reached over and pulled her into a hug tight hug in which she quickly pushed me out of.

"What are you doing?" She asked in an aggravated tone.

I smiled. "You look like you needed a hug. So I gave you one. You don't have to be so sad! Smile sometimes!" I smiled as I heard my name being called.

"That's me. I'll see you tomorrow Jade. It was nice meeting you! Call me tonight! We can talk all night!" I clapped as I stood up.

"Bye Cat." I heard her say softly as I waved and ran to Ms. Danielle's car.

_I hope Jade and I can be very good friends._

* * *

"We are just going to do something a little different tonight okay? Nothing big." My dad said as he sat up a camera in my room.

I sit on my bed in the long gown he made me put on without any panties after giving me a good bath. He curled my hair for me and told me to be a good girl for the camera tonight and he would take me out for ice-cream in after school. And boy do I love ice-cream!

"Remember those videos Ms. Danielle showed you of the nice lady?" He asked me once the camera was set up and I nodded. A few weeks ago she sat me down with her laptop and played a video of a girl with no clothes on that was touching herself…_down there_. She seemed to really be enjoying herself and he told me one of these days he wants me to do it too. He told me it will make me feel really good and that all girls by age 8 do it. He also told me since I was a model that I should do it on camera so I can be a famous child model. Of course I want this. I'm a little nervous, but he said usually people are and that it's normal.

"Alright you guys ready?" Ms. Danielle asked as she walked into my room and closed and locked the door behind her.

"Yep, we're all set." My dad smiled.

I turned over to Ms. Danielle to see her walking towards me. "Just relax baby. Lay down." She told me softly and I did so. She reached her hand up and started to stroke my hair as she smiled down at me making me smile back. "You remember what you saw on those videos?"

I nodded.

"I want you to do the same thing she did okay? It's very easy. You don't have to worry about doing anything wrong alright?"

I smiled and nodded again.

She stood up and walked behind the camera with a heartwarming smile on her face as I laid on my back looking down at the camera. "Okay Caterina, you can start, just do exactly what you saw babe." My dad stated looking behind the camera.

All of a sudden I froze. I guess I'm getting camera shy. I've never done this before. "I….can you help me?" I asked as with embarrassment. I shouldn't have to ask for help. I should know now how to do this. The other kid models do.

Ms. Danielle walked back over to me and sat down beside where I laid. "Do you remember the videos?"

"Yes I remember. I just…I don't know how to start."

I watched as she sighed and looked back at my dad who lifted his brow to her. "Okay, I'll help you start okay, and then you do the rest on your own. I can't always help you. Other child models don't get help." I just nodded as she told me to close my eyes. I felt my night gown being pushed up before she grabbed my hand and lead it to _down there_. She used my hand to rub up and down gently before pushing a bit harder. And it does, it does feel good! Not as good as the lady on video was making it seem, but it was nice. I felt her presence leave my side as she whispered for me to keep going and I did. I kept going until they finally told me to stop. I didn't get fully naked like the girl on the video and I didn't scream nearly as much as she did either. As a matter of fact I didn't scream at all. I thought for a moment that maybe I had done it all wrong but they reassured me that I did a great job and that I earned my ice-cream tomorrow.

_I love being a model. It's the great life!_

* * *

**It's so horrible how Cat and her siblings are so oblivious to what their parents are doing to them. Do you think she'll ever tell anyone who'll understand and help her?**

**Thanks for reading!**

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	3. Breakaway

Chapter 3

_Breakaway_

**[Tori's POV]**

"Where's dinner?" I asked my brother 11 yr old Beck as I walked downstairs and into the kitchen not too long after returning home from school. He sat on the couch stretched out with his phone in his hands texting away like a maniac. I believe that if he was in a texting competition he'd definitely win because that's all he does. Him and his stupid best friend Robbie. I hardly ever see them apart besides when we are at school since Robbie goes to a school for special people. What do I mean by special? I mean smart not dumb. I would think dumb though because Robbie does have issues.

"We're on our own tonight kiddo." Beck stated as he sunk more into the couch without even a glance in my direction.

I sighed as I walked over to the freezer to see nothing but a bag of frozen peas, frozen hamburger and ice before opening the fridge to see nothing but beverages and old chicken that should have been thrown out weeks scratch that _months _ago.

"There's nothing in here to eat but hamburger and peas and I can't cook hamburger." I told him from the kitchen.

"Tough luck. Mom's out tonight. I doubt she's bringing home anything."

"Well what are you and Trina going to eat?" I asked referring to my older sister, that just so happens to be his twin.

He just shrugged as he kept texting away like he had no care in the world. Rolling my eyes I slammed the fridge and stomped up to my room before closing my door and grabbing my back pack. This isn't the first time mom has left us hungry so I was prepared. Today at lunch I had bought an extra sandwich and a soda just in case I needed it. At least she's grateful enough to give me lunch money.

I walked around my bed to the other side with my sandwich and drink before taking a seat and looking up at the big picture of my dad and me from just last year I had hung on my wall.

"Hey dad. How are you? Me? I'm good I guess. Mom left us with frozen nothing again tonight. Do you think she'll ever come back around? Who could blame her though? I would be a mess without you too. Well…I am sort of.

"Guess what? I met this new girl today. Her name is Jadelyn but she likes to be called Jade. She just moved into the house next door. Remember? The empty one you said you doubt anyone could ever afford. I guess her parents are like billionaires right? She's not very nice though and I'm not sure why. I guess some people are just really mean, like the other kid in my English class. He's a jerk. You remember him don't you? I know you do.

"School was okay today. Nothing really special happened. I mean some kid puked all over the classroom floor this morning. I guess he had too much to eat. Oh and I got an A+ on that project I told you about for Science class. My teacher said I did a very good job on it." I said as I ate up the rest of my sandwich.

I guess you're wondering why I'm talking to a picture of my dad. Well it's because he's… not here. And this is the only way I can talk to him. Just last year he was shot and killed while on the job at the police station. Some people came and did a shootout at the place wounding 6 and killing 3. My dad one of those 3. Since he's been gone my whole family has changed. It's like everyone has split up and could care less about one another. My mother, father, older brother Beck and older sister Trina all used to always do family things together like bowling, or catching a movie, or having a family cookout, but that's all changed. It's like nothing like that ever existed in our family before. You probably wouldn't even know we were related as little as we talk to each other. It's like we are now all associates, no acquaintances. We don't eat together, we don't go out together, we don't do anything together. We barely live together, or that's at least how I feel.

My mother either stays out or stays in her room a lot. She still works and she's still a very friendly lady, but she just doesn't like to be out of her room when she's at home. Beck and Trina neither of them are ever around much either. Well Trina's here, but she's so stuck in her room and stuck on herself it's like she's never here and Beck is always gone outside somewhere with his best friend Robbie it was a surprise he's downstairs now. He acts as if the accident never even happened. We still talk, just not as much as we used to. It's like we aren't a full family anymore and I hate that. I miss my family.

I miss my dad. It hurts all the time, it does. He made up our family. He was the best dad any child could ask for. Why did it have to be him? Why couldn't it have been someone else? Well no….then someone else would be without a father, and I wouldn't want any other child to have to feel the pain that I feel without my dad here with me. It's the worst pain in the world. I can't even begin to explain how it feels to come home from school and not be able to run into my dad's loving arms so ready to hear about my day.

No one cares anymore. There's not many people to talk to and I guess I just feel that way since he's gone. I of course have my best friends Andre and Cat, but Andre he's only a shoulder to lean on. I've known him since I was born since his dad and my dad both work as officers. Or _worked _on my part. He's not much of encouraging words. He wrote a song for me though, it was very sweet and it did make me feel better, but….I don't know. Cat, I met her just last school year. She's stuck in a world that doesn't even exist. She knows about my dad and all she could offer where so many kisses and hugs, not much more than that. So I just, I stuck with myself. Of course I have other friends, but they aren't my best friends and they don't know about my life or what goes on in it like Cat and Andre do. I like to talk to myself a lot though. I might sound crazy, but sometimes it feels really good to just vent to myself.

Well, I guess I haven't really explained who I am. I'm Tori Marie Vega, well it's Victoria, but I like to be called Tori now. It's something I made everyone start doing since my dad left because he used to call me Victoria like everyone else, and I hate hearing the name. So I'm Tori. Call me Tori.

I'm pretty much a normal kid or at least that's what I like to think of myself as. I don't do anything out of the ordinary and I don't have an out of the ordinary life or family. Unless I'm oblivious to things that are happening around me, which I doubt because my family is very open. Well, we used to be. I have no idea what's going on with anyone these days. I'm just guessing everyone is doing fine.

Just like my best friends Andre and Cat, I make very good grades in school. I actually love school. It's a place to get away and be with people my age. I like to talk to people that want to vent to me, but I don't vent to everybody like those kids at school. It's like some people go around saying all types of sad stuff and I think it's just to make people feel bad for them you know? I don't like people like that. Those people that just want attention. I think half of the things they say are lies anyways. I can't believe everybody. I don't really trust everybody either. Okay well maybe I do trust everybody, but I know I shouldn't. Dad told me I shouldn't. He said you can't trust anybody especially in this lifetime.

* * *

Today is the weekend. And I love weekends. It means I have the free time to do whatever I want. Singing is what I usually prefer to do. I have a small studio setting in my basement that my dad got set up for me and Trina. No offense to my sister but I think her voice is…not….to Hollywood standards. Maybe all she needs is a voice teacher? Then maybe her voice could be way better than it is.

I would always spend hours in the studio writing my own music in a music journal my dad got me for my 7th birthday. I know my songs aren't that great at all but they will get better. I hope to one day be a famous pop-star/song writer. There's nothing that makes me feel better then daydreaming about my name being on the big screen and my music on the radio. I like to pretend I'm at my own concerts with millions of fans screaming my name as I sing my #1 hit. I usually get yelled at for being entirely too loud by my mother or sister, but sometimes I don't care and keep on singing. My dad always told me never to give up on my dreams and that one day he's knows I'll make it shine. And I know I will too. I just can't wait until that day.

**KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK**

I keep a small smile on my face as I take a step back and watch as the door to Jade's house swings open to a tall man with brown hair and brown eyes. He gives me a very creepy smile that makes me slightly uncomfortable as he looks at me up and down.

"Um….is Jade here?" I ask after standing in silence for a few moments. The man nods as he opens the door more and invites me in.

"You are the one from yesterday right? Umm…Victoria?" He smiles and lifts a brow as he leans against the wall by the door. I just nod and ask where Jade is before he said that she'll be here soon. "So how old are you?" He asks as he slips his hands into his pockets.

"….9." I say as I slowly take a few steps away from him since I felt that I was way too close for comfort. My dad always told me to never talk to strangers especially to strange men. I would believe this is Jade's father though and so technically he's not really a stranger right? Or is he? Why isn't he going to get Jade?

"You have a very pretty face. You know that?"

I bite my bottom lip as I just nod and thank him for the complement before I ask him once again where Jade is and again he said she'll be here soon. I decide it would be best for me to just wait outside and I told him this before walking over to the door in which he ran in front of and blocked and that's when fear started to creep in. My mind told me to run and I was literally one second away from doing so until the front door busted open to my superhero of the moment that I met just yesterday. A huge sigh of relief sweeps through me and I think I made that visible since Jade turned to look at me funny. Or it could just be that fact that I'm in her house. One of the two, or both?

"What are you doing here Vegas? And what the hell are you doing Ron?" She eyed him in which he just shook his head and walked away. Jade turned back to me with wide eyes. "What the hell is going on?"

I cling at her use of language before just shaking my head as I play with my fingers in front of me. "Nothing, I…I was coming to see if you wanted to come to my house and play around in the studio. I heard that you like to sing."

She kept a frown on her face as she looked at were Ron just exited the room. "He didn't touch you did he?" She asked in a quieter voice before turning back to me.

"Uh, No. He didn't. Why?"

She just shook her head as she sighed. "You have a studio?" She asked changing the subject with a small side smile on her face which made me smile as I nodded and told her how my dad got it set up for me and my sister. She quickly agreed to coming over as she walked right back out of her house with me following behind.

Okay so I know I didn't talk very nicely on Jade earlier, and I'm still not going to. I only came to her house because Andre lives too far for a walk and Cat, who also lives too far for a walk but I took the walk anyways, acted as if she was too busy today for anything and closed the door right in my face. She seemed very fidgety and rushed but I didn't question her about it. I wasn't going to spend all Saturday alone and Jade's house was right there so…why not?

Maybe Jade isn't so bad? Maybe yesterday and the day before she was just having a bad day. We all have bad days right? Maybe she was upset about having to move here and have to make new friends all over again. I know I would be. I bet that has to be hard. I would be upset if I was her too. I hope she's fitting in and she's making plenty of new friends. We have a nice neighborhood and mostly everyone is friendly, so she shouldn't have hard time. I only share home room with her at school, so I didn't see her much at all after yesterday morning and at lunch.

"So, did you make a lot of new friends at school?" I asked as we reached my house and I opened the door letting us both inside. She turned to me with an evil glare as if my question just absolutely disgusted her. As if I asked her did she drink her own pee for dessert last night. It was that bad of a face, I'm serious.

"No! I didn't make friends because I don't want _friends_. I want a friend, that's it." She said using her hand to cut the air in front of us. She turned from me and marched all the way to the kitchen before pulling open both the fridge and freezer at the same time. After a small look she turned to me with her hands in the air. "Dude, where's the food?" She asked letting her hands drop to her hips.

I scratched the palm of my hand as I stepped into the kitchen. "We um….my mom is out shopping." I lied. I know she isn't shopping. She's not even out at all, but I don't want Jade to think my family is poor or something, especially with her living in that multi-million dollar house next door. I mean our house is big, but nothing like hers. I feel very poor in her presence.

She just closed the doors and shrugged before walking passed me and turning to me with a lifted brow. "So?"

"So what?"

She sighed. "Where's the studio Vegas? I swear if you lied to me, I'd make sure you could never tell another lie again." She stated calmly as she crossed her arms and lifted a brow

I just shook my head. "It's this way." I gestured and she followed me down.

A look of joy spread across her face as she looked around the finished studio very carefully touching things and looking at buttons as if she were a small child that couldn't keep their hands to themselves. The buttons that she studied, I had no idea what they worked or how they worked. I just knew the main things to record a song, all the extra stuff I never touched. Dad never got to finish telling me how everything works.

"Nice Vegas." She stated as she took a seat in one of the chairs and rolled over to all the buttons.

"Hey please don't touch those. They are all set to a certain…thing." I stated putting my hand on her arm.

"Vegas if you don't take her hand off of me in the next 0.5 seconds, you won't have a hand."

I immediately yanked my hand away from her and sighed. Okay maybe Jade isn't….so nice. Maybe she is just a mean girl and that's okay I guess. Or maybe she isn't? She could still be mad about the move, she just hasn't gotten over it yet. And I understand. Maybe she wants to talk about it?

"So…do you miss your old home?" I ask as I lean up against a wall. She shook her head as she kept her eyes from me and on all the buttons that she looks like she's dying to push and turn. She looks like a five year old who is sat down in front of a table of candy but told not to touch. I wonder what her patience level is?

"You don't miss your friends or anything?" I ask in shock. Again she shook her head.

"What is this Vegas? 20 questions or something?" She asked offended as she turned to me, arms crossed as her green eyes stared a hole right through me causing a shiver to run down my back. I just shook my head as I stood straight up. "No."

"Good then shut up." She said turning back to all the buttons as she started to read the small print above each one. A wave of angry heat rolled throughout my body wanting to tell her to shut up and leave if she was going to be rude, but didn't say it.

Jade seems like a puzzle. A mystery. There's something different about her than anyone I've ever met, but I just can't put the pieces together to figure out the right picture. I know I've only known her for like 48 hours, but it's something about her that's….wrong. I know there is, I just can't put my finger to it. No kid acts the way she does. She's high leveled, a borderline gank who thinks she's the big bad wolf and maybe she thing's I'm just a little pig. Maybe that's how she sees us all, me Andre and Cat, her little pigs. Maybe if I can get under her skin I can find out what Jade's really made of. Maybe this is a mask she's wearing trying hide her true self. I think she wants people to fear her for a reason she's hiding. I mean why else would someone want to yell at people and torture them around if they don't even have friends? Is she even trying to make a friend? She said something about not wanting friends but a _friend_. What exactly does she mean by that? I'm I her friend?

"Um…Jade?" I called out. I couldn't help but have to know. I like to know all my friends. I mean she's here right. That means she's my friend. Why else would she have agreed to come to my house?

"What? Let's record some music or something Vegas."

"Okay, but….what did you mean by you don't want friends, you just want a friend?"

She stood up and pushed the chair back in the corner where she found it before walking into the booth and putting on the headphones. "Turn it on and record me." She said ignoring my question and adjusting everything to her height.

I sighed as I closed the studio door and turned on her mic the way my dad showed me how to work the basic stuff.

"Are you going to answer my question?" I asked into the mic so she could hear me.

She rolled her eyes and gave a huge sigh. "If you're trying to ask if I'm your friend Vegas, the answer is a no. You're not the friend I want."

"Then why are you here?" I ask with my hands up.

"Because I like having you around. Now press record and let me sing something." She said as she turned on the keyboard that sat in the studio booth with her.

I frowned before turning and twisting the right buttons to get her ready to sing "Did you write a song, or do you know one?" I smiled at her through the glass.

"I wrote a song." She smirked.

"Oh! That's so cool, did you-"

"Just turn it on so I can sing it!" She yelled making me jump as I hit the record button. I watched as she closed her eyes for a moment and started nodding her head slowly to a beat in her head. She looks so much more peaceful and kind with her eyes closed and her eyebrows relaxed. Her face is usually all scrunched up in a knot and maybe it's music that gets her loose, that gets those tight knots free from her expression, that tenseness out of her soul.

She put her hands to the piano and started playing softly, her fingers moving along the keys with ease. I was amazed because her eyes were closed. _How'd she learn to play like that?_

"_**Na, na, na, na, na**_

_**Grew up in a small town and when the rain would fall down**_

_**I just stare out my window**_

_**Dreaming of what could be and if I end up happy**_

_**I would pray…"**_

A huge smile took over my face as I listen to her voice fill the small space of the studio. Her voice was beautiful. I never would have thought a voice like this could be possible coming from a girl like her. I pictured her singing something….evil or something like hard core rock. But this is soulful, soft, sweet. Why can't see be like this all the time? Maybe that's all she needs. Music. If she sings all the time she'll be alright. I can tell this is what makes her happy.

"_**Trying hard to reach out but when I tried to speak out**_

_**Felt like no one could hear me**_

_**Wanted to belong here but something felt so wrong here**_

_**So I pray, I could breakaway**_

_**I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly**_

_**I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky **_

_**I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change**_

_**And breakaway…**_"

I kept the smile on my face as I listened closely to her lyrics. Never have I written a song that had so much meaning. My songs are…well dumb. Maybe she lied about writing it?

She closed her eyes tighter as her voice rose and the tapping of her fingers on the keyboard turned into pounding before she just completely stopped.

"Hey why'd you stop? That sounded so good!" I said into the mic but she didn't respond. She looked at me for a moment before just closing her eyes and putting her head down. I would be lying if I said that her silence didn't scare the crap out of me because even when I called her name she didn't budge. She stood with her head down until I called out her name a second time which made her jump and look around before she removed the head phones and put them back.

"Never mind, I don't want to sing. Hey I'ma go okay? I'll see you around or something." She said as she started to exit but I grabbed her arm in which she glared at me so I let go, but that didn't stop me from trying to make her stay.

"What happened? Are you okay? You just got here."

"I'm fine Vegas! Never ask me how I'm doing. I'm always fine! I just forgot I have…stuff to do. I'll see you around, okay? Bye."

I just nodded as I watched her walk up the stairs and around the corner before hearing the front door slam.

_Was it something I did?_

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**

**PLEASE REVIEW! ;)**


	4. He's A Bad Man

**Hey I know some of you are wondering what pairing this story is, but I don't want to say because it's sort of a wait & see thing. There will be different relationships happening throughout the story, there's a little bit of everything in this story, literally. But it will all come together in the end. It may look like one thing, but it's not. **

**Oh and P.S. yes Cat's little sister Ariana is Ariana Grande last name difference from their parents. More of that later.**

**Anyways, enjoy guys!**

* * *

Chapter 4

_He's A Bad Man_

**[Jade's POV]**

Fuck this, fuck life, fuck Vegas. I can't believe I just did that; broke right in front of her. Now she probably thinks I'm weak. That now she can use that against me. I hope she didn't see the tears. Oh god I hope she didn't see them. Then she'll definitely think she can take over me. She'll definitely think I'm weak but I'm not. Jade West may be a lot of things but weak isn't one of them. I make people weak, I carry around the trait but I don't have weakness and I never will.

Who told fucking Vegas I like to sing always? _"I heard you like to sing."_ By who!? I never told her that! I didn't tell her anything about me but my name and I barely told her that. I put all my emotions in writing. It brings me back to my journal. I write my feelings down because I don't show them, and I don't speak them. It's the only way to get them out. I don't care who you are, no one can hold everything in. No it's not a sign of weakness! So don't think it is!

I usually turn my writing into a poem or lyrics. Breakaway was one of the first songs that I've written and it has so much meaning and emotions behind every word. I've always kept that song hidden from everyone around me because it was mine; it's like a secret, but it's in song. Nobody was ever supposed to hear it. I would sing it to myself when no one was home and even wrote my own music to it on our grand piano back in New York and I would sing it over, and over and over. When I stepped into Vegas' studio I had no intentions what so ever to sing my song. I had so many other songs in mind, and I was actually going to make one up about how stupid Vegas is, but once I closed my eyes everything was different. Once I closed my eyes and placed my hands on that keyboard I was back at home. I was by myself, no one could hear me. I played my song and I sung my song and the more I sung the more and more I got into it. And it flashed. All it takes is one flash, one thought, one picture, to ruin everything.

Him.

His hands.

His body.

All over me.

I couldn't move. It's frightening. And even though I tell myself over and over again, that I should be used to it by now, I'm not. It's the only thing that I can't get away from. And once it's in my mind, it's so hard to get out.

I got angry. I slammed the keyboard. I stopped singing. I closed my eyes and I tried to think of everything in the world to get the picture away. To get the feeling to stop but I couldn't. I took off the headphones, I didn't want to be there anymore. I wanted to leave. I felt the tears beginning so I ran out as fast as I could telling Vegas some lie I made up. I don't even remember what I said to her. But I don't care. She's not important. There's nothing she can do. I don't like her anyways. Her perfect little life. I know she has one. She's one of those perky girls. Why do I even associate with her? She's no different than those other kids back at home. Dandy lives. Fuck them all.

I said I wanted a friend. One friend. One best friend.

Cat.

I like Cat. I want Cat. Cat, I knew right off when I saw her she wasn't the friend that I want. I actually put her behind Vegas. She's entirely too bright, too giggly, too happy, way too happy, but then I realized something.…she's different. She's not like the rest of them.

I have all classes with Cat. I spent all day with her on Friday. Annoying, yes, easy to read, no. And that's what I like. I can easily read Vegas from first sight. But I couldn't read Cat, I thought I could, but I couldn't. Cat's is the first person to ever push me back, not just physically, but also mentally. There's something that Cat has that I've never seen in other people and I wonder if anyone else can see it too. It's something….dark maybe dead even. I could see it in her eyes when she looked at me from the ground. It's like her whole demeanor changed, her whole entire self, but once I got up she turned back to her happy go lucky self with a smile. Maybe she's masked?

I want to get to know Cat more. She's not afraid anything. I can tell she's not afraid of anything just by the way she talks to everyone, the way she talks to me. If someone put a gun to her head she wouldn't shake at the knees like Vegas would, and she wouldn't try to out smart them, scream and shout and think of a way to get away like a normal kid would. She wouldn't just kick them in the nuts and run like I would. She would laugh. She would probably say something close to _"That's a nice gun."_ or _"Oh my gosh, it's so cold on my_ _head!"_ She wouldn't try and run. She wouldn't cry or scream for help. She'll die right there and not even give two fucks about it. She'd probably die with a smile and that's not normal.

In class when I threatened to hurt her because she wouldn't give up her pencil, she laughed and put her face to me and said "I hope it won't hurt." Any other kid I had almost peeing their pants. Vegas, I had almost peeing in her pants. She gave up her pencil and Cat looked at her and shook her head before returning to her own work. Back at home when I told someone to give me something they would give it up and all their money, and I didn't even have to ask for all that. Why is Cat so different? Why isn't she afraid?

I've never met anyone like Cat before. I'm even afraid sometimes especially if someone put a gun to my head. I may not show it. But who in the world wouldn't be afraid of that!?

Cat's special. I want to keep her. She's mine. She can't be anyone else's best friend, because she's going to be mine. Forget Vegas and that Andre boy, she's mine from now on! And actually I already told her on the phone last night that she was going to be my best friend and that she was just going to have to deal with that. She giggled and agreed to be my best friend before singing some stupid best friend song.

The only problem with Cat being my best friend is that she's not good at comprehending and she seems so oblivious. I want someone to share my secrets with and for them to share their secrets with me. I feel if I tell her anything serious, she wouldn't even understand or she'll giggle and not take anything seriously. I think she'd probably laugh. And I hate when people laugh when I'm being serious. It makes me want to kill them and stab them up with scissors! I have to teach Cat how to listen. Calm her down. Train her like I'm going to train Vegas to toughen up. I have to tone her down. Right now Cat's above me, but I'll never admit that. No, not scared of her type of above me, but just…she's on a higher level. I will bring her down somehow. It shouldn't be hard at all.

"Hey Jade, what would you like for dinner tonight?" My mother asked as she walked into my room without even knocking. I can't even express the irritation I feel every time she does that. This might be her house, scratch that it's not even her house. Ron pays for this mess, I know he does, but anyways she has no business walking into my room, my personal space without knocking. I knock on her door! What makes her think she doesn't have to knock on mine!?

"What!? How many times do I have to tell you to knock!?"

She sighed as she rolled her eyes. A remark like that from any normal child to any normal mother would probably get a smack to the mouth, but I'm not a normal child and she's not a normal mother so it slides. "I'm sorry baby. I'll knock next time."

_Lie._

"Are you hungry? I'm going to get some dinner. Would you like to come or stay here?" She asked as she stepped into my room more.

"Is Ron here?" I asked as I sat up.

"Yes I believe so? Why?" She crossed her arms.

"Is he staying here or going with you?"

"He's most likely staying here. He's working on the back deck because the rail is loose or something. He thinks he's repair man all of the time but I believe be makes things worse." She laughed to herself.

I quickly jump off of my bed and walk out passed her telling her how of course I want to go with her causing her to give me a funny look before closing my door and following behind me to her car.

Usually Ron always goes out whenever my mom does and she knows I always say no. I never go with them. Not that I don't want to but I just don't want to. Okay so that didn't make much since. I just like having the house to myself whenever I can get it.

I like spending time with my mom. Believe it or not she's a good mother, or at least she tries to be and I have a lot of respect for her. She does drink sometimes and crashes on the couch and that's the only time she'll be mean to me. I mean not really, really mean, but she's not happy. She's hit me a few times when she was wasted, but it was nothing serious. She doesn't remember and I try not to either because I know she didn't mean it. She only gets drunk when her and Ron get into fights. Sometimes they turn violent and sometimes it's just arguing. But they don't do it a lot. Way more than they used to yes, but not a lot.

"Why don't you ever like staying with Ron?" She asks as we pull from the driveway and make our way to get pizza since that's what I told her I would like. She said we could eat inside and just bring something home for Ron.

I shrugged as I pulled out my phone and pretended to text so she would leave me alone. Usually when I don't give her an answer or just give her one word answers it's enough to make her shut up and leave me alone. But I guess today wasn't my lucky day.

"No really why? Do you not like him or something?" She asked taking a few glances at me that I saw from the corner of my eye. And I just shrugged again as I stopped on Cat's name and started to text for real.

Me: Cat.

Cat: Hiiiiiiii!

Me: What's up?

"Jade." My mother sighed as she reached over and took my phone from me. "Talk to me for once. Just once."

I gave a huge sigh as I crossed my arms. "What?"

She turned a corner and stopped at a stop light as I watched her suck on her teeth for a minute with furrowed brows. "I couldn't help but notice how much you try to avoid him. Every time he comes around you leave the room, or when he speaks you look away or pull out your phone. You never want to stay home with him if I'm leaving. You always reject when he just wants to take you to the pool or to the carnival. I know it takes you a long time to get used to the guys I date, but he's been around for almost 6 months now and you still treat him like he's brand new. What's up Jade? Do you not like him or something. He's so nice to you."

I almost freeze in my seat as she turns to face me for a moment. My heart starts to race as it felt like someone had sucked all the air out of the car. What the hell am I supposed to say? I can't tell her the truth. I can't. He will kill her. He will kill me. I know he will, he's crazy like that. The man is a maniac she just doesn't know it. I promised I wouldn't tell and the last thing I want is to tell and then everyone dies. I can't do that to her or to myself. It's not that serious. I can take it. She's happy with him. I'm tired of seeing her crying saying how she can't ever find a man that just loves her and she told me how she really thinks he is the one. I can't ruin that for my mother. If I never see anyone happy again, I want to make sure my mother is. She's always here for me and I'm here for her.

"..No, he's…fine. I just…I don't…he's cool mom. I just have to get used to him is all." I flash her one of my fake smiles. She never knows when my smiles are fake that's because I rarely smile at all. So any smile to her looks real.

She was silent for a moment before we pulled into a Pizza Hut and she put the car in park. She turned off the engine and sat back and sighed before tuning to me. "You know you can tell me anything Jade okay. If you feel uncomfortable around him or anything just let me know. If you feel something isn't right...just anything Jade you tell me. Okay?"

I bite my bottom lip as I just nod. I'm fighting back everything in me to not just bust out and say what he does to be every night; the way he stares at me when she's not looking. How he threatened to kill us both if I told, but I didn't tell. And I won't.

"I love you. Come on let's go eat something." She said as she unlocked the doors and got out. I let out a huge breath once her door was closed that I didn't even realize I was holding. I exited the car and had dinner with her as if everything was fine. But it's not.

_If only she knew. If only I could tell her._

* * *

And he is here tonight just like he was almost 3 years ago. His hands still roam me, but what's different now that I'm 12 then it was when I was 9 is that he touches everywhere now and I mean everywhere. I've tried everything to keep him away and then I found one way that worked. I started to pee on myself every night just before I knew he would come in. And that kept him from wanting to touch all on me. I know it was gross, but it kept him away until my mother found out. She thought I couldn't control my bladder or maybe I had an infection but the doctor saw nothing wrong with me and said sometimes kids wet the bed and that it's a phase I should grow out of. So now I'm taking meds every night that keeps me from peeing and she makes sure that I take them so she won't have to worry about washing my sheets. But that was last year and after a while she let me stop taking the medicine and as soon as she did I started wetting the bed again purposely to keep him away even if it was just the night and I hid my sheets from her. I washed my own sheets when she was at work and one day Ron told her I was doing it. Why that didn't ring a bell in her head, I don't know. Did she ever wonder how Ron knew I was wetting the bed? How would he have known unless he was in my room? He wasn't home to see me wash my sheets. I did it before both of them came home, so how mother? How would he have known? She put me back on the meds. Now I can't even pee if I wanted too and he's back.

The worst thing about me making myself pee at night when the meds aren't keeping them away is how my body now automatically does it. I had the most embarrassing experience one night when Cat had a sleepover. I slept in the bed with her that night…

_~Flashback~_

"_Hey Jadeyyyyy. Jadeeeeeee." _

_I felt my arm being shaken before I flash my eyes open and lift a fist but quickly calmed myself as I looked into the soft loving eyes of my best friend Cat. _

"_What Cat?" I whispered. I don't know why I whispered, maybe because she was whispering and I just automatically did as well because I sure as hell don't give two fucks about Vegas. _

"_You wet the bed." She said with furrowed brows as she stood in front of me holding onto a stuffed giraffe._

"_I…what." I quickly sat up and removed my covers to see a huge wet spot around me. My whole body flooded with embarrassment as I got up and turned over to Vegas who was on the floor in a sleeping bag sound asleep. There's no way she can know about this. She will humiliate me. Cat, she wouldn't. But I know Vegas would. It would be something for her to laugh at. I can't have that, no!_

"_Cat, I'm so sorry. I'll change them. Do you have extra sheets?" I whispered._

_She nodded before she left the room quietly. I looked back over at the wet bed and cussed myself under my breath. How could I not be in control enough of that? I know I'm safe here. Why did I do that?_

_Cat returned with all new sheets as I removed the dirty ones. We both quickly and quietly replaced her sheets before putting the old ones in a bag in the hall for her dad to clean in the morning. She then gave me some new PJs to sleep in since mine were now ruined._

_After getting changed I sat back on her bed and I just couldn't hold them. The tears that I kept fighting to be let lose slowly fell down my cheeks. Half from embarrassment the other half from…well you know why._

"_J…Jade? Are you crying?"_

_Cat's never seen me cry. No one's ever seen me cry. Crying is a sign of weakness. I'm not weak. I'm not. Am I?_

_I just covered my face as I turned from her. I know Cat wouldn't make fun of me crying. I just….I hate that I let myself get to this point of weakness. Especially in front of my best friend._

"_What's wrong? I peed the bed before. It's no biggy Jade." Cat said as she put her arm around me._

_I just shook my head as I wiped my eyes. "That's not it Cat."_

"_Then what's wrong Jadey?"_

_Usually I'll clench at the name, but since were not in public and since Vegas is sleeping I'll let it slide. For so long I've wanted to tell Cat my secret, but I didn't. I didn't because I'm scared she won't understand, then I would have told her in vain. I don't want that to happen. If I tell her, I want her to understand what I mean. I want her to understand everything that's happening to me and what I'm going through._

_Cat's smarter than what anyone ever thinks. And I'm the only one that knows that. I spend so much time with Cat and it's true that she has this made up world she lives in, but there's also something else I've noticed that's been bothering Cat. I just can't put my finger to it and when I bring it up, she shakes it off. She's hiding something as well. Maybe if I tell her my secret she'll tell me hers. Maybe she will understand. Like I said….she is kind of smart. Kind of, don't go overboard though._

"_Cat….if I tell you something, will you promise to keep it between us?"_

"_Like a secret!?"_

"_Shhhhhh!" I said covering her mouth from being so loud. If she wakes up Vegas I can't tell her anything. Vegas is always nosey enough as it is. She needs to know nothing about me._

"_Sorry." She whispered again. "What is it?"_

"_Cat promise me you won't tell anyone okay?"_

"_Pinky promise." She said holding up her pinky. I rolled my eyes as I grabbed her pinky in mine._

_She smiled as she looked at me with a lifted brow waiting for me to speak but when I opened my mouth no words came out. It's as if I couldn't find the right ones to speak. I couldn't figure out how to say it, let alone say it in a way Cat would understand._

"_Cat, you know Mr. Ron? The man that lives with me?"_

_She nodded. "He told me I have pretty dimples. He's so nice." She whispered with a huge smile as I shook my head._

"_He's not nice Cat. He's a bad man."_

"_A…a bad man? Like the a Decepticon?"_

"_Yes Cat, he's just like Mega Tron. He wants something that doesn't belong to him, he wants to do bad. But instead of to everyone, it's to me."_

"_What is he doing? What does he want?"_

_I took a breath. How am I supposed to say this? "Cat, we have special places on your bodies. They are here and here." I pointed to my breast and then down between my legs. "No one is supposed to touch those or see those, but you yourself. Do you understand that?"_

"_..yeah.." She sounded unsure but I kept going anyways. "At night Ron comes into my room while I'm sleeping, and he touches those special spots on me when he's not supposed to. That's bad."_

"_Well why don't you tell your mom?"_

"_Because he told me he will hurt me and he will hurt my mom if I do. So I can't tell."_

_She looked around for a moment before turning her gaze back to me. "But… those spots feel good Jade. Maybe he just wants to make you feel good."_

_I scrunched my eyes at her. "No Cat! They don't feel good! They hurt! They hurt badly!" I yelled causing Vegas to turn over in her sleeping bag. I froze as her eyes popped opened and immediately scrunched at the small light._

"_What…what are you guys doing?"_

"_Going to sleep." I told her as I crawled under the covers._

_Vegas yawned as laid her head back down before falling back to sleep as Cat crawled back into the bed beside me. _

"_I won't tell your secret Jade." She said before snuggling into my side and going to sleep and I don't think she understands at all. Not at all._

_~End Flashback~_

It was just 2 weeks ago that sleepover at Cat's took place and still till today I don't know what she means when she said those spots feel good. They've never felt good. It always burns, it's rough, it hurts so bad. And why would she think that? How does she even know about those spots? She doesn't, she wouldn't. She's way too….._ innocent_ too sweet to know unless…..no. No, no, no. Cat's dad is too nice, way too nice. He would never do anything to her like Ron does to me. I can just tell he wouldn't. He loves her and her little sister Ariana more than anything. He's so nice. He doesn't look at his daughters the way Ron looks at me. He's a real father.

_I just wish I had one of those…_

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	5. Vulnerable

**Sorry for the long update you guys. Working at a camp is stressful! I probably won't be updating almost everyday like I used to, but will like twice a week. Sorry, but these kids are too precious and a lot to deal with. **

**Anyways, please enjoy **

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_Vulnerable _

**[Cat's POV]**

_**Age 11**_

"He's behind you Dora!" I yelled at the TV as the big bad fox Swiper tried to snatch Dora's flashlight. She needs it so she can get through the dark tunnel to save the rabbit and get her home safely. She can't without the flashlight!

"Can we watch something else?" My little sister Ariana asked as she played around with the end of her hair and looked at me with big brown eyes. I hate when she gives me that look. She always uses it to get her way. Well guess what? She can't have it today because it's my TV time. Dad said so.

"Noooooo!" I wined to her as I kept my eyes on the TV just to see Swiper snatch Dora's flashlight. "Ughh! Now how will she get through the tunnel!?" I yelled turning to Ariana.

She sighed as she shook her head and sat back. "By changing to the MTV station."

"Kk!" I said as I grabbed the remote changing the channel. I want to make sure Dora gets her flashlight back.

Immediately Ariana hopped off the couch and sat directly in front of the TV with a huge smile on her face as she watched some boring lady sing on stage. I don't really like award shows. They sing and then everyone claps, and then they are gone. Those people get paid so much money just to sing a song that makes no type of sense at all. Well at least it doesn't make since to me. I can go outside and sing, I don't get paid. Ari has this huge theory that one day she'll be a famous singer and that she'll be on the MTV awards just like those singers. Dad told her that's unlikely to happen and for her to stop living in a fantasy world like I do, whatever that means. I mean, she can sing, I think she could do anything she wanted, but why would she want to? I'm going to stick with being a famous model.

_**New Text Message**_

_**Sender: Jadey**_

**Jadey: Cat.**

Me: Hiiiiiiiii

Jadey: What are doing right now? Let's eat something.

Me: I have no money!

Jadey: Ugh, I guess I'll pay, but you better pay me back or you'll be in trouble.

Me: Yay! Eat where?

Jadey: The new pizza joint down the block. I could meet you there since it's in between both our houses. It's not a far walk.

Me: Kk! Let's invite Tori!

Jadey: Ew why?

Me: Don't say ew I like Tori!

Jadey: Well I don't.

Me: Yes you do Jadey. I'll tell her to come. You should walk with her! (smiling emoticon)

Jadey: Hell no! She's old enough to walk by herself. She doesn't need a babysitter.

Me: Stop cussing!

Jadey: Whatever. See you in 15.

Me: In 15 what!? My shoe size is a 4 thank you!

Jadey: God…I'll see you there in 15 minutes Cat, in 15 minutes.

Me: Oh! KK!

I squealed as I hopped from the couch and up to my room. I love hanging out with Jade. Even though she can be really mean to people she's not so mean to me. She told me that I'm special and when I said thanks she said "Ed". I told her how that wasn't my name but I don't think she heard.

Running into my room I looked into my closet and pulled out a pair of blue jean shorts and a bright pink shirt to match. I love my wardrobe. It's so full of bright dresses and shorts and shirts and gosh it's so great! And my shoes! I love my shoes! They all are different colors of flats, sandals and Converse. I think today I'll wear Converse to go with my outfit. They match perfectly.

I like to look nice when I'm with Jade. I don't know why, but I always check to make sure my hair hasn't been blown around, or that my shirt isn't wrinkly or that my shoes are untied. I like to look perfect for her. I know she doesn't notice much, but…I just like to do it. I always wonder if she does it for me? Her outfits are always so dark and dull. I've asked her to make them brighter but she still hasn't yet. Maybe she doesn't have enough money to buy brighter clothes? She can ask her mom for Christmas!

"No! You better stay away from here! That's not what she's for! I don't want your money!" I heard my dad yell as I finished off tying my shoes. I stood from my bed and opened my door slightly to see if I could hear more.

"…I don't give a fuck Mike! That's not part of the deal! You got the tape! You give me my money!...No! She just turned 11 fucking years old! She's not even a teen yet! We never had intentions on doing anything like that with her or Ariana so stop asking, it'll never happen!…No! That's a…..you know what, stop calling my phone! You drop my money off and get the hell away from here and you better to it today!" I heard a loud bang come from his room as I gasped and backed away into my room.

I hate when my dad yells. He's always on the phone yelling and using bad words to people over the phone and usually our names are in it. I always feel that I'm in trouble or that it's my fault, but when I ask him about it he always reassures me that it's not. I wonder what exactly he's arguing about. It's always about money, tapes, and pictures. That's the most I ever hear.

Dad is really rich. He has a lot of money and he always buys us so many things. I usually get whatever I want which isn't much, but I still get it if I ask. I wonder where all the money is coming from? He doesn't work much…or…I don't think he does? It's like…people always come and brings him money. Usually the people that come he always takes to our photo booth or his room and tells us to not bother him until he is done. Then whoever leaves always leaves with a disk and that's when he's the most happy, and I know that's when he gets his money. Him and his friend that usually are here during our photo shoots and my video sessions that I became a master at by the way, get the money. I can now do everything myself without help. I even got fully naked like the girl on the video one time! I'm going to be so famous you'll see!

"Dad?" I said after I finally walked from my room and to his half open door.

The door opened fully as he stood looking down at me with an unhappy emotion plastered on his face. "Yes Cat?"

"..Um I'm going to go down to the new pizza place with Jade for lunch. Is that okay?" I asked as I played with the end of my hair as I swaded back and forth.

I watched as he stepped out of his room closer to me before placing his hand in my hair and stroking it gently. He let his hand fall down to my shoulder, down my arm and to my waist before letting his other hand join so both his hands where on both sides of my waist.

"…Dad?"

He closed his eyes as he gave a huge sigh and shook his head. "He can't, no one can…no."

I furrowed my brows as my spirits dropped. "No?"

He opened his eyes as he removed his hands from my waist and nodded. "No I meant…no he, I…yes, yes you can go with your friend. Do you need money?"

I shook my head. Okay yeah I lied to Jade about me not having money, but I like to see her be nice to me because it makes me feel….nice. It's like a pleasure because she does it to no one else. It makes me feel good.

"It's fine. Be careful, have fun." He said giving me a pat on my shoulder as he walked passed me and out of his room. Smiling brightly, I walked down the stairs, through the living room and out of the front door.

_**New Text Message**_

_**Sender: Jadey**_

**Jadey: You better be on your way.**

I giggled as I nodded but didn't respond because I know I'll be there soon.

I always wonder about Jade ever since she told me her…secret? Which really wasn't a secret if you ask me. A while back Jade told me her dad…well Mr. Ron was touching her in places that he shouldn't. I think Jade is just overreacting. I know all about those places. They are very nice and they feel very good. I think Jade is the mean one for not appreciating what Mr. Ron does for her. He's just trying to make her feel good. Why is that such a bad thing? She also said that it hurt. It doesn't hurt at all! Maybe he's just not doing it right. She needs to do it herself like dad tells me. My dad has never touched me himself like she said Mr. Ron does to her, but I wouldn't think bad about him if he did. Jade's just being mean like she always does. She can't just appreciate what people do for her and even though I love Jade to death it kind of makes me mad that she does that. There's people out there who appreciate every little thing down to a crumb, but she's so….ugh about things. She should learn, someone should tell her to be more considerate and kind.

"Well look who's gotten so big."

I look over and smile big at Michael, my dad calls him Mike for short as he pulled over to the sidewalk I was walking down on my way to meet Jade and Tori. Mike is the guy I told you about; the one that comes and buys disks from my dad. He's very kind and always smiles so bright at me. He even brings me and Ari candy and treats sometimes. They are so delicious!

"I had a growth spurt a few weeks ago!" I said standing on my tip toes so I could see through the open window of his truck.

"Oh yeah?" He laughed. "Looks like you need a few more inches on you."

I just giggled as I brushed hair from my face. He sat in his driver's seat looking me over before looking around and then back at me. "So where are you headed Princess?"

_Oooooh I love to be called Princess!_

One time Sinjin and I were pretending to play in a magic castle and he called me Princess because he said he was the Prince, but then I pushed him off the top bunk and he died.

Not for real.

Just pretend.

He was okay.

Well, he's okay now.

I think.

"I'm going to meet my friends at the new pizza restaurant! Jade's going to pay!" I giggled.

"Oh yeah?" He said as he looked around again. "Well, how about I give you a lift? Then you won't have to walk there Princess?"

I let go of his window as I took a few steps back. "I better not. Dad may be upset if I did." I said as I played around with the end of my shirt.

"Well um…your dad and I are good friends. He won't mind at all. Plus it's right around the block. It's hot out, I don't want you getting too dehydrated."

I stopped playing with my shirt as I squinted at him. "What's dehydrated?"

"Dehydrated is when little girls walk in the sun for too long and their bodies get really, really tired and they will end up dying."

I gasped as my hand went to my mouth.

"But you wouldn't have to worry about that if you have plenty of water with you. You have that don't you?" He stated firmly looking me in the eye.

I looked around before turning back to him and shaking my head. "No."

"Well you better get in quick so I can get you to that pizza place so you can get you some water fast. I'm sure your friends are waiting on you too." He said as he reached his arm back and opened the back door of his truck for me.

I sighed as I looked around. Well….he is my dad's friend and he's always over the house. I guess dad would be okay with it. Plus it is around the block. I wouldn't be with him for long. I'll just let dad know, that way he wouldn't think I was lying to him behind his back.

I smiled as I nodded. "kk." I said as I hopped into the backseat as I texted my dad.

**Me: Hey dad, Mike is giving me a ride to the pizza place okay?**

_**Message Sent**_

"Hey um….the pizza place is the other way." I said as I notice him turning his truck around.

"Oh, I know. We just have to stop and get something really fast and I'll take you there. Don't worry its fine."

I sighed as I sat back and looked out of the window. Jade texted a few times asking where I was in language I wouldn't dare repeat, but I just told her I was on the way.

He started driving further and further away from the pizza place as I kept asking him where we were going but he stopped giving me direct answers. As my phone went off he reached back and snatched it from me telling me he hated the sounds of phones and at that very moment his phone started to chime in which he quickly turned off.

"Mike, take me home." I said as things around me started to become unfamiliar. Again he didn't respond as fear started to creep in and tears started to fill my eyes. I then realized I've made the wrong decision to get into the car with him.

"Mike! Stop it, you're scaring me! Please take me home!" I yelled from the backseat but all I got was a chuckle.

Before I knew it the car was pulling into a shaded alley where he backed in and turned off the car. The place looked deserted. Like people haven't been around this place in years. My heart started to race as the tears started to fall.

"Don't cry Princess, it'll be okay. I'm not going to hurt you." He said as I tried to open my door and run, but it wouldn't open. Why won't it open!?

I scooted as far as I could to the corner of my seat as I watched him take off his seat belt and climb into the back with me. I watched as he reached into the armrest and pulled out a brown paper bag before putting it over my mouth and nose. I tried to push him away, I tried to scream, I tried everything I could, but I felt myself getting weaker. Like…like I was being set loose. Flying even.

He finally removed the bag as I just stared at him, but now my heart stopped racing, my tears stopped falling. I smile even as I struggle to keep my heavy eyes open but I wasn't even tired.

"Be good for me Princess, everything will be okay." He said before I felt his body fall onto mine.

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	6. A Change in Life

**Short chapter, I know.**

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Chapter 6

_A Change in Life _

**[Tori's POV]**

Bright lights, crying, screaming, running, panicking are all the things that are happening around me as I sit silently in the ER beside Jade and her mother. Everything happened so fast I can't even piece together how we ended up in a ER waiting to see if our best friend is alive when just a few moments ago we were laughing waiting for her to come join us for lunch. Something wasn't right and that was Jade's idea as we waited and waited for Cat to show, but she never did. She wouldn't return her text or answer our calls. She's never been silent with us before. Something had to be wrong.

Jade decided we should leave and go to her house, that maybe she was just taking a long time to pick out a dress and shoes to match, or that maybe she just got caught up in a television show and just forgot all about lunch which is believable because Cat doesn't focus on anything for too long. So we went.

Outside her house were her dad in a panic state with two policemen and a man in a suit standing around him nodding and writing down information. Once her dad spotted us we were immediately questioned, asked if we have seen her, or if she ever made it to lunch, and that's when my heart started to race. Something bad has happened. Cat had been kidnapped. My heart dropped.

Jade quickly grabbed my hand and we both ran all the way back to her house not even stopping to take a simple breath the whole way. She cried to her mom telling her what had happened as I stood behind her and listened. It was the first time I've ever seen Jade cry. It was a different her. Like a protective part of her was coming out. I mean, she's always been protective over Cat, but I've never seen anything like this.

Her mother quickly grabbed her keys and ran from the house as we followed behind jumping into the backseat of her car. I looked over to Jade who was sunk into the seat with her head turned toward the window and her nails in her mouth. She bit them vigorously as she sniffed letting tears fall down her face. "Jade." I said as I reached my hand across the seat and grabbed onto her free one. This is the first time Jade never snatched away from me. She actually wrapped her hand around mine just as tight. "It's going to be okay. She's okay, I know it." She just shook her head as she removed her hand from mine and covered her face as her mother pulled into the driveway of Cat's house.

This time it was empty. No policeman in her driveway, her dad and siblings weren't on the porch. Jade's mother yelled out her window to a next door neighbor asking if they knew anything in which they stated they heard something about a hospital. Jade's mother didn't even finish listening to whatever the guy had to say. She was speeding off to the nearest ER in a heartbeat.

Here is where the got the information on Cat. That she was kidnapped, raped, and beaten. We don't know how she's doing right now. We don't even know if she's alive. Her family is in a different waiting area. So that means they will get information on her way before we do. Now is when my tears start to form. I try to keep them in as they blur my vision. The thoughts of Cat and what's happened to her keep replaying in my mind. I can't stop picturing the horrible tragedy that took place and I didn't even see it. My mind keeps making these pictures, these images and I just…I can't.

I wipe my tears softly as I felt Jade's mother's hand slip into mine. "Don't cry Tori." She whispered to me as she wiped tears from my and her daughters eyes. "Everything will be okay." More tears fill my eyes as I nod and listened to her mother tell both of us everything will be alright.

* * *

The lights in the room are dim as a very soft music plays in the background. Jade sits with her mother by Cat's side holding onto her hand as tears fall down her eyes slowly and her whispering things into her ear, but I don't think she can hear. Her eyes are closed tight, one bruised and swollen as tubes came from her nose and hands. Her chest rises and falls slowly as if in time, it never changes up.

I've been holding onto my mother's hand since I called her and told her the news. It's our turn to see Cat since Jade and her mom went first. We've waited for what felt like ages to see her. The wait was agonizing because we didn't even know her state. The doctor finally came to us and told us she's going to be okay, it will just be a hard healing process. Just before we could see her two men in suits came and took her father away. I don't know where they were going, but it didn't look good.

"How is she?" My mother asked Ms. West as she stood with a frown. "She's asleep."

I scrunch my eyes as I look at Cat's face again, but she doesn't look just asleep. If you ask me, she looks as if she were in a coma.

We both walk closer as Jade let go of Cat's hand and backs away a bit. "This is my fault." Jade whispers to me as she turns and walks out of the room faster than I can blink. Her mother tries to stop her, but couldn't. She let her go as she put a hand on my mom's shoulder and exited the room.

"How could somebody do something like this." My mother whispered as she covered her mouth and shook her head as she looks Cat over. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she is so hurt for Cat. She's trying to hold back the tears just as I.

I walk around to the opposite side of the bed as I lean in and place a small kiss on Cat's cheek. "I'm sorry Cat." I whisper to her.

"Mrs. Vega?"

My mother and I both turn to see a woman and a man in suits. They look like those very important people you only see on TV in business offices that seem to hate their jobs. But instead, these people look pretty upset rather than angry at the world.

"Yes?"

"Hi my name is Davis Range, and this is my agent Carla Smith. We are from the Department of Children's Services. May we talk for a minute?"

"Oh, I'm not her mother." My mom says as she walks over to me and puts her arm around me. "This is my daughter."

"We are aware Mrs. Vega. But may we please talk for a moment?"

I look up at my mother as she nods and grabs my hand. She walks over to the door holding on tight as Davis holds it open with a small smile aimed at me. It's one of those smiles when a person knows everything won't be okay, but they smile anyways to loosen the tension, but I'm not dumb. I know when something isn't right. What happened to my best friend today wasn't right. I have so many unanswered questions like, who and why? Why would anyone want to do something like this to someone so precious as Cat Valentine? A monster, that's who.

We didn't walk very far before we end up in a small room similar to a waiting room but it has a table. Davis tried to convince my mother that it would be best if I stayed outside but she refused and said that whatever they have to say that they better make it PG and quick.

My mother hates dealing with the government and I know that's who these people are. Anybody from a department is government related and to be from children's services doesn't sound too great at all.

"Mrs. Vega, I'm sure you are unaware of what has been taking place at Cat's Valentine's household."

"I don't want to know okay." My mom says as she holds up a hand. She's never good with bad news. She never wants anything to do with it. She blocks it all out and what she does hear she turns in to something good.

"I understand Mrs. Vega, and I don't have to go over anything with you."

"Then why am I here?"

"Usually when a child, and in this case children, are removed from a home they are placed with immediate family and friends. Ms. West, I'm assuming you know, denied. Before we place Sinjin VanCleef, Nelson Watson, Caterina Valentine and Ariana Grande in separate foster homes, DCS would like to know if you would like to take any of these children into your home?"

_What?_

Mother was silent for a moment as she shook her head slightly and leaned in a bit. "Why are you taking them? Isn't she already adopted? Her adopted parent's aren't treating her right?"

Davis put his hands put slightly. "You wished not to go over any of this."

"I don't want details, but why? What happened?"

I watch and listen in as Davis turns to Clara. "Caterina's father has a child pornography studio set up in their home. They are making business off-"

"-Stop." My mother said as she held up her hand. Tears started to form in her eyes as she covered her face and sobbed.

_What is child pornography?_

"I don't mean to be rude and to rush anything, but we have to know an answer very soon Mrs. Vega and-"

"-I want Cat."

I watched as Davis sat up a bit. "Are you sure Mrs. Vega?"

I watch as my mother wipes her tears and nods. "Yes."

I don't know why it took my brain so long to realize what was happening right in front of me as Davis and Clara talked and talked about adoption to my mother. All the paper work they had ready for her to sign, all the questions they had to ask so at the end of the day….Cat, Cat will be, she'll be living with me, with us, with my family. She'll be a part of my family, she'll be my sister! But, but why?

I don't understand fully and when it was finally over my mother wouldn't explain anything to me. She wouldn't give me details on what any of this meant. She looked stressed herself and after my last question when I got yelled out I stopped asking. She seemed as if she wasn't for sure on what she just had done. But she had done it.

How will Cat feel about this? When she wakes up what am I supposed to say to her? That she's my sister? My adopted sister? She's going to want to know why? She's going to miss her family. What about her bothers and little sister? Will she ever see them again? I asked my mother why she didn't adopt them all but all she said was that she couldn't. She could have if she wanted to. We have plenty of room at my house. She was just being selfish. I don't like that at all.

I'm not positive on how all this is going to work out, but I know whatever was happening at Cat's house must have been very bad. She's so good at hiding things and keeping secrets. Maybe she was getting hurt all of the time. Well, now she'll be safe. She'll be safe with us because we will never hurt her. She won't have to be sad about anything anymore. I'm not sure what's been going on, but whatever it is it can go behind her now that my mother will care for her.

_I just hope Cat adjust to this change in her life well…_

* * *

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	7. My Life & The Story of It

Chapter 7

_My Life & The Story of It_

**[Jade's POV]**

_**15 Years Old**_

"We could go swimming in the lake?"

"I can drown you in the lake." I say as I reach over to Vegas' plate and take a French fry.

Vegas scrunches her eyes at me and makes some pitiful comment about my attitude towards her, but I couldn't care less. Vegas deserves no more than what I give her.

We have a whole spring break coming up and we're all trying to figure out what in the hell we're supposed to do for seven days and sitting inside the house all day is not an option. I rather hang with Vegas than stare at my wall…..you know what? I take that back. The wall plan is better.

"Ohhhhh we can go to Sea World, and watch the monkeys and the zebra's. Yeah, yess? Yess!?" Cat nods with a huge smile as she points around the table trying to get everyone to agree with her, but instead we all just stare, but that doesn't seem to dampen her excitement.

"Sea World is in Florida, besides, they don't have zebras and monkeys Cat." Andre speaks up before reaching into his plate and continuing his meal as Cat pouts.

"I know how to sneak into the laser tag arcade off sunset. All you have do to is lick the guards feet." Sinjin stated as he walks up behind Andre who asks him to back away a bit.

I think it's so crazy how Sinjin and Cat got split when they were younger but reunited at Hollywood Arts. You wouldn't even think these two knew each other to be real. They barely even speak and when they do it's literally about nothing. Which is everything that comes from Cat's mouth anyways.

What I really think is a crazy and a mistake is how Vegas got accepted with Cat and I. I mean….she thinks she can sing, but she can't. She can't act, she can't dance. She can't do anything. She's stupid, she's always been. She shouldn't even be here. The only real reason I still even communicate with Vegas is because of her hot brother because I definitely could have dropped her off years ago. The plans I had set for her were not working as easily as I thought they would which made me agitated with her so I wanted to drop her, but then I met her brother Beck that she hid from me half of the time I knew her. I can't even believe that hot thing is even related to her. It makes me want to stab him with scissors but love him at the same time.

Beck is only a couple years older than me. He's a Junior this year and what a coincidence that he goes to Hollywood Arts. Really, I had no intentions on coming here until I heard he was here. That's the only reason I let Cat drag with me with her to auditions. I never knew I held talents of acting and singing. I didn't even prepare for my audition like Cat and Tori did, but somehow I got through with the judges saying it's the best they've seen all day. Guess I'm just a natural.

The only thing that stands in the way of me and my future husband is that idiot Robbie. I hate him. I hate him because he occupies all Beck's time and he's annoying. I can never get Beck alone because stupid puppet boy is always there. I mean he's by his side all the fucking time as if their joined at the hip. It makes me wonder if Beck ever gets tired of that boy. I mean I even need a breather sometimes. Fuck off Robbie.

"Are you speaking from experience?" I ask as I turn to Sinjin and cross my arms on the table.

"Oh yes." He said reaching his hand to my shoulder.

"Fuck off."

Sinjin's always had this stupid disgusting crush on me. I wouldn't even date him if he were me that's how serious this is. And it's like, I can't get rid of him. He's like a infestation. I can't kill him off without exterminators which I have none of. Well I would if Vegas would have cooperated with me and if Cat had a real brain, but those plans fell off long ago.

"Do you always have to be so rude?" Vegas asks as she glares at me in which I glare right back at her. "Well do you always have to be so crude?" I said with a smile.

"Hahaaha, that rhymed." Cat giggled as I stand and grab my bag leaving them behind.

* * *

Back home is no better than it used to be. Well, actually its worst. I mean, it's whatever now you know? It was years ago when I lost her. Yeah I cried some, until I figured there was no point anymore. Crying doesn't bring your loved ones back. So why do it? It's stupid. I learned not to cry about anything anymore, not that I used to all the time anyways. All it is is weakness. No tears, fuck those.

Walking into my house I see Ron spread out over the couch with an empty liquor bottle hanging from his hand. This is nothing new, so don't be alarmed. It's whatever. The guy always drinks himself into a fucking coma. Actually what's more worst then him, is his stupid girlfriend. Ugh she's so annoying. The only reason I'm glad she came around is because it took the pressure off of me. Thank God for that.

_**New Text Message**_

_**Sender: Cat **_

_**Cat: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii**_

I roll my eyes at the text as I walk into my room slamming the door behind me before flopping onto my bed.

Me: What's up?

Cat: Guess what?

Me: No.

Cat: Awwwww c'mon guesssss pleaseeeeee?

Me: You got more annoying?

Cat: What's that supposed to mean!?

Me: Nothing.

Cat: Oh kk.

Me: What is it!?

Cat: Oh! Tori and I are having a sleepover tomorrow. You should come too!

Me: Why would I want to sleep at Vegas' house?

Cat: Because there's going to be friends, and movies, and pop corn, and….movies.

Me: Who's all going?

Cat: Me, Tori….you.

Me: So in other words you just want me to spend the night tomorrow? There's no real sleepover.

Cat: Yess!

Me: No.

Cat: Awwww pleaseee Jadey!

Me: Stop calling me that! And I said no!

Cat: You owe me Jade! Remember when you said that you owe me for making me cry that day? Well you owe me to come stay the night with us!

Jade: Ughhhhhhh! Whatever I'll come.

Cat: Yay! You can ride home with us tomorrow after school. Mom is picking us up!

Me: Whateveerrrrrr

I sigh as I roll onto my back and look at the ceiling.

_~Flashback~_

"_Dang it, I forgot to pack my sunscreen." I frowned as I looked through my swim bag. _

"_It's fine. We can stop and pick some up." My mother said as she gave my back a quick rub before returning her hands to the stirring wheel._

_Today me and my mother are just having a day out. These are what she likes to call dates, but I rather not think of it as a date. It kind of creeps me out. So I just say day out. We usually try to have one at least once a moth where we'd do something fun, go to dinner, then finish off the day watching the sunset from a special spot not many people know about here in LA. I hate to get all cheesy and mushy about things like that, but it's really a beautiful thing. I feel like I can be free there and let all my thoughts and troubles go. I feel very at ease especially when I have my mother right by my side. _

_We pulled up to a small corner store not far from the water park we were headed to. Once inside we quickly spotted some sun block in which I thought twice about and instead picked up a bottle of sun tan lotion._

"_I don't think you'll get any darker babe." She chuckled as she grabbed sun block for herself. _

_I just shrugged. You never know. I mean I've tried tanning before and yes it was a big fail because only spots of me tanned, but I didn't have sun tan lotion to help. This time it will help._

_**BANG**_

"_Everybody put your fucking hands up!" _

_I froze in my tracks as I look up to see a two men wearing all black and face mask as they held guns up. _

"_Money, now! Don't make me tell you twice!" One guy said as he held a gun to the cashier who struggled to open the register. The other guy pointed the gun around to everyone in the small store as he kept quiet waiting for his friend to finish the job._

_I know this is something that I should be afraid of and trust me I do get afraid sometimes, but…I'm not now. I don't feel afraid the least bit and me not panicking quickly spotted a back exit to the store._

"…_Mom." I whispered as she kept quiet and held me closer with her trembling hands around me. "Back exit." I whispered again to her making sure not to get the robbers attention._

_I didn't see her but I know she turned to see where I was saying because I felt myself being pulled with her a she took tiny steps backwards. We took small step after small step as we heard a police siren coming from just outside. The guys cursed as one shot the ceiling yelling angrily about someone calling the cops._

_Within seconds policemen came running into the store shooting starting off a whole gun fight as the robbers shot back and it was in that moment I felt myself being jerked around in front of my mother and pushed out of the fire exit that had stairs behind it leading outside. I didn't have time to stop myself as I tumbled down the stairs cutting my face on a broken piece of glass on the way down. And even though my knee was on fire and I felt the side of my face dripping blood I stood quickly because my mother wasn't behind me. _

"_Mom!" I screamed out waiting for the door to open again and her run after me as I hear gun shots still being fired, but the door never opened, she never came running behind me. _

_~End of Flashback~_

That day my mother was shot and killed along with two other mothers and one father. That day never leaves my mind. She took her own life to save me. And… No matter what I do, it's always there. I see it when I close my eyes at night. I see it when Ron's body is on top of mine knowing now there's no hope for her to save me anymore.

It's all my fault that she's not here today. If I never had of made her stop for stupid sunscreen she's still be here! And….whatever. I don't…fuck it okay. I don't even care anymore. That was two whole years ago. Who still gives a fuck? Not me.

**KNOCK, KNOCK**

I sit up quickly before dashing to my bathroom and shutting the door softly as I lock it. Covering my ears, I walked back into a corner and slid down the wall before bringing my legs to my chest and closing my eyes tight.

"Jade, babe you in here?" He asked as I heard my room door opening. I still hear his slurred voice through my covered ears and bathroom door as I grit my teeth tight.

**KNOCK, KNOCK**

"Jadeee, I know you're in there. Open up babe. I just want to show you something." Ron said as he banged on my bathroom door again this time demanding for me to open up.

I know….I know I should be used to this by now, and I kind of am, it's just…it's hard sometimes. You probably wonder why I don't tell, well because….where would I go? Who would want me? I don't have any other family that I know would actually take me in no matter what circumstances may be. My aunt is just a rotting soul. She doesn't give a shit about anything or anyone and she never has. So who does that leave me with? Ron, or the street or foster care, take my pick…..Ron's.

I open my eyes just in time to see the bathroom door get kicked open hard with his foot. This is the third time he's broken the lock on my bathroom door. My bedroom door lock is damaged beyond repair.

"Why do you hide from me?" He slurs as he gets to his knees in front of me.

I just shake my head as my heart starts to pound harder and my breathing almost at pants. It's just anxiety that builds up in me every time he's around. What makes it worse is that his girlfriend, Olivia, knows exactly what's going on with me, but she doesn't care. She doesn't say a word to him or a word to me. She's nothing but a hoe. All she wants is his dick, so as long as she's getting that she could care less of what else goes on in this household.

Today is no different than any other day. It's nothing new, I promise. He grabs my legs, slides me down, strips me, and does what he pleases before leaving me in a naked fetal position on my bathroom floor.

Tears fill my eyes, but they aren't tears of sorrow. No, those are weakness tears. These tears are tears of anger. Anger that no matter what I chose, I'd still be miserable, but either way I don't let the tears fall. I just let them blur my vision for the moment in time before I gather myself together, shower and get started on my homework as if nothing ever happened. It's almost a daily routine, but this is my life and the story of it and I'm sorry but there's not much I can do to change that.

_I've just learned to live with it._

* * *

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**Please, please review! ;)**


	8. Get Lost

Chapter 8

_Get Lost_

**[Cat's POV]**

_**14 Years Old**_

**KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK**

I take a small step back as I wait for the door of my mother's room to open in which it doesn't.

"Mom." I speak through the door but again I don't get an answer. This means she's either sleep or in her DBM (don't bother me) mode. She told us if she doesn't answer her door that means to let her be and that's been the rules since I was a little girl. Don't get me wrong, she's a good mother, she is she just has her days. Ohh! I almost forgot to mention she's Tori's mom too! Well, she was Tori's mom first but she took me in when I was younger after…stuff happened and I've been here ever since and Tori's even my sister!

Most of the time I don't bother to think about the things that happened to me when I was younger and that's because they make me feel funny. Like something builds inside me and gets bigger and bigger like air in a balloon every time those things run through my mind, and it feels like one day it will pop. So I just try not to think about it, or talk about it to anyone. Not even to myself and to be honest there's just a lot of things that went on then that I still don't understand to this day and really I don't care to know. I think the less I know the better life can be.

I have nightmares sometimes, you know, about that day. That one day. Sometimes I can't help but think about it, but it's not my fault that I do. It usually only happens when I'm alone before I go to sleep at night or when the room is really quiet. Most of the time I just keep myself occupied, that way my mind stays away from it all and I don't have to struggle to keep the thoughts away. They stay away on their own, and that's how I like it. That's how it always should be.

I sigh as I turn from my mother's room and start back down the hall with my head down.

I do a lot of things to try and cheer our mom up. She's always down and it's been like that since I was little. Trina says she's just a brat and doesn't care about anything, but I think Trina was just describing herself. It's just mom never wants to do anything fun, and when she does do something fun it's with her older friends, not with us. She's been through a few boyfriends growing up and none of them seem to make her happy. I'm not 100% positive on why she's so down, but I just wish I could do something for her to make her happy and more outgoing.

"Whoa."

I look up just as I run into my brother Beck, well Tori's brother but he's my brother too. "Oh, sorry." I say as I try to walk around him but he grabs onto my shoulders.

"You okay?" He lifts a brow.

I nod but the look in his eyes tells me he knows I'm telling a fib. I mean…I am fine, really I am it's just….I worry about my mom a lot even when she tells us not to, that she's fine. I just know she hates life and it makes me wonder why? We all love her. We're here for her. Are we not enough?

Beck pats me on my back before giving me a kiss on my head. "We'll be leaving for school in a bit here. I'll be downstairs. Tell Tori to hurry it up or we'll leave her." He smiles before walking past me.

I smile to myself as I head to Tori's room.

I love Beck. He's always there for me when I need him. He's kind of treats me the same way Andre does, but with less stress about it. Like if someone is picking on me Andre will kill them while Beck would just tell them off…..well Andre doesn't actually kill them, I'm just talking hypothetically. That's talking hypothetically right?

"Tori." I say as I push her room door the rest of the way open since it is cracked already. I watch as she stiffened but kept her body turned away from me. She sits on her knees in front of her bed as she hides whatever is in front of her from my sight.

"Cat." She says in a voice that she rarely uses. She only uses it when she's agitated with someone. It sounds like she's trying everything in her not to scream and yell at me.

"Yes?" I say as I cross my arms in front of me and sway back and forth.

"How many times do I have to tell you knock before you come in?" She says with her face still away from me.

I shrug before realizing she can't see my gestures so I answer her question instead with a simple, "I don't know" before backing away and apologizing. "Beck said we're about to leave."

"That's fine. Now please leave. I'll be down in a minute." She says in a more calmer voice, but I can still tell she's a little mad at me.

I back all the way out of her room as I watch her take her arm and wipe what looked to be her nose as she sniffs and looks over her shoulder making sure I was leaving as she told me to close the door behind me.

Tori's been acting weird lately. Not like weird, but like…weird weird. She's always hiding things from me or telling me to leave her room for a minute so she can "straighten up" while we are in the middle of a conversation or a movie or anything. And the crazy part is, her room is always clean! What is there to straighten up? When I question her about those things she always and I mean always shakes it off or changes she subject so I never bring it up anymore. Maybe she's just going through a phase? Jade tells me she goes through phases. She went through this one phase where she didn't want to talk to me for a long time. I was very sad about it but she came back around. I don't think I ever have said phases. Maybe I'm just the unnormal one?

"Ugh, can you play anything else!?"

"Can you get your own car?"

"Can you give me yours!?"

"Can you give me $5,000?"

"Can you just shut up!?"

"Can you just stop starting things?"

Tori and I both rolled our eyes from the back seat as Trina and Beck went at it like they alwaysssssssss do. I've never seen these two get along. I mean…occasionally I have, but that's something you see every blue moon.

Beck pulled up at the school parking lot and thank God he did. I don't know how much more of those two I can take. It's gotten worst from when we were younger.

Hopping from the back seat I left my siblings behind as I skipped into the school and right up to my locker. Ooooooohhhh I loveeeee my school! It's the best thing that's ever happened to me! I can dance and act and sing and do whatever I want! I never plan on being a real entertainer, but I like learning about the things the famous people know and learned before becoming the people that they are today. That's so cool right!?

"Cat."

I turn with a smile at the familiar voice as I throw myself onto him in a big hug. "Hiiiiiiiiiii!"

Andre laughs as he hugs me back before pulling away. "Hey Little Red. How are you this morning?"

I smile as I tell Andre everything I've done since I woke this morning as he laughed and listened to everything I had to say. I love Andre! He's my bestest friend ever! Well so is Jade, and so is Tori, but she's technically my sister and Jade is a girl, so he's the bestest guy friend ever! I can tell Andre anything. He's always there, I don't know what I'd do without him!

**DING, DING, DING**

"Oh we have to go to class!" I say as I pull on Andre's sleeve before skipping off to class pulling him behind me.

* * *

"I thought you said your mom was picking us up." Jade complained as she squeezed into the backseat of Beck's car with Tori and I.

And it's true. After I asked mom if Jade could stay the night she said that she'll pick us up so we wouldn't be so crowed in the back of Beck's car, but she never showed up. I figured something like that would happen. She finally texted Tori a frownie face apologizing that she fell to sleep and that she really was going to pick us up and I believe her. If she took the time to apologize she was for real.

I actually like the fact that it's crowed in the back seat because I'm pushed up against Jade that sat to my left and Tori to my right. I love hanging around Jade and being as close to her as possible. She makes me feel so safe and just…happy. Even though she can be really mean and rude sometimes I still love being in her presence. Sometimes I even dream about Jade. I dream that she has her arms around me in big hugs with smiles taking over her face. Jade never smiles. I mean like ever unless she laughs at a joke she's made about Tori or somebody, but she doesn't smile just to smile, or laugh just to laugh. I've seen her do it on occasion and it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my entire life I just wish she'd do it more often.

Sometimes when Jade talks to me, or when I see her in the hallways, or when she walks into class late a small feeling takes over me. I'm not sure what it is, and no it's not a bad feeling, it's just….it feels weird, but I like the feeling. It makes me want to wrap my arms around her in a big hug, but I know she wouldn't let me. She doesn't let me now. She's even slightly pushing me off of her because I'm leaning on her way more than I need to. I just wish she wasn't so mean to me sometimes. Well, I guess I'm lucky anyways because she doesn't treat me as mean as she treats everyone else and she definitely doesn't treat me as bad as she treats Tori. She's always extra mean to Tori and when I ask her why she picks on her the most she always says because she's an easy target…but isn't everyone else?

"Cat, stop it." Jade mugs as she shoves me off of her. If only she could feel that same feeling I feel about her. Then maybe she would be nicer to me. Hug me sometimes even. Oh that would be wonderful.

"Wait, you're not coming inside?" Jade asks Beck as he drops us off at home.

He chuckles. "No, I'm going out with Rob tonight. I'll be home later. Tell mom that." He states to me since Trina walked inside and Tori wasn't paying much attention as he rolls up his window and speeds off.

I turn to Jade who watches his car speed down the street and turn a corner. She has a small look of disappointment spread across her face before she turns to Tori with a mugged face and a snide remark as she fixes her bag on her shoulder and walks to the front door with Tori and I following behind.

I love sleepovers especially when they are sleepovers with Jade. She doesn't come to spend the night very often so when she does I make sure to try and make it the bestest so she would want to come again and again and again.

"Jade you can sleep in my-"

"-There's no way I'm sleeping in a room full of stuffed animals and pink walls." She says as she pushes pass Tori and into her room.

Tori gave me an apologetic smile as she tells me how we can all sleep in her room, but I don't want to sleep in her room. As a matter of fact…I kind of wish Tori wasn't here, or that Jade wasn't her friend. Okay well, she's not really her friend, but I mean I just wish she didn't know Tori, then Jade would have to sleep in my room and I would have her all to myself.

You want to know what I really don't understand? Is how Jade is so mean to Tori, but still always hangs out with her more than she does with me. She always takes her advice even after she calls it stupid. She always has a seat by her, even though she says she rather die than sit anywhere near her. She always hangs out with her, even though she says if Tori was the last person on earth she'd hang with rocks.

I can't explain the relationship between them because I don't understand it myself. It's like she's a hypocrite when it comes to things she says about Tori, but the things she says about me she's for real about it. Like when she says I'm not so smart, or she says she doesn't like listening to me talk for too long, or just….just stuff like that. When she says it to Tori it's like she's lying, but when it's towards me it's the truth. Even now she's making fun of Tori's room saying how stupid and childish it looks like she always does when she comes over but at the same time she's throwing her stuff onto Tori's bed. She tolerates Tori. She doesn't tolerate me. If there's something she doesn't like about me, she tells me and she doesn't put up with it. I either change it or she's not around. It's not fair. What's so special about Tori? I know she's a liar when she says she doesn't like her, or that she's not her friend. I want whatever Tori has. She can lean on Jade if she wanted to. She can hug her if she just really wanted to. She has, I've seen it even though Jade acts like she doesn't like it she does, because she hugs back. She doesn't hug me back unless it's something serious. That's the only time Jade hugs me and holds me. When things are serious.

"Hey get some more popcorn." Jade states to me as she sits in the middle of Tori and I before bed.

Tori thought it would be a good idea to watch some movies as well as I, but everything I picked neither of them agreed on. Tori suggested a couple of movies before Jade just stated that we are going to watch The Scissoring. It's a new movie that just came out a few months ago and it's plain awful. Trina told me to watch it with her one day and I peed myself. No…I really did! I don't know what it is about Jade and movies that scare people. She said she likes the feeling of being scared, but that's just crazy talk. No one likes to feel scared.

I grab the empty bowl from Jade's hand as I scoot off Tori's bed and walk out of her room. I walk slowly down the hall turning on every light on my way down. It's scary in this house at night especially when all the lights are off and I hate being alone in the dark. I only made the exception to get more because Jade asked me to. If Tori had of asked I would have made up some excuse on why we don't need anymore popcorn, but I want to make Jade happy.

It didn't take me long to put the popcorn bag in the microwave and watch it start to pop slowly.

**Creeeeek**

I gasp as I spin around fast almost knocking myself down in the process. "Hello?" I say because no one was there. My heart starts to beat faster as I turn back to the microwave telling it to hurry up so I can get back to the comfort of my two best friends. They'll keep me safe. They always do.

The popcorn starts coming to a cease as I hear footsteps behind me and I freeze. I clinch my teeth together as tears start to form in my eyes from terror. My eyes automatically squeeze shut as pictures of Mike flood my mind before I feel a pair of hands grab me and pull me back into them.

I let out a piercing scream as I kick and fight back with everything I have in me. He can't have me again. I'm stronger now. I can take him!

"Cat! Cat! It's just me!"

My eyes flew open at the familiar voice as he releases me.

"Cat! Hey what the hell is going on!?" I turn to see Jade and Tori standing in the entrance of the kitchen with looks of terror and concern all over their faces before I just cover my own face and start to sob.

"Robbie what the hell did you just do to her!?" I hear Jade scream at the top of her lungs before I feel her warm arms wrap around me and I instantly melt into her.

"I…I….I just wanted to give her a small scare, Just to mess around… I didn't mean to-"

"-Are you fucking stupid!?" Jade yells at him as she removes my hands from my face and looks me in my eyes with furrowed brows. "Are you okay? I'm sorry."

I just nod as I cry a little more turning to Robbie who seems to now understand what he's just done. He runs his fingers through his curly hair as he starts to apologize to me over and over as Jade tells him to stop and starts calling him names that I wouldn't like to repeat.

"Hey what's going on?" Beck asks as he walks into the kitchen.

"Ask your dick ass friend." Jade states as she grabs my hand and pulls me from the kitchen with Tori following behind.

I know….I know I might have overreacted just a bit, but…I don't mean to, it's just…..I can't help it sometimes. Sometimes I just get really, really frightened and I can't hold back. I hate it when people scare me, it's the worst feeling ever. I rather be ran over by a truck and I mean that.

We left the popcorn down stairs as we returned to Tori's room. Jade made Tori turn on a different movie.; a comedy this time as she let me lay on her chest with her arm around me.

This…these are the times I mean when Jade will hold me. The serious times and only the serious times. This is a serious time and she knows it. I don't have to explain anything to her.

From the corners of my eyes I can see Tori glancing over at us with what looked to be jealously written all over her face, but I could be wrong. Tori has nothing to be jealous about. Her and Jade are best friends even if she thinks they're not. Jade doesn't show it to Tori much, but I know she's her best friend. And to be honest, I believe Tori has Jade wrapped around her finger, not the other way around. Anything Tori asks Jade will do it, even after making 100 snide remarks, she'll still do it. I don't know if Jade notices but I do. Tori is lucky to have Jade the way she does. If anyone is jealous, I am.

"Let's go to bed. I'm beat." Tori says as she reaches for the remote and turns off the TV.

I feel Jade nod above me as she starts to sit up making me sit up as well. "Are you good?" She lifts a brow.

I just nod with a sigh as I climb off of Tori's bed with a stretch.

"Ughhh I'm so tired. How about you sleep on the floor instead Vegas." Jade wined as she buried her face into one of Tori's many pillows.

"No way. You can just sleep in my bed. There's plenty of room for both of us."

_Ooooh that's so cliché._ I thought as I rolled my eyes and shook my head. I start to head for the exit of the room until I hear Tori call out asking where I was heading.

"To my room."

"Sleep in here with us. You can sleep in the bed too." Tori smiled.

"Great, we'll be in here like sardines." Jade huffed as she threw covers over her head.

Tori smacked her through the covers before telling me to get in bed in which I immediately took a spot in the middle.

"Can you sleep on the end Cat?" Tori asks as she stands beside the bed looking down at me while she plays with her fingers in front of her.

"Why?"

"Because….I want to sleep in the middle. That way I can be beside both of youuu." She smiles as she tugs on the bottom of my shirt. It's that stupid innocent smile she gives, but Tori isn't innocent. She's hiding so many things from me and I just can't figure out what they are. I'm not clever enough and she's an expert at hiding, but I will figure her out one day. I will. Then she's be exposed. Everything she's hiding….ugh I can't stand it!

"…Um, okay." I said as I scoot out of bed and let her in. Once I crawl back in she leans over and kisses me on the cheek with a simple thank you before she reaches over Jade and turns the light out, then every things quiet.

After a couple minutes I hear a couple whispers beside me but couldn't make out a thing they were saying as a few chuckles from Tori were jammed in between, then everything was silent again.

I don't like it. As a matter of fact I hate it. I hate the relationship between them. Jade was always nicer to me, then she was nicer to Tori. I was always her best friend, then she best friended Tori, I was the first one she ran to, now she runs to Tori. Tori, Tori, Tori. Why doesn't she disappear! That's what she needs to do! Disappear! And I wouldn't care! I'd be glad she was gone, because everything is always about her.

_Get lost Tori Vega. Get lost._

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**Thanks for reading! Please review! :)**


	9. What A Dream

Chapter 9

_What A Dream_

**[Tori's POV]**

I lay flat on my stomach stretched out over my bed with my chin resting on my pillow. In front of me my right hand is occupied filled with a triple blade razor while my left hand struggles to pull the top blade loose from the razor head. "Yes." I say to myself as the blade pops right from its place. I carelessly toss the purple razor across the room not needing anything else from it. I have all I need.

I roll onto my back and stare mindlessly at the sharp blade as a shiver takes over me from just the thought of what the blade can do; of just the thought of how it feels against my skin. The way it moves down so softly slicing open the smooth skin beneath it making dark red blood ooze slowly from it's trace leaving marks that will be reopened in the near future.

Another shiver takes over me but much more quick like a chill as I put my thoughts to action. Using the tip of the blade, I move along my thigh making the pleasuring feeling as I watch my blood ooze slowly as it always does. A soft sound escapes my lips kin to a moan as the pain and pleasure mix sweeps through my body and sets in.

Nothing can compare to how this makes me feel. It's my high, my drug and I can't stop. I started only a few months ago after having an argument with my mother. Well, we argue a lot now lately. There's nothing we can agree on; nothing goes hand in hand with us. It just had upset me so much for the last time and I needed some kind of release. Every time we argue something builds up in me. It makes me so mad, so furious, I just want to break something or hurt someone, but I've been keeping control of myself well. That last argument I just couldn't hold it in any longer and I took my nails and scratched as hard as I could down my arms and then I moved to my thighs which started to bleed. The sight just…it made me…it was just….so good. The feeling. I grabbed scissors and I did it again. They worked, but nothing would work as good as a razor blade. So that's what I did and that's what I do. The feeling, God the feeling is so good I can't even put it into words. It's almost like trying to explain what an orgasm feels like. (Which I've had my first one just last year by the way). You just can't do it.

**KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK**

I jump up instantly as I put my hand over my bloody thigh. "Who is it?" I call out in the calmest voice I could.

"It's Cat." I hear my sister calling from the other side as I scoot from my bed and sprint to my bathroom.

"Hold on a moment!" I call back as I quickly use a wash rag to wipe the blood away. The cuts never bleed long at all and it's so easy to just wipe and put jeans on as if nothing ever happened. Sure it's sore, but it's so worth it.

Running back into my room, I quickly slide on the pair of jeans I just taken off before sprinting to the door and swinging it open to a bubbly smiley Cat. "What's up Cat?"

"Can you braid my hair for me? We are going to go swimming! Do you want to come too?" She claps in her normal childish way as she giggles. Her smile goes from ear to ear as she sways back and forth ready for my answer to be a simple yes but unfortunately today it's not going to be.

"Not right now Cat. I'm busy." I say with a frown. I hate to tell Cat no, but she'll just have to take it as that today. Plus there's no way I could go swimming. Me in a swimsuit is not okay right now. I'll be swarmed with questions upon questions. Then they'll be concerned, then they'll call me crazy and I'll end up like the rest of them. In the nut house. I'm here to say that I am not crazy and that I don't need help; that it's not a bad thing; that it's not causing me any real harm; and that I'm not addicted. I can stop when I want and choose to. It's not a mental disorder, I know what I'm doing. To be honest I don't have a problem telling people that I do it, it's just…I'll be judged and I don't want that right now. Maybe later. But right now I just want to relax and do me without other people's inputs on what they think of me. I don't need to hear it. I'm fine. When I want to hear their say-so's, I'll let them know.

Cat's smile instantly vanishes not leaving a single trace of happiness on her face as her eye brows furrow. "Why not? You never do anything fun anymore Tori." She wines with a sound of concern in her tone. And she's not lying, I don't really hang out with her much anymore. It's not that I don't want to, it's just….I'm doing me right now. I need time to myself and time to think and with Cat around that will never happen. She doesn't even give herself time to think. And I still do "go out". I mean I have to go to school and stuff, but besides that, if I'm not at Jade's, I'm at home and that's kind of how I like it.

"I'm sorry Cat. Maybe next time okay?" I say as I lean against my door with a frown.

She just sighs as she nods and walks from my room door with her head down before she turns back. "Does that mean you can't braid my hair either?" She lifts a brow at me with small hope in her eyes.

I really don't want to but for the sake of Cat I agree to braid her hair in two single braids going down each side of her head and explained to her as soon as I am finished, she'll have to leave. If I don't tell Cat she has to go, she'll stay in my room all day, and I mean _all day_. I don't mean to sound rude, but even the sweetest, nicest, I-love-to-be-around-people-all-the-time type of person would need a break from this red-head once in a while. She's a handful.

"So who's all going?" I ask once we both get situated.

"Going where?"

"Swimming." I say to her as I braid one side of her head.

"Oh! Me, Andre, Robbie, Beck, Trina…..you and Jade would….but you know…whatever." She said with a shrug keeping her head down.

"I will next time. And what does that mean? Why isn't Jade going?"

I hear a small sigh come from her which I could be mistaken as an aggravated sigh, but it just could be me.

"She's not going because you're not." She says under her breath as if she's talking through gritted teeth. But how would she think Jade's not going because I'm not? She just found out I wasn't going.

"I just told you I wasn't going Cat. Jade even doesn't know that I'm not. So why would you think that?" I ask as I rubber band the end of her braid.

"No she doesn't, but when she finds out you're not she's not going to either. I already know she won't. So no need to ask her to come." She says as she plays with her fingers in front of her. And that's so not true. Jade does whatever she wants to. I have nothing to do with what she chooses. Actually, Jade always does what I don't. _"Vegas should be a vacation, but all I want to do is get away."_ Jade told me just the other day when we all agreed to go to Nozu after school. She mocked and teased saying how she would rather be anywhere else since I was there with her. So whoever put these lies in Cat's head needs to get their facts straight.

"Not true Cat. She'll go. She's been wanting to go swimming for someti-" I stopped mid-sentence as Cat holds her phone up to me. Grabbing it from her hand I scrunch my eyes at the light as I read the last few text.

**Jade: Is Vegas going?**

**Cat: No, but you can still come right?**

**Jade: I'm busy today, some other time Cat.**

I sigh as I hand her back the phone. "She's busy today."

"She's only busy because you're not going Tori." She says as she pulls away from me and turns her body to face me. "What's up with you guys?"

I scrunch my brows as I shake my head. "What do you mean?"

"You guys…just…the way you treat each other….it's like…" She sighs as she shakes her head. "Forget it." She says with a frown as she stands. "I'll finish the rest. Thanks Tori." She says as she holds the end of the braid I started on so it wouldn't come down as she walked towards my door. Before I even had a chance to question her about anything she just said she was out of my door closing it behind her.

I sigh loudly as I flop on the end of my bed.

Cat has some stupid theory about Jade and I that's 100 percent not true and she thinks I don't know what she's thinking, but I so do. Or maybe…maybe I could be wrong about what I think she's thinking…I think. Never mind I won't even mention it.

Cat always throws herself at Jade all the time. Whatever Jade is doing, Cat has to do. Wherever Jade is, Cat has to be. Whoever Jade is talking to, Cat has to go talk to. It's slightly annoying and I can tell Jade is getting annoyed by her as well. Don't get me wrong. I love Cat so, so much. She's my little sister, I have to, it's just…sometimes she just needs to sit down. I've tried asking her about it, about Jade but she brushed me off then accused me of stalking her every move. But isn't that what she's doing with Jade?

I run my hand through my hair as I look down at my jeans that now have small blood stains seeping through. I must have cut too deep this time. Usually it's stopped bleeding by now. I sigh as I stand and pull my jeans down to look at the damage. It's not bad, I mean a band-aid would be nice, but I like the look of it. I'll just wear black jeans. It'll stop soon enough.

* * *

"C'mon Tori, we're going to be late!" I hear Trina call through my door before five loud bangs follow. "Tori!"

"I'm coming! Hold on a minute!" I yell back in frustration as I turn to face forward in the mirror frowning at my body. I turn to my dresser and grab the bottle of pills before I take one and shove it down my throat as I turn back to my mirror sideways. A loud sigh escapes my mouth as I grab my shirt from behind pulling it to tighten it around my stomach as I throw the pills across the room.

Tonight is the showcase at my school and Andre and I decided to do a classic song together. I've been waiting for this night forever because real Hollywood producers will be present. I know it may sound boring but this is so big for me especially if one of the producers like me and my music, well our music. Andre wrote it, but still. I have to look my best tonight if I don't look my best any other day. Just last week Trina took me shopping with her and I bought a dress that was 2 sizes smaller than what I can normally fit and I challenged myself to be able to fit in it once the showcase rolled around. I have yet to put on the dress, but it just doesn't look to me that I can fit it. I don't think I've lost anything.

And my words stand true as I struggle to fit into the size 4 dress that has inches left of a zip. Tears fill my eyes as I rip the dress off and sling it across the room. I hate my body. I just hate it. Nothing that I do works. I exercise, eat healthy, take those stupid vitamins and still I'm not losing any weight. Maybe if I cut down on eating I'll lose weight? Maybe I eat too much? And I'll take weight loss pills instead of those vitamins that aka 'helps with weight loss'. Andddd I'll exercise twice as much. I can lose weight. Not a problem…..well a little extra work, but not a problem. I can do it. I just can't stand the way I look. It's awful.

"Toriiii!" This time the voice belongs to Cat as the doorknob to my room turns gently and the door pushes open. Quickly I jump to my feet and wipe my eyes before any tears could fall.

"Cat! What did I tell you about knocking!" I scream at her as I stand in my bra and panties in the middle of my room.

She makes a small squeal, her eye brows furrowed and her bottom lip wedged between her teeth. I let out a huge sigh as I apologize to her for the 100th time about the same situation. I hate when she barges into my room. How many times to I have to tell her to knock. It's not that hard to learn to knock. Even Trina knocks!

"Why aren't you dressed Tori? We are leaving in like…now." She looks up at me with concern written all over her face. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

I hate that Cat always knows when I'm not feeling at my best because then I have to lie to her. Any truth that I tell her about me she'll just run her mouth. Yes I have my secrets and I'd love to share them with my little sister, but she just can't keep her mouth shut so I can't for those reasons. And when she does talk everyone will run to me with all the crap I don't want to hear. I've explained this already.

"I'm fine Cat. I just don't like my dress I picked out. I have to find something else."

"Where this one!" She says with a smile as she runs to my closet and pulls out a classy black and white dress similar to the too small I had bought. I just nod and take the dress from her telling her to wait for me downstairs before she notices the discarded dress across the room and ask why I'm not wearing that one. Then I'll have to make up new lies.

Finally dressed I half way smile to myself because I do like the dress. It's long enough to cover my scars and it makes me look slimmer. But deep down it's the fact that I'm not slimmer that makes the smile disappear from my face and a sigh escape my lips.

"Well hey there Vegas. New dress?" Jade side smiles at me with a lifted brow as she approaches me back stage at the showcase.

"No. Actually I bought it a while ago. Do you like it?" I smile as I flatten my dress out.

"I'd like it better if it was off."

My eyes widen as I put my hair behind my ear. "Excuse me?"

"I said, I liked it better hanging up at the mall."

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiii." We both turn to see Cat approaching with a huge smile and a skip in her step. "Aren't you guys so excited!?"

"No"

"Kind of."

"Well one time when I was younger my brother and I used to pretended we were at-"

"-Shut it Cat. No one cares." Jade glares at her as Cat frowns and walks closer to Jade.

"You're dress is pretty Jade. Do you like mine?" She says as she grabs the end of her dress and does a small twirl. It wasn't until now that I realize what Cat has picked for tonight's showcase. Her dress is nothing like she usually wears, actually it's the complete opposite. It's an all-black dress with lace tying up each side. Her hair is pulled back into a tight bun and her make-up is slightly darker than usual.

I turned to Jade to see her staring at Cat with bewilderment and a small shake of her head. "No. What are you wearing?"

Cat instantly frowned and took a step back. "I…it's like the one you wear sometimes."

"Yeah, okay." Jade stated nonchalantly.

"Then why don't you like it?"

"What on earth would make you go and wear that to your showcase? Even Vega's ass is bigger."

"Whattt!?" I yelled as I hit her arm.

She turned to me with a mug. "I said even Vegas' dress looks better. That was a compliment. Get your fucking ears checked." She said as Andre approached her from behind.

_I swear she didn't say that…._

"Maybe you should keep the swearing at a minimum. I don't think producers will be attracted to that type of stuff." Andre states as he walks over and stands beside me.

"I don't give two shits. If they don't like me for me, then fuck 'em all." Jade says as she holds up both her middle fingers and throws them around the room.

Andre shakes his head before tuning to me with a nudge to my shoulder. "You ready to jam white girl?"

"You know I'm half Latina." I told him with a smile.

"I heard Latina's give good head." Jade says as she looks down and picks her nails.

"What!?" I scream out.

She looks up with a twitch in her eye. "I said I heard Latina's sing really bad. Damn Vegas it's not fun to insult you if you can't hear shit." She says as she throws her hands up.

I turn to Andre who was looking at her weird before he just shrugged and smiled at me.

I hate the way Jade messes around with me. Well…I kind of do. I mean…it's funny sometimes I have to admit but then again it's not. I try so hard to get on Jade's good side and I swear that nothing I do works. She still insults me and picks on me any chance she gets.

What's really annoying to me about Jade is the stupid crush she has on my brother. She talks about him a lot. She's even tried to sneak his number from my phone. And as bad as I want to her that her and Beck will never be, I can't. I can't because I promised to keep Beck's secret for him, but it's so obvious he's dating Robbie. Well they just started dating last week when he came home and told me about his movie date with him and how he got the guts to ask him out. Do I think it's wrong? No, not at all. You know…I don't judge anyone especially my brother. If Robbie is the one to make him happy then that's good. I'm happy for him, but it's not my place to tell Jade that. She's smart enough to see it. She always asks me why he's around Robbie so much and I just say because they're good friends. That should be the biggest hint. I wish she could date Beck. They'd make a good couple right? Then maybe she'd be nicer to me since she'd be dating my brother. God that would be nice. Having Jade West on my side of once.

_What a dream._

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**Sorry for long update. My computer's being a douche bag. Anyways, thanks for reading. Please Review :)**_  
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	10. Keep Your Mouth Shut!

Chapter 10

_Keep Your Mouth Shut!_

**[Jade's POV]**

_**16 Years Old**_

"Jadeeeeeee!"

"What Valentine!?" I yell as I snap my head toward her.

"The movie is over." She says with her head down. "You didn't watch it at all with me like you promised." She pouts as she stands from her seat and steps on me in the process of getting out of our roll.

I watch her before turning to the big screen seeing credits roll up slowly as I sigh. "Cat…" Quickly I stand and follow her out into the hall where she has now slid down the wall with her face in her hands sobbing quietly.

_I don't have time for this…._

"Cat….Cat get the hell up and come on. It's just a movie. We can watch movies anytime." I say as I cross my arms.

"You always do this to me! Why do you hate me so much Jadey!?"

I sigh loudly as I stomp my foot. Cat can be so damn aggravating! She over exaggerates about every little thing, and I mean every little damn thing. She never shuts up about me never spending time with her when clearly I am, and she's just…ugh sometimes. Cat hasn't always been this way. We were great, even best friends at a point in time. I mean don't get me wrong, she's still my best friend, it's just….it's either I can't deal with her like I use to or she's changed a whole fucking lot. It's like she's always there. Every time I turn around Cat's up my ass and it's annoying the heck out of me! I can't even go to the damn bathroom without her following me.

I know the right and good thing to do would be to talk to her about it, but Cat doesn't know how to talk. Her feelings are just bunched up emotions she doesn't know how to control or deal with so now she's all over the place. I personally think Cat needs some personal help, but when I mentioned that to Vegas, she got all mad saying how I was wrong about her sister but I'm not wrong. Cat needs helps, she always has and she always will. She's messed up no matter what anyone thinks.

"Cat, tomorrow I will take you to the park and we can have lunch together right after my doctor's appointment? How about it?" I say with a sigh and absolutely no motivation in my tone, but she clearly doesn't catch onto that.

"Really?" She looks up to me as she wipes her tears.

I slurp the rest of my drink as I take my time to answer her, but surely enough she gets her "yes" and that's all it takes for her to throw herself onto me with arms wrapped around my body tight and "yays" bouncing off the walls.

_God I hope tomorrow kills me…._

* * *

I hate doctors. I hate nurses. I hate hospitals. You know the worst thing about hospitals? It's a place where you take your hurt loved ones to be healed. You bring them here in all hopes that these trained professionals know exactly what they are doing and that they will be able to fix whatever it may be that's wrong with your loved one, but when they can't, and when they die, people scream and yell like it's the doctor's fault. They say they didn't "try hard enough" or "they didn't know what they were doing".

Hospitals shouldn't even exist. They are scams, scams making you believe that they'll be okay, but they won't. Everyone dies. Everything happens for a reason. Even if little Jonny gets shot, if it's his time to die there's nothing a doctor can do. He'll die. If Little Sarah is choking, she must be choking for a good ass reason because she deserved it. If she's not supposed to die, she'll be okay. Same for sick people. If they are sick they are sick for a reason. Don't fix them. Let them die when they are supposed to. That's why we don't need hospitals. Fuck hospitals. They don't help anyone. All they cause is heartache. They give so much hope for you to be let down. I hate them! Everyone I ever knew that came to this hospital died or is mentally ill in some form. Doctors did and do no shit. Fuck hospitals. You scandalous jerk.

**Knock, Knock**

I quickly take the locket of my mother and snap it shut before tossing it over to the small heap my clothes are in over in a corner of the small white room. I turn my head to the door without speaking before watching it open slightly and the head of my doctor peak in.

"Hey there, are you ready?" Doctor Valarie asks as she walks all the way into the room and shuts the door behind her.

"Well if you had of given me a chance to answer before you opened the door, you would know that answer."

_God I hate that. Why even knock?_

She gives me a side smile already being use to my forward personality.

Today I have a stupid doctor's appointment for my first pap-smear. I don't even know what the heck that is and I've never bothered to ask. Doctor Valarie has been my doctor since I turned 13 and I have to say I actually take a small liking to her. If you know me you know I don't accept very many and she's a small exception. Why you ask? Because…I don't really know. I guess it's something about the way she tolerates me without putting me into the category of teens who just hates life even though that's exactly me. She's not the type to preach to me about what I should and shouldn't be doing in my life and everyone seems to do that with me, but she doesn't and I like that I can talk to her without all that extra input. She's knows me pretty well, enough to know how I do in school, (which is failing by the way) and about my friends and my mother. She only knows what I tell her and even though I do take liking in her, telling her any personal secrets are a no-no. One person knowing a secret about me is enough, and that person being Cat is wayyyyy more than enough.

"Alright Jade, before we start do you have any questions or concerns about anything at all?" Dr. Valarie smiles at me as she starts to put on gloves.

I just shake my head before I stop mid-shake. "Well…what exactly is a pap-smear?" I ask as I tilt my head to the side. It's not that I'm stupid or anything. It's just I never really heard of it and didn't bother to look it up before the appointment rolled around.

She keeps her smile as she walks over to a drawer and pulls out one of the many plastic wrapped tools that I'm guessing she'll be using today. She opens the pack and pulls out an all silver solid tool that looked like wanna-be tongs but way more smooth and leveled out. "A pap smear is all about checking for changes in the cells of your cervix." She says as she pulls out an oversized q-tip from another drawer. "Your cervix is the lower part of the uterus that opens into the vagina which is your birth canal. A pap test can tell if you have an infection, abnormal/unhealthy cervical cells, or cervical cancer. Don't let that scare you, it's just to check to make sure everything is going fine and if there is a worry we can catch it quick so it doesn't spread." She places her tools onto one of those cliché silver pan type desk before she tells me to lay back.

"…How is this done?" I ask as I rest my head on the very uncomfortable bed/table.

"Well I'm going to have you put your feet here and I'll have a sheet covering you up right here." She says as she points to different things. "This is called a speculum.I'm going to use it to open you up a bit and I'm going to use this brush and q-tip here to take some samples, then it'll go into this glass, and then we're all done." She smiles as she puts everything back.

I just nod as I close and eyes and…wait. "Whaoooo what!?" I say as I sit back up. "You mean you're going to like…stick that thing inside of my…._me_?"

She chuckled as she took a seat in a rolling chair. "Yes Jade. It'll be really quick. It might hurt a bit since you're a virgin, but it's a quick process I promise."

I bite my lower lip as I sit back. Well that explains why I had to remove my underwear….but still. Okay, yes I told her I am a virgin because technically I am right? Well…I never chosen to do it, so yes…I am a virgin.

_I don't want to do this._

I sit back up as she turns on a really bright light that made me flinch as I put my hand up to block it. "I changed my mind. I don't want to do this today okay? Maybe next time."

She chuckles again as she shakes her head. "It's okay to be nervous or scared, but there's nothing to fear. You'll be fine. It'll be over before you know it. Now lay back down." She says as she stands to her feet and puts a sheet over my thighs. "Put your feet here." She taps on the metal feet petals that sits up high so that if I do chose to put my feet on them everything I own will be spread open for the world to see.

I shake my head. "No. Really I just want to leave."

"Jade West. You aren't giving me a hard time today and I'm not letting you leave until this is finished. So we can sit here all day, or you can do this and get it over with. Either way I win." She side smiles as she lifts a brow and crosses her arms mimicking my same moves I gave to her the last time I was here and refused to get a shot. No I'm not a baby, I just don't like fucking needles.

I huff knowing I won't win. She always does and she's right. Valarie is always someone I don't put up an argue with after she's made her point. I'm the type of person that if I say I'm not going to do something that means I'm not going to fucking do it, and that's that, but something about Dr. Valarie just makes me give in sometimes. She makes me smile when no one else can and it's just…when I see her anything that's going wrong…I just….I kind of feel safe around her…like she's a mother. Like she can save me, but I just don't know. I was going to tell her, but then I got afraid things would go so wrong. They'd put me in foster care and I'd never see anyone again. Or worse they'd put me with a family who hates me even more. No, no, no, no, no. I'm not telling her shit. I like her, I really do, but I can't. She's my doctor, she'll call the police, child services, everyone. No. Keep it to yourself Jade. Keep it to yourself.

Knowing I'm not going to win, I go ahead and lay back down and put my feet where I was told. Closing my eyes tight, I pretend I'm anywhere but here. This is uncomfortable, but not nearly as uncomfortable as at home, so I can take this. It should be nothing.

I hear her chair roll close to me before I hear a small noise escape her mouth. I feel her thumb pulling on skin around my inner thighs before her hand disappears completely. Peeking through one of my eyes, I see her looking at me with what looked to be confusion and sadness as she sighs and turns to grab onto the applies some type of gel to it as she turns back to me. "This is going to be a little cold. Just relax. Don't tense up, or it'll make it a little hard for the both of us okay?"

I just nod as I close my eyes again as I feel her start to slide the cold hard metal tool inside me. I gasp, not at pain, but as a flash of Ron filled my mind. Quickly I opened my eyes as I felt like the air in the room was being sucked away little by little.

"…Jade…."

My eyes close again as my body tenses and the room becomes an almost unbearable hot. I feel her slide the tool in me the rest of the way as I take my hands and cover my eyes when I feel them start to water_. _

_I….what is going on with me?_

Her actions below start to become a numb as sounds of his panting and groaning fill my ears while the air supply in the room is down to 5%. I feel like I'm drowning, but there's not water and I can't stop. I can't stop this….episode that's taking over me that I didn't even start. I have no control of myself as I pant and sweat and suck in air as if I'm in the middle of an asthma attack.

Before I know it, I feel warm, tight, loving arms wrap themselves around me.

"Jade! Honey, it's okay! I'm done, I'm done, it's over."

Immediately, and I mean immediately everything that was happening to me came to a complete stop. The 5% air returned to 100%. The tenseness turned calm. The hot air turned winter cold. And my eyes dried as I opened them to see Valarie looking into my eyes with bewilderment.

"…I…." I look at her and shake my head before looking down at myself. I don't even remember taking my feet off the metal. I don't remember sitting up and wrapping my arms back around her just as tight. I don't remember, I don't know what just happened.

"…Are you alright?" Valarie asks in a concerned, confused voice.

I just nod because that's all I can do. I don't even know what the hell that was about.

She was quiet for a moment as she pulls herself away from me and starts to mess with all that crap she just used on me.

"…Do you always have panic attacks like that?" She asks over her shoulder.

_Panic attack?_

I don't answer her as she walks back over to me and takes a seat in front of me as she grabs both my hands. "Jade….I know you think it's none of my business, but...I've been watching you over the years and….is there something…something you want to talk about or anything at all?"

I bite my bottom lip as I shake my head without thoughts.

She grabs my hands tighter as she leans a little closer. "Jade, I care about you so, so much. I love you. And…." She shakes her head as she sides smiles with furrowed brows. "You may think I'm worthless, stupid, whatever you think, but I'm not stupid babygirl."

I just stare at her for a moment without words. Maybe if I don't speak, she'll go away.

"…What's going on?" She asks as she looks me directly in my eyes.

I suck in a gallon of air before letting it out slowly as I just shake my head. She doesn't need to know anything. She'll make it worse. I'm not doing it. I'm not. I'll be just fine without her or anyone's help for that matter. I'm almost 18. Then I can move out on my own and Ron can't mess with me anymore. I mean I've dealt with him for this long, what's two more years?

"….Jade do you know we don't give pap smears to people who don't have sex."

I know where this is going, and I don't want to fucking hear it. She's wrong about anything she says. Tell her she's wrong Jade! Tell her she's fucking wrong before she says anymore!

"…You're wrong." I say in a much weaker voice than I intended making myself look like I'm lying, making myself look fucking weak. I'm not weak, and I'm much stronger than her and her words. I am.

She gives an aggravated sigh as she removes one of her hands from my hand and moves it to grip my wrist gently.

"I'm wrong about what Jade? I haven't even said anything. I'm wrong because you know what I'm going to say because what I'm going to say is true and you know it is, so you're saying I'm wrong. Am I right?"

I just shake my head not trusting how tough my voice is anymore.

"…You have bruises all over your thighs. How did they get there?"

"I ride horses." I say using the first lie that popped into my mind.

"Bullshit Jade. You told me you hate horses last year, so now you ride them?"

My eyes widen at her use of language. I mean not that I am surprised that it's toward me, but just surprised that it's coming from her.

I just look at her without a word.

"That man….the one who used to bring you, he hurts you doesn't he?"

I look into her eyes as I felt myself start to nod but immediately stopped myself.

_Jade what the hell are you doing!? In here letting her question you like you're some kind of helpless child! You're not helpless! You have everything under control! How the hell would you let yourself get to this level of, of, of fucking weakness!? You weak ass bitch! Stand the fuck up and get the hell out! This is none of her business Jade! NONE! She'll ruin everything! YOU'RE LIFE!_

Nobody has the best in life and I can handle where I am! I've always had! All she needs is my confirmation and I'll be out of my own hands. Next thing I know I'll be eating government cheese.

_Keep your mouth shut Jade West and leave. NOW!_

I close my eyes as I shake my head hard and stand before running over to snatch up my clothes as she grabs my wrist to stop me. "Jade I can't help you if you don't talk to me." She says in a very calm voice, but I can hear it deep down she wants to scream. Tears form in her hazel eyes as she gently lets go of my wrist with a shake of her head. "You have to talk to me."

I bite my bottom lip as I look at her and then back at the door.

_LEAVE NOW!_

I nod to myself before grabbing up my clothes and walking out of the room.

* * *

**[Jade's & Tori's Text]**

Tori: Jade?

Jade: What could you possibly want Vegas? My never ending love?

Tori: No, just to hang out possibly?

Jade: What makes you think that I, Jade West, would want to hang out with you, Vegas Vega?

Tori: Will it kill you to say my name for once?

Jade:…lemme think…yes.

Tori: Why?

Jade: Because I hate it. It's stupid.

Tori: You know…..I don't think for all these years I've known you that you ever called me Tori. Not once.

Jade: Don't think I'll start now.

Tori: But why? I don't call you West?

Jade: Good for you.

Tori: Can you call me by my name….please?

Jade: Okay.

Tori: Seriously?

Jade: Yep.

Tori: Say it then.

Jade: Jori.

Tori: That's not my name.

Jade: Opps, I accidently hit J. Which is a great letter by the way. I think Jori sounds better.

Tori: Well cause it's the letter of your name! You just combined our names.

Jade: You wish I combined our names.

Tori: What does that mean?

Jade: Admit it Vegas. You love me. Just kiss me in the moon light when no one is watching.

Tori: ….Jade?

Jade: Let me kiss you back with so much force as I throw you against the wall letting my kiss fall from your lips to your neck.

Tori: JADE!

Jade: rotflmao….you like that don't you Vegas?

Tori: NO!

Jade: Haha whatever. Well I'm going to out. No I'm not hanging with you. I already told Cat I'd go to the park with her. We're actually leaving here soon. She's like obsessed with me these days. Might as well cherish a fan. Maybe tonight we can do something….

Tori: I know! And okay, like what?

Jade: We can fuck?

Tori: JADE!

Jade: (laughing emoticon) you're so stupid Tori. I'll see you later.

Tori: See you.

Tori: WAITTTT YOU CALLED ME TORI! OMGGGGGG!

Jade: No I didn't.

Tori: Yes you did go look at your text!

Jade:…well fuck. Take your ass to sleep or something VEGAS!

Tori: awwwwww you called me Toriiiiiiiiiii !

Jade: GOODBYE VEGAS!

Tori: Awwww Lol, see you Jade.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Please Review! ;)**


	11. Feelings & Emotions

Chapter 11

_Feelings & Emotions _

**[Cat's POV]**

Its days like these that have me jumping from my bed and sprinting to my closet to find the best outfit that I own. It's days like these that I take my time to make sure that my hair and makeup are up to perfection, that my body smells so good and that my words and actions are just right.

I know it's entirely too early, 8:00am to be exact, but I just couldn't wait much longer. She never spends time with me like she used to. It's like she never has time for me anymore so when she tells me she'll take me to the park and to lunch it's a chance of a lifetime for me, or at least that's what it feels like.

Today is going to be perfect, how do I know? Because it's going to be spent with Jade. I'll be on my best behavior for her and that means to not talk so loud, or stand too close. She doesn't like that anymore. Yes, I said anymore. She used to let me stand close, she used to let me hold her hand if I felt scared even, but she's changed.

I happily skip over to my mirror and take a small twirl letting my dress spin around with me as I do before I just stop and frown at myself.

"Why are you doing this Cat? She hates you." I whisper to myself before flopping down in my desk chair next to the mirror.

All the time….all the time I think of what I could do to make her like me again. To bring back the best friend relationship that we lost just a few years ago. It's like every week she finds something new that she doesn't like about me, and even though she doesn't admit it out loud most of the time, I can figure out what is but I just can't figure out why? Why is she trying so hard to distance herself from me now? Why is she avoiding me at school? Why is she ignoring my calls? What have I done? What can I do to fix it? What?

I know she probably won't listen, but I'm going to ask her these things today. I want answers. I'm tired of being pushed to the side. I want my best friend back.

_**New Text Message**_

I hear my phone go off and instantly sprint across the room to grab it.

_**Sender: Andre**_

_**Andre: Good Morning Little Red.**_

I sigh as I take a seat on the end of my bed. I don't know why I thought it was her. She never texts me first and hardly ever back for that matter.

Me: Good morning Andre.

Andre: Thought you'd be up. Whatchu up to today?

Me: I'm going to lunch with Jade.

Andre:…why?

Me: What do you mean why? Because she said she'll take me.

Andre: …..

Me: What's that supposed to mean!?

Andre: I just…I don't know. I don't like the way Jade treats you is all.

Me: We're best friends Andre. It's just Jade. It's how she treats everyone.

Andre: Na, I don't think so. Why don't you just stay home and I'll come get you. We can go to the trampoline factory and go see Disney's new movie Planes. I remember you said you were dying to see it. On me.

A wave of excitement takes over me as I think of the trampoline factory and movies with Andre, it sounds so much fun! I love spending time with him because he knows everything that I like. He knows how to make me happy without me having to tell him. But as bad as I want to go…..I really, really want to go with Jade. She offered and I just…I have to! I have to go with her. She doesn't do this often. I can always spend time with Andre.

Me: That sounds so fun Andre and thank you! But I really can't today. We can go another time, I promise.

Andre: (sighing emoticon) If Jade upsets you today, you better call me.

Me: She won't upset me. And if she does, It's okay.

Andre: It's not okay! Why the hell do you put up with her?

Me: Andre! Language!

Andre: Really? What is it about her? I don't understand it Cat. I watch you struggle to please Jade every day, why?

Me:…Because she's my friend!

Andre: She's not your friend! She uses you if anything! I bet you she doesn't even want to take you out today. You probably had to beg her or something and she's probably using you for something that will satisfy her.

Me: Leave me alone Andre! You always try to make me hate her!

Andre: I'm not trying to make you hate her Little Red. I'm just trying to figure out why the hell you waste all your time with her, on her, buying her things, impressing her when she doesn't give two fucks about you. She's not trying to doing all that for you!

My breath got caught in my throat as my nose started to burn and my eyes started to water.

Me: Whatever Andre! You wouldn't understand! Leave me alone!

I sent before I threw my phone across the room watching it land softly on my carpet.

My hands went to my face as I started to cry softly. She does care about me, Andre's just jealous because she doesn't hang out with him. Yeah…that's right, that's why he's always trying to keep me away from her so he can have Jade all to himself. No! he can't have her, she's my best friend! She's all mine!

**KNOCK, KNOCK**

"Hey Cat, you awake?"

My eyes shot to my door as my insides start to boil even more. "What Tori!"

"Do you have a b-"

"-No I don't! Go away!" I yell as I walk over to my door and lock it.

"Did…did you just lock the door? Are you okay?" I hear her ask in her fake sincere voice.

"Tori go away! I'm fine!" I yell through the door.

"….ookay. If you need to talk about anything you can come find me okay?"

I don't answer her as I flop on my bed and put my pillow over my face.

_Tori, ugh! So aggravating. I hope she's jealous when she sees me getting into the passenger's seat of Jade's car._

* * *

**HONK, HONKKKKKKK**

"Come on!" Jade yells from her window as I skip out my front door.

I skip all the way to her car and open the door before dropping down into the passenger's seat. "Hiiiiiiiii!" I smile and wave but she just looks at me with a mad expression and turns away from me as she pulls out her phone.

I look over to her flipping my hair slightly to get her attention so she could look me over. I look really nice today, I know I look really nice today. I even curled my hair to be down my back, but she doesn't even look. She doesn't even budge. She doesn't even acknowledge that I'm in her car for that matter.

I sigh lowly as I sit back as well and look her over. She looks no different than she looks when we are at school. Hair down, green highlights, black shirt, leggings, skirt, and black combat boots to finish her off. Her makeup is at a low and her face still holds her same look of hatred as it does every day.

"Look Jade, I curled my hair today." I say as I lean closer to her. She turns her head my way but keeps her eyes on her phone before finally taking a very quick glance before turning back to her phone. "Nice Cat." She says with no emotion behind it as I sigh again.

"Hey move to the back. Vegas is coming."

_What! NOOOOOO!_

"…What?"

"I just invited her. She said she'll be out in the minute. Sit in the back." She says as she puts her phone on her car charger and glances at me with a look that says "_Why are you still sitting here?"_

"..Jade…it's just supposed to be me and you today. Remember? So we can have a good time."

She scrunched her brows as if what I just said made absolutely no sense in the world. "We can still have a good time. Most likely even better. Now sit in the back here she comes."

…_Even better?_

"Why can't she sit in the back?"

"Because this is my car! You're the youngest and I said get in the back!" She yells this time as she points to the back seat as if I were her young daughter that wouldn't listen to instructions the first time given.

I pout with a groan as I push open the car door almost hitting Tori in the process (which was supposed to happen purposely by the way) and made my way to the back seat.

"Hey there Vegas." I watch Jade greet Tori as she gives her a side smile. "New shirt?" Tori smiles as she nods and looks down at her shirt as she closes her door. "Yeah, do you like it?"

"Yikessss." Jade teases as Tori playfully punches her in her arm.

I feel tears fill my eyes as I push open her car door and hop out slamming it back as hard as I could which made Jade immediately hop from the car as well. "What the hell is your problem Cat!?"

"I don't have a problem! Have fun with Tori! Since she's your best friend!" I yell out as I walk backwards.

"Oh my god! Cat you are getting on my last fucking nerves with this shit you're trying to pull! I'M YOUR FUCKING FRIEND! Stop saying I'm not! I'm sorry that you are so damn obsessed with me lately that I can't even fucking breath cause your always down my throat! Maybe if you back the hell off for a little bit I wouldn't be so irritated and aggravated with you! I don't know what's gotten into you, but you are so damn annoying these days! Ugh!" She yells before she gets back in her car and slams her own door.

I look over at Tori through her window with tears falling from my eyes as Tori just frowns at me and lets Jade speed off with her down the street.

I scream to myself as I try to kick the grass as hard as I could but failed and ended up falling flat on my butt before I cried even more.

I'm not obsessed with her! I don't mean to get on her nerves! I don't mean to annoy her! I don't mean to irritate or aggravate her! I just want to be closer to her! I want the close relationship we used to have! What have I done? I didn't mean whatever I did to hurt her I swear!

I wipe my eyes as I bring my knees to my chest.

She even noticed Tori's new shirt. She notices everything about Tori! Why can't that be me!?

_Fine then Jade! If you want to be Tori's best friend than fine! I don't care anymore! I hate everything! I wish I didn't have to see you or Tori or anyone ever again! Forget all of you!_

I wipe my tears with my arm as I stand to my feet and sprint back into my house.

Me: Please come get me!

Andre: Hey are you alright?

Me: No!

Andre: What happened, I'm on my way.

Me: I just rather hang with you.

I lie. I just don't want to tell him what Jade told me. Then he'll give a whole speech about him being right and I don't want to hear it! I just want to get away!

And it doesn't take long at all for Andre to get here. It never does when I call. He's always here in a heartbeat and he takes me where he promises. He even throws in going out for ice-cream before her brings me home. The whole day he only brought up Jade once and asked what happened which I quickly dismissed and he took it as that. I don't want to talk about it. I want to forget about it. Maybe I can forget about Jade even existing and Tori too. Andre can be my new best friend. I don't need Jade, he's right.

…..ahhhhhh but I doooo! I do need Jade! I want Jade to be my friend so badly! I want her approval of me so badly and I can't explain why because I don't even understand it myself! The feelings inside that I have for her, they won't go away and I don't know what they are. I just want her around all the time. I want her to hold me and be my protector like she used to be! I want her to notice my new shirt and play around with me, but she doesn't and I don't think she ever will! And it hurts so, so, so baddddd because she's not feeling what I'm feeling and I know she's not and there's nothing I can do about it but sit here and watch Tori have everything, that relationship that I once had! What did I do to lose it!? How can I fix it!

_Jade pleaseeee. Pleaseeeeeeeee!_

* * *

"I'll see you soon Little Red alright?" Andre says to me as he gives me a tight hug.

I hug him back just as tight as I let my head rest on his chest. We stand like that in my driveway for a long moment before I finally pull away but he doesn't let me go far as his big hands go to my face holding my head up so that our eyes can meet. "Don't let her hurt you anymore. She's not worth it." He says before letting his hands fall from my face.

I look down at my feet and there's no doubt a frown is taking up my entire face. He doesn't understand what I feel for her and I know he doesn't because I don't even understand it. These feelings, ughhh, I don't like them. I wish they'd go away forever. Then I wouldn't be in this situation. I wouldn't be dealing with this right now. How do I make them go away? How?

I finally give him a reassuring nod before thanking him again for the night and turning towards my door. I felt a hand grab onto my arm stopping me once again before he brings his lips to the side of my head in a loving kiss. I turn to look at him and the look in his eyes….I…I can't read it, I don't know what it is, and I've never seen it before so I look away. I look away and I put my head down and that's when I hear a sigh come from him. Not an annoyed sigh like Jade's or a reassuring sigh like Tori's, but more like a….disappointed or upset kind of sigh so I turn back to him with furrowed brows but he just gives a small smile telling me to be careful and that he'll call me later.

"Tori?" I call loudly as I walk into the house but I get no answer from her. Why? Because she's not home yet. She's still out stealing my time with Jade. Ugh. I slam the door making the house vibrate before tossing my purse on the floor and stomping to the kitchen to make me a glass of juice.

"Tori is that you?" I hear my sister Trina call out as she walks down the stairs, but I don't answer_. Everyone always wants Tori!_

"Ohhhhhh hey there baby sis. Have you seen Tori?" Trina asks as she walks into the kitchen, takes my juice from me and starts to drink it as if it was made for her.

"No! She's out!" I yell snatching my drink back from her making some spill onto the floor.

"You clean that. And when you see her tell her she owes me $20. Or you could give it to me?"

"Trina no! Leave me alone!" I yell as I grab a small rag to clean the juice spill.

"Pshh fine. Who put your panties in a waddle?" She asks but doesn't stick around to listen to an answer. She never does. I can never talk to Trina about anything. If it doesn't involve her, she doesn't want to hear it. I can never go to her or count on her for anything!

"Your pants are entirely too tight." Trina says to Beck as she walks out of the kitchen, him walking in the front door.

"Something you wish your vagina was."

"Gross Beck, that's fucking gross."

"Like your face."

"Your mama!"

"She's yours too!"

"Shut upppp!" Were the last words I hear as Trina disappeared around the corner of the stairs.

I sigh as I get to my knees and start cleaning the spill Trina caused as I hear Beck walk into the kitchen and into the fridge.

"Mommy dearest has you cleaning floors?" Beck jokes and chuckles as he opens the fridge and takes out juice from himself.

I sigh as I stand to my feet.

"Cat….hey what's wrong? You alright?" He says as he puts the juice down and grabs onto my hands with one hand, and uses his other to wipe the tears that escaped my eyes.

I sniff and hiccup as I just shake my head. "I'm just…..frustrated is all." I say as turn to my shoulder and use it to wipe my face.

"Nan none of that." He puts his hands under my arms and lifts me onto the counter top so that we were now looking eye to eye. "What happened? Does someone need to be taught a lesson?"

I shake my head and then shrug. "It's just….Jade."

"Jade? Your little dark friend? The one that had the crush on me?"

"…Yeah, her."

"What about her? What happened? Did she hurt you?"

_She's always hurting me._ I sigh as I look down into my lap where I play around with my fingers before I felt a finger go under my chin and lift my head back up. "What happened?" He asks firmly this time looking me dead in my eyes and I have no choice but to tell him. Beck always does this, makes me talk and I'm always happy to talk with him, but….I just don't feel like this is something I want to talk to with him about. It's not that I don't feel comfortable, it's just….this is something I want to figure out and settle on my own. I know for sure if I tell him that I'm confused about feelings for Jade and everything that's been happening with her and Tori that he'll try to get involved and try to fix things and….no. He'll just make it worst. I think…no I _know_ it's better off with him not knowing and me not telling. I don't want him in this.

"…It's nothing Beck. It's-"

**RING, RING, RING**

His phone rings from his pocket before he takes it out and looks at the caller I.D. which reads _"Robs"._

He looks at me for approval to answer his phone with an apologetic furrow in his brows and I don't mind. I gesture for him to answer as he grabs my hand. "Yeah…..no…..I'm in the middle of…..Robbie I can't right now I'm…..ugh….okay, okay alright I'll be there in just a minute babe…..okay….bye." He hangs up his phone and starts immediately apologizing then asking if he needs to stay saying no matter what Robbie can wait, that I'm more important.

My heart melts for him as I lean over and kiss him on his cheek. "It's nothing. We can always talk Beck. Go be with Robbie. I'm not going anywhere." I smile at him.

"He's not going anywhere either. I can see him late…." He starts but I stop him.

"-Go. I'll see you later." I say as I hop down from the counter. He leans down and gives me a small kiss on my head before heading off promising to continue later, but I don't want to continue.

_I just want all feelings and emotions to disappear._

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**Thanks for reading? Any favorite parts? Please review**


	12. In The Wrong

Chapter 12

_In The Wrong_

**[Tori's POV]**

"You didn't have to be so hard on her." I say to Jade after she finishes rambling about how Cat is getting on her last nerves. And I know, I mean I understand what she means about Cat, but she's sensitive. I don't even think she knows how she's coming off to Jade. She's just showing her friendship towards Jade the best way she knows how but it's coming off as more than what she's probably intending. And I mean yes Cat can be annoying, but…give her a break. She's Cat.

"Oh I'm Tori Vega and I take up for my little sister always because I just lovvvveeeeee her." Jade mocks in a 1970's voice before she clears her face and stays focused on the road.

"I don't talk like that."

"Whatever. Cat's just annoying me to no ends. You wouldn't know, you don't have to deal with the little brat texting, calling, following, crying, everything after you all the damn time. It's pissing me off. I love Cat, she's just…ugh. What's up with her? You should know. You live with the psycho."

"She's not a psycho Jade! She's just…I don't know. She really looks up to you I guess. Why don't you just sit down and talk with her? You keep avoiding her, maybe that's making it worst."

"…whatever. I'm tired of talking about it. I'll call her later."

I sigh as I sit back taking a small glance out of my window. Today has to be the nicest day of November month. It's not hot, just a great breeze comes through my window. I close my eyes letting the wind blow my face as I listen to the mixture of low rock music, traffic sounds, and kids laughter.

It wasn't until I felt a finger gliding across my thigh that I jumped up awakened from my daze turning to Jade.

"What the hell happened to you?" She asked with her finger still rubbing over the now scabbed cuts that are just above my knees.

I look down to where her hand is quickly I swatting it away as if it were an intruding mosquito before I sit up and pull my skirt down lower.

_Don't make a big deal Tori. Don't make a big deal._

"My cat did it when she jumped on me the other day." I say with a shrug. Even though I had a lie planned out because I knew these marks were noticeable, I still curse myself under my breath for making those marks so low. All my cuts I keep out of sight no matter what I wear, but I accidently made these few too low. I mean…it doesn't look bad, it was just for a quick relief that I can easily cover up with a small fib with no more questions asked, but Jade being Jade, she had to know every detail!

"You're cat? I didn't even know you had a cat? What's that cat's name?"

"Midnight." I say truthfully, because we do have a cat, and her name is Mid-Night. She doesn't come out much so I wouldn't be surprised if Jade hasn't seen her. "She doesn't come out much." I say to her before she starts on how she's never seen a cat in my house.

She doesn't take her hand back until we reach a red light. I watch as she glances at the cuts, to me, then back at the cuts. "Vegas….you're a horrible liar."

"I'm not lying!" I yell as I turn as much as I can to her with my seatbelt restricting my movement.

"Why are you so defensive then?" She lifts a brow with a smirk.

I glance at the light that turns green. "Drive!"

"Fine, you can tell me when you're ready." She says before she hits the gas.

_What is that supposed to mean?_

* * *

It wasn't long until we pulled up to a Red Lobster not far from our neighborhood. The place wasn't crowded at all so we were seated as soon as we walked through the door. And I hate it…I hate these feelings. They come when they want. I don't have to be at a specific place, I don't have to be seeing a specific thing, they just come and I can't control them. I need this release. I need it and I need it right now.

"I have to use the bathroom." I say to Jade once she scoots into the booth. "I'll be right back."

"I'll come too. I have to g-"

"-No!...no. I uh….I want to go alone."

She scrunched her brows as she turned her head to the side. "It's a stalled bathroom Vegas, I'm sure of it." She says as she scoots right back out of the booth and stands to her feet. "I wouldn't want to go to the bathroom with you anyways unless you have fantasies about me and you in a public bathroom. I mean if that's the case, then follow me this way." She winked at me as she walked passed.

Okay….okayyyyyy that's it. She has got to stop that. At first I thought I was hearing things. Then I thought she was just playing around, but now….I know I'm not hearing things, I think she's doing more than playing around…I believe she's like… she's serious. She flirts with me. All the time. And as much as I want to confront her about it, I don't because what if she's not? What if that's her just being…Jade. Then that's just embarrassing on my end if I confront her seriously about it and she's just playing. But….I don't know how to feel about it….do I play along? I'm not sure how.

"It smells like hell in here." She says as she walks into the bathroom holding the door open for me.

I give her a smile and a wink as I walk in before her. Causing her to lift a brow with a smirk.

_That's a flirt right?_

Quickly, I walked to the last stall and locked myself in before leaning against the wall. Reaching into my purse, I pull out the blade of a razor I had broken just before leaving the house. I drop my purse, it hitting the floor with a small thump before raising my skirt. "Mmm" escapes my lips as the blade comes in contact with my skin. I slide it over an already healing scar from this morning reopening it letting the blood slide slowly down my thigh but I don't let it go far. Reaching behind me, I tear a piece of toilet paper from the roll and wipe the falling blood before placing it over the cut completely.

"Tori?" I hear Jade call out in a voice that I've never heard before. "What are you doing in there?"

"….I'm using the bathroom Jade, got dang can I have some privacy!" I snap. I hate when people interrupt me during the moments. I just want to be alone.

"..Standing up? What you have a dick now?"

"Jade!" I yell slapping the stall wall.

Everything was quiet on her end for a moment before I hear the sounds of water running. "…I'll be at the table." She says and right after the water stops and I hear the door open and close.

I let out a breath I never knew I held as I ran my clean hand through my hair. I close my eyes and take a moment to gather myself before wiping the cut that's now stopped bleeding. I toss the bloody paper in the toilet before flushing it and fixing my clothes. I take a breath and let it out as I nod to myself giving myself conformation that I'm good and ready to go.

I open the stall door quickly and almost pee my pants to see Jade standing there with her arms crossed and her eyes crystal staring right into mine. "What the hell were you doing in there?"

"….Ja…I… I was using the got damn bathroom!" I yell trying to sound tough as I tried to push passed her but she stood in front of me before she grabs my hand and lifts it. "What's this from?"

I look over at my fingers to see dried up blood on them before snatching my hand away from her. "I…I….I'm on my period!" I say caught off guard, but it's still a legit lie right?

"….You're period?"

"Yes!" I say as I walk over to the sink, but I could tell by her reflection in the mirror that she wasn't buying that but she didn't say another word. She just dismissed herself from the bathroom letting the door slam behind her.

_Shoot. Tori you're so stupid! You couldn't wait could you!? You just had to do it now! Ughh!_

I turn the sink off with force before putting my face in my hands. I want to cry, but I'm trying so hard to hold it in. I can't let her see that after she left I cried. That'll just make her even more suspicious.

I hear the bathroom door open and close as I quickly wipe my face of any tears that might have escaped. I hate being caught crying.

"…Hey, you okay?" I hear the soft voice of a stranger as I finish off wiping my eyes.

"I'm fine thank you." I say as I turn to her.

She gives a small smile as she nods but she looks so familiar. I've seen this girl somewhere before, I know I have. "..Um….have we met?" She says to me before I can ask the question myself, but there's no place that I can think of. She can't go to my school she looks like she's about 11 or 12…..I really don't know and right now isn't a time to try to think. I have to get back to Jade.

"..I don't think so." I say in a rushed tone so she will get the hint that I'm not trying to figure it out right now.

"What's your name?" She asks as she steps closer.

_God just let me leave._

"Tori."

She furrowed her brows and shook her head. "I'm not sure."

"Well what's your name?" I say trying not to sound rude. I mean she's a cute little girl with a baby face and big eyes. They look just like Cat's eyes and they have that same baby face, but I don't think we've ever me-

_-Cat! She looks like Cat! That's where you know her from. She looks just like your sister! There Tori! You have it! Now leave!_

"Ariana." She says with a smile.

"Oh. Well I'm not sure if we've ever met." I say apologetically as I cross my hands in front of me. "Anyways, I have to go. Someone is waiting on me. Nice to meet you Ariana." I say as I head for the door.

"Nice to meet you too Tori." I hear her say as I exit.

I sigh as I run my hand through my hair and then fix my clothes. I hate that Jade's suspicious and that's my fault that she is. Me being so careless. Ugh, I really hate myself right now.

"Hey." I say nervously as I slide into the booth. Jade's seated with her hands in her lap as she looks over her menu with the same angry look she holds constantly.

"Yeah hey." She says absent mindedly as she keeps her glare at her menu. "Hey do you think their shrimp pasta is any good?" She asks casually as she looks from her menu to me with a lifted stud brow.

"Uh…I uh, never had it." I say as I start to nod. "I'm pretty sure it's good though."

"…Mm probably not. They probably leave the fucking tails on the shit. I hate that." She says as she closes her menu. "I'll get the chicken alfredo. What are you eating?"

I look down at my closed menu and shake my head. "I'll just get whatever you're having."

She just nods as she starts to pick her nails and I waited and I waited for her bring back up what happened in the bathroom but she never did. We finished up our lunch, went to the park, out for ice-cream, and even out for dinner and the entire time she didn't mention it once, but her personality did change. She wasn't talking as much or making flirty jokes with me like she usually does. She called me "Tori" for the rest of the night and her tone was much more softer than usual. It wasn't until she drove me home and we sat in her dark car that she spoke kin to what happened today.

"…Tori, I know I might come off as…rude and yeah but…you can talk to me about anything. I won't…judge you or anything about it. I mean, I know I judge you daily, but it's nothing serious, I like to fuck around. But if you have something serious you want to talk about….I'm here you know." She said as she sits back.

My heart starts to speed as my eyes fill with tears. Jade's never been so open with me before. She's always such a ….gank to me. I mean she has her moments when she's really nice and I always wish those moments would just last forever. I can't really make out the feelings I have for Jade because they're not easy to understand. There's times when I just really want to punch her in her face. Then there's the time when I just want to….just….want to kiss her. No…I'm not gay, or at least I don't think I am. I've never had a boyfriend even though I've been on a couple of dates and made out with a couple guys, but I've never had a girlfriend either or never even thought of it for that matter.

I look over at Jade and I can tell she's lost in her own thoughts the way she stares into her lap and fiddles with her thumbs. The way she's biting her bottom lip and sighing. The way she turns her gaze to me with no type of emotion on her face and that's what scares me. I can't read Jade. I never know what she's really feeling unless I ask and half the time she jokes about that.

_Maybe she feels the same way about me? _

Maybe not. There's no way Jade would want to….

"…Tori." Jade says in a low voice and even though I'm staring right into her eyes, my mind isn't there. I'm so lost in my own thoughts, I forgot I'm staring directly at her.

I swallow harder than necessary as I lift a brow. "Yes Jade?" I whisper back. I don't know why everything turned into whispers, but it feels so right. And I don't mean the whispers. I mean the way she's reaching up and cupping my face, the way she's licking her lips and slowly moving forward, the way her lips part, her head tilts and her eyes close, the way her lips come in contact with mine, softly God moving so softly. I respond, closing my eyes and kissing her back letting my lips move slowly along with hers. I feel her tongue slide across my bottom lip and I open wider letting her tongue fall into my mouth meeting mine gently. I don't know who made the first sound but soon the car was filling with small moans as her hand made its way to the back of my head pulling me closer, deepening our kiss. It started to roughen as our tongues fought for dominance, her free hand sliding up my thigh, sliding up my skirt.

Her kiss left my mouth and trails of kisses starts to run down my jaw bone slowly making her way to my neck as she slides as close as she could to me letting her hand cup my womanhood. A loud gasp escapes my lips followed by a low moan as she starts sucking my neck rubbing my panties softly that I know are becoming soaked.

Another moan escapes, louder this time and it…it scares me slightly but I don't pull away. My body won't allow me as I throw my head back giving her more access to my neck as I start to grind on her hand.

".Jjjj….Jade…we…..we can't do….do this here." I moan as my hands went around her neck.

"…We….we can go insid-"

"-TORIIIIIIIIIIII!" Jade and I both jump away so quick, me jumping so hard that I fall out of the car and I don't realize I what had happened until I look up to see the distraught face of Cat Valentine with tears falling from her eyes, chest heaving, and the car door handle in her hand.

"Catt." I say as I sit up and stand to my feet. "Cat listen…we were just-"

She screams as she balls her fist and pushes me hard into the car before turning to Jade who now stands outside of her car with a look of bewilderment and regret written all over her face. "Cat."

"Nooooo! No!" She cries loudly as she uses her nails to scratch down her face. "…Jadeeeeeeee." She cries as she stomps her foot and all I do is watch as Jade runs over to her and tries to hug her but Cat pushes her away, pushes her so hard that Jade falls to the ground. "Yoouuuuuu, butttt Jadeee how could you?" She cries and then turns to me "Toriiiiii? You…you knewwwww you….youuu I hate youuuu …...ahhhhhhh!" She screams again before turning and running back into the house with a slam of the door.

"Fuck." Jade curses under her breath before standing to her feet.

I watch as Jade slams the passenger side door before making her way to the driver's side. "Jade….wait."

She doesn't say a word as she looks at me with red eyes filled with tears before she just flops into her seat, starts her car, pulls from my driveway and speeds off down the road and that's when the guilt all the guilt in the world started to fill my entire body, every feeling from my head to my feet was guilt.

I…I did know. I know Cat likes Jade, okay, yeah I know. I try to pretend I didn't know. I tried to pretend that Cat's obsession over Jade was nothing but, but I knew it was. She's liked Jade for a long time and…. but….Jade doesn't even like her. I know she doesn't. Does she? She can't….not the way….not what just happened between us. And…it's now all confirmed the way Jade and I feel about each other and Cat comes and ruins it!

_Or am I in the wrong? Ughhhhhhh!_

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**Thanks for reading guys! Please, please review! **


	13. We Can Never Be

**Hey my loves, Victorious-FutureFictions back in the houseeeeee! I missed you guys! Did you miss me!?**

**Anyways guys it's IMPORTANT to go back and read the ends of Chapter 11 and Chapter 12 because I threw that adoption mess out of the window and changed it to some juicy stuff...so check that out it's important because you're going to miss an important event if you don't. **

**Anywayssss here's chapter 13! Enjoyyyyyy**

* * *

Chapter 13

_We Can Never Be_

**[Jade's POV]**

Tears burned my eyes and blurred my sight as I sped home as fast as I could. Feelings that I hate, that I normally keep aside keeps trying to take over me and I can't, I won't let that happen.

Fuck this, fuck Cat. Why do I care? Why does my heart ache for her? Why do tears keep falling from my eyes? Why can't I get her face from my mind? I hurt her, so what? It's nothing new. It's her fucking fault that she's so sprung over me. I have nothing to do with that…..or maybe I do.

It wasn't until I hit a stoplight forever away from my house that I realized that my house is next door to Tori's building my frustrations even more as I turned my car around in an illegal u-turn almost running into a tree that I hoped would have been the death of me.

Ughhhhhh!

I pull into my driveway stomping on the break before shutting off my car and yanking my keys from the ignition. The house looks dark and I silently give thanks because that means either Ron and his stupid girlfriend are sleeping or they're out for the night. I hope they're out. I'm too lazy to check and see if their car is in the garage to confirm.

I walk in quietly and close the door locking it behind me before making my way upstairs to my room.

"Jadeeee is that you?"

_Ughhhhhh!_ I slap the wall hard before growling. Tears refilled my eyes as I stomp all the way to my room and slam the door just awaiting what was to come.

I paced my room as I bit my finger nails before shaking my head to myself. I'm not dealing with his bullshit tonight. I can't….I just can't take much more of this, of him. I mean….not tonight, I can't.

Quickly I sprint across my room and grab a backpack that his girlfriend bought me for school like I actually was going to wear this elementary shit in public before I start packing clothes into it. I'm not sure where I'm going and I really could care less as long as it's away from Ron for the night. I might just sleep in my car.

After the bag was stuffed I quickly exited my room and sped walk down the dark hall before I felt a strong hand grab my arm and throw me against the wall. "Where the hell are you going?"

His breath reeks of beer as spit flies from his mouth and onto my face as he speaks. "Out." I say weakly, and I hate myself for it. I never show weakness to this man. I take what he does with a straight face until he leaves. I don't want him to ever see that he scares me. That I know he knows he has full control over me. I don't want to give him the conformation. It'll just make him stronger.

"You ain't going nowhere. The fuck is in the bag?" He yanks me around as he rips the bag off my back before unzipping it and pouring out all my clothes. "You plan on leaving or something?" He slurs as he gets into my face. "You know Melissa left today. She just up and left me. And it probably had to do with you little shit!" He yells as he punches me in my stomach.

Caught off guard I fall to the floor trying to catch back the breath he just knocked out of me.

"You were always good for nothing. Just a piece of shit. I don't even know why I'm letting you stay in my house! I don't know why I even dated that other piece of shit you called a mother. You're only good for a good pussy. That's it. I bet you don't even know you're mom dated me for you." He said casually as he took a step back. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a cigarette and had the nerve to offer me one before he shrugs and lights it.

I slowly stand to my feet as I lean my head against the wall. "What are you talking about?" I say with my eyes on him studying him slowly.

He puffs his cigarette again before smirking. "You don't know shit about your mother Jadelyn. Not shit. She let me have you. She knew." He pauses as he takes another puff. "She only wanted me for my fucking money. She ain't give a shit about me, or a shit about you. I'm surprised you ain't figured it all out on your own."

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about! My mother loved me more than anything!" I yell back taking side of my mother. _He knows nothing!_

"Pshhh." He chuckles as he put his cigarette out against the wall before stuffing it in his pocket. "I made a damn deal with her and I wasn't even serious about it but she said it was fine so I took the damn deal. Who the hell would give up a deal to fuck a tight ass pussy whenever he wanted?" He lifts a brow.

"What are you talking about? What deal?"

He chuckled again. "I met your mother a got damn strip club. She was always after me, for my money of course, nothing else. She kept asking me to go on a date with her, so fine I did. She was a pretty woman you know why not?" He backs up a little more as he leans onto the wall. "We dated a little, I didn't like the bitch and firstly, it's because I didn't like the way she treated you. Yeah I said it, she yelled at you all the damn time about stupid stuff and I'm like the fuck?

"Anyways, she kept begging for me to move in with her and blah blah blah and shit shit shit. I was fucking joking around when I said I'd move in if I can have that young pussy when I want it. She thought I was talking about her…naw. I said you." He pointed with a smirk. "And she thought for all of 5 fucking seconds Jade….5 got damn seconds was all it took for her to say, _yes_."

"That is not true!" I say as I pointed to him with burning tears filling my eyes for the second time tonight.

"The fuck it ain't?" He said as he stood back to his feet. "She didn't give 10 fucks about your worthless ass Jade! Stop taking up for that hoe!"

"You're a fucking liar! You've always been a liar Ron! Always! She loved me! She cared about me more than anyone or anything else in this fucked up world! And I know she did! Because she used to tell me to tell her if you ever touched me and I didn't tell because she was fucking happy with you!"

"SHE FUCKING KNEW! SHE'S THE DAMN LIAR JADE NOT ME! She tried to make you believe she was oblivious to the whole situation! She knew everything! It was her fucking idea!" He took a huge sigh as he ran his fingers through his hair. "You really think I was going to let your stripper broke ass of a mother move into my brand new house here in L.A. without some kind a prize? You're more fucked up then what I've given you credit for." He says as he walks up to me and presses his body against mine. His hand slips right into my skirt and into my underwear as he starts to rub me slowly whispering in my ear. "And don't act like you haven't liked it all these years. I hear your moans, your pleads when I tease. You like it because you're a whore. It's what you grew up to fucking be. You dumbass piece of shit. Get on." He says as he removes his hand from me and disappears back into his room slamming his door behind him.

My eyes close tight as my teeth grit together and my heart turns in knots. I start panting as I sprint downstairs and out of the door.

I don't take my car. I don't take a bus. I just run. I run, and I run and I run. Never…never has anything hurt so bad. It hurtssss so baddd. I scream as I keep running to nowhere. I don't know where I'm going but I don't stop. Tears fall from my face faster than they've ever fallen before. My heart beats faster and faster I can hear it throbbing in my ears. My breath is so short it's hurting my chest and I just….I feel like I'm going to die. I feel like I'm dying.

I didn't stop running until I hit a rock wall that surrounds a lake as I throw my head over and throw up what felt like pain. I reach to my neck and pull out the locket I've carried around since she died that was tucked into my shirt before ripping it off my neck and tossing it into the lake. I scream again sliding down the hard rock wall letting my knees come up to my chest and my face buries itself into them as I just cried and cried.

The _"How could yous?"_ And the _"Is it trues?"_ Fill my mind and I can't answer them myself. I can't….I can't believe this. It's not true…it can't be true…she loved me! He's lying!

"He's a liarrrr!" I yell out to the night but no one is really around to hear and the few people that are around keep moving.

"..Jade?"

I don't bother to wipe my eyes or make an attempt to ignore the familiar voice as I look up and see him looking down at me from his car.

"Jade! What happened!?" Andre asks as he steps from his car and walks over to me. "Did Cat finally tell you the fuck off?"

_Oh Cattt!_

I put my face in my hands and just sob louder as I felt his hand go to my shoulder. "Jade what happened?"

"I…..Tori…and Cat and….then….Ron and…my mother…and….it's…..I don't want to talk about itttttt!"

I hear him sigh as he knelt down beside me. "Why are you out here? Can you not go home?"

I just shake my head as I wipe my eyes, but it's no use because new tears fill them and start to fall.

"Alright, c'mon." He says as I feel his strong grip on my arm pulling me up.

I don't even have to ask to know that he's going to let me crash at his place like old times. Andre and I use to be closer than we are now. When I felt that I had absolutely nowhere else to go, Andre would let me crash. We were really good friends and then…we kind of fell off and I know it has everything to do with the way I started treating Cat. He hated it and he started to dislike me to this day. He has so much respect for Cat. Anyone that hurts her feelings or just does anything at all, Andre will be there to protect her, to hurt who ever hurt her and to make Cat feel better. He's a real friend to her something I would never be.

It wasn't long at all that he arrived at Andre's house his little sister running up to me saying how much she misses me before Andre told her it was passed her bedtime. Apparently the little girl snuck out of her room while her parents were sleeping to catch some late night cartoons.

"Do you need something to sleep in?" He asks as he makes the futon up for me that was in his room. I just nod as I keep my head down and keep silent. I don't feel like talking. I don't feel like thinking anymore. I just want to close my eyes and go to sleep. Close my eyes and die if I'm lucky enough.

"Here." He said as he held out an oversized t-shirt and some basketball shorts. I silently take the clothes with a nod of my head meaning thank you before I start to undress. I don't bother going to the bathroom, I don't feel like it. I just want to sleep.

To my surprise Andre didn't even steal a peak as he gets ready for bed himself just taking off his pants, shoes and shirt, leaving him in a beater and boxers. "You good?" He asks as I slide into the futon bed and I nod as he flicks the lights, but I'm not good. I feel lonely for the first time in my life. I feel that absolutely no one is there. If I died tonight, who would care? Who would be at my funeral? Tori? Maybe not even her.

"…Andre?..." Call out after about 15 minutes of sitting in the dark hoping he was still awake.

"Yeah Jade?"

"….Do you care about me?"

"..What?"

"Do you care about me?" I ask more firmly as I hear his bed creek and the light go on.

He sighs. "Of course I care about you Jade. I'm sorry if I come off as if I don't I do. I mean we grew up together. It's just sometimes things you do pisses me the hell off and it makes me wonder why you do those things. But I care about you."

"…So if I died, you'd be at my funeral?"

"Jade, stop that." He says as she removes his covers and hops from his bed. He slowly walks over to me as I bring my knees to my chest and rest my chin on top as he takes a seat beside me. "You're not gonna try and kill yourself or something are you?"

I just shake my head before I just shrug.

"What happened tonight? Do you want to talk about it?"

I sniff before I shrug again. "I'm pretty sure you'll hear from Cat….but at home….it's just not going well and…I just….lies I didn't know about. People that I thought actually cared about me didn't give a fuck at all. Why am I here?" I say as I look straight ahead letting tears fill my eyes yet again. "No one gives a fuck. I'm a piece of shit. If I died tomorrow Andre, really, who would care? I hurt so many people….and….I don't mean to I just…it's how I let out anger. I kind of just want to die. I want it all to stop. The pain Andre. It hurts so bad you don't know and there's nothing I can do to stop it. She never cared about me Andre! Never! It was a lie. I thought she was the only one in this world who cared about me and then she died and now….now I'm finding out she didn't give a fuck. No one did. No one. Please, I just want the pain to go away, I can't tell, I'll be put in a new home. I don't want to leave. I'm stuck, I'm fucking stuck."

By the time I finished venting I was sobbing hard into my knees. Andre doesn't say a word but he grabs onto my hand and stands me up with him walking me over to his bed. I crawl onto it as he gets on as well before he flicks the lights.

"Lay down." He says smoothly as I do as I'm told and as soon as I do I feel his arms wrap around me tight. My head falls to his chest and he gives me a kiss on my head before resting his chin on top. "I give a fuck. I care about you Jade West. You're not a piece of shit. If you were a piece of shit would you be one of the best play writers and actresses at Hollywood Arts right now? If no one cared would you be in my arms right now? I don't live your life Jade and I'm not 100% caught on on what's exactly going on in your life, but no matter how mad I am at you at the end of the day I care about you, a whole fuckin' lot. I wouldn't let anyone hurt you or treat you bad. I love you Jade. I don't know how often you hear that but I do. I love you so much as one of my best friends and your very special. No one out there is like you, as bold as you." He chuckles. "I don't know about them, but I wouldn't trade you for the world. You're very strong Jade and not just for a woman. You mean a lot to me. And I love you. I'm sorry you're going through this hard time. But I'm here as much as I can be." He kisses me again on the head as his arms tighten around me. "I got you, you don't have to cry anymore. I got you."

* * *

**[Cat's & Jade's Text]**

Jade: Cat?

Cat: What Jade!? Leave me alone! Please!

Jade: Cat….can we please talk

Cat: NO! I never want to talk to you! Or anyone!

Jade: Cat we have to talk about this.

Cat: There's nothing to talk about! Go be with Tori!

Jade: Caterina Hannah Valentine! I'm so sorry!

Cat:…..you're not sorry.

Jade: I am sorry! I don't mean to hurt you Cat! I just…. Cat we have to talk.

Cat: About what Jade!? What could you possibly say to me!? That you're in love with Tori!? That you're sorry you're not attracted to me? That I'm too annoying for you!?

Jade: No Cat.

Cat: Then what is Jade!?

Jade: There's reasons why I ignore you Cat. There's reasons why I hate you to no end. There's reasons why I'm trying my hardest to fall for someone else and it's taken me so long to realize it, but….I know I can't do this with you Cat, that's why I'm distancing myself from you. It could never happen for different reasons. So I never wanted you to know because I didn't want what's happening right now to happen but it's happening anyways but it still can never be.

Cat: You didn't want me to know what Jade? What can never be?

Jade: I love you Cat.

Cat: What...?

Jade: But we, us….we can never be and I'm so sorry. We have to talk. I'll be over later I promise.

Cat: Jade….

Jade: Cat don't. Don't. Stop okay? We'll talk later.

Cat: But , but why

Jade: Cat.

Cat: (crying emoticon)

* * *

**Hey guys thanks for reading!**

**So tell me what do you think? Any shocking moments? Did you cry? I did... Pleasseeee PM me your reviews! **

**P.S. my friend said thanks to all the nice comments she's gotten for the chapters she's written :)**


	14. Never Knew I Could Hurt Like This

**Hey guys so a lot of you are asking if this is a Jori or Cade story, it's Jori.**

**Now that that's out of the way I just want to approach the "OMG Jade all of a sudden likes Cat OMG it's sooo crazy! OMG what's this? OMG I hate this story!" **

**It's not easy to get your story adopted then take it back and try to turn it into a actual plot (which she had none of) So yes I stuck a twist in there, what can I say, I like twist... yes it may have been confusing, no Jade and Tori never talked about each other in their POV's because the story was poorly written. (my friend is a Cat addict)**

** In this chapter I tried my hardest to get everything back on track. It was a small challenge but I tried my best...so I hope you guys like this chapter, if you don't and you're still confused...well shit, I'm sorry give me a break guys, I'm trying to do this for you. **

**I hope you enjoy :)**

* * *

Chapter 14

_Never Knew I Could Hurt Like This_

**[Cat's POV]**

A tear escapes my eye as I turn over in my bed and grab onto Mr. Purple to hold him tight. He's snuggly, but he doesn't make me feel any better.

I just…..it's just not fair. I saw this coming. I've seen it coming since Jade started pushing me to the side. But…what is it? What is it that Tori has that I don't? I do everything for Jade, everything and she just….she hates me. I was coming out to apologize before she went home. I heard her car in the driveway so I put on my nice shoes and fixed my hair. I had it all planned out, the things I was going to say to her; just a big apology telling her how I'm sorry for annoying her. I don't mean to. I swear.

I finally get all nice and ready and I go outside with a smile on my face because I knew Jade and I would be friends again, all she needed was my apology, I know it. I'd have her back and then everything will be okay again. These feelings that I have will go away.

I've been thinking, you know about the way Jade makes me feel sometimes and I've come to a conclusion that I feel the way I do because she's not really in my life anymore and I just miss her so, so, so much so when she walks into a room I just want to love her as much as I can because I know she won't be around me again for a while, so this is why I have these feelings. I think? Right? But still…..sometimes…..okay well a lot of the time I just think, you know just to think….what if Jade and I were like…like Beck and Robbie? Beck's so happy with Robbie and vice versa and I was just thinking how it would be for me and Jade. For Jade to hold me the way Beck holds Robbie. For Jade to kiss me and love me the way Beck loves Robbie. We could be just like them. It's not a bad thing is it; for me to feel this way? I just can't stop those feelings. I can't and I just wonder if Jade would ever feel the same way about me? Oh I would give her the world.

Before I even had a chance to step off the porch I saw them. Everything in my body, every feeling that I had, all hope…just…ugh everything went down the drain, it hurt so bad. There's no feeling worse than watching your sister have everything in the world that you want. To have the person you love lip's against someone else's. My heart drowned and without thinking I ran to her car and yanked open Tori's door causing her to fall on the ground.

My heart never hurt so bad, Jade's supposed to me mine. I know it. What happened to her!? We use to be so close! We used to hang out every day! We used to talk on the phone every day! She used to hold me at night! She used to tell me she loves me so much! And then, and then…..it just died! She stopped hanging with me and making me feel those certain ways I've never felt before and she started hanging with Tori Vega even more! My sister! She traded me for my sister! Tori took everything that I had, her and Jade started talking every day! They hung out, they laughed, they cried together, they did everything! And I was nobody to Jade, nobody but an annoying brat is what she called me! But what did I do to lose her? What did I do!?

Where did Tori come from? What did she tell Jade? She had to tell her something about me. It had to be her! What else would make Jade hate me all of a sudden and then like Tori? Tori's never mentioned liking Jade and Jade never mentioned liking Tori but their sitting in her car swallowing each other!? I don't freaking get it! Maybe….maybe they just didn't mention it to _me_. They tried to keep their relationship a secret. Yeah…that's it. But I'm not stupid! I can see right through them! I saw the way they treated each other. I don't even think they knew they liked each other, but apparently they know now! And now….She's gone! I hate Tori! I hate herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

**Knock, Knock, Knock**

"Cat?"

_Ughhh Tori, get the hell away from my door!_

"Go away!" I cried as I turned over in my bed, buiring my face in my pillow.

"Cat….can we please talk?"

"No! Tori leave me alone! I hate you!"

"Cat…it's not what you think. I swear."

"What do you mean it's not what I think!? I saw you two!" I yell at the door.

"I'm coming in."

I growl and turn to face away from her as I hear my door open and then close. "Cat…I'm sorry. I know what you just saw looked really bad, but let me explain."

"There's nothing to explain Tori. Just leave me alone!" I cry keeping my face away from her. There's nothing more that I want to do than punch Tori right in the face right now. She knew my feelings for Jade! I know she knew and she goes and does that! Ughhhhhh.

"Cat I swear to god it meant nothing. I…I don't even know what just happened. It was just….in the moment I guess."

"In the moment!?" I ask in disbelief. "You like her Tori! Just admit you two date!"

I hear a small gasp come from her before I feel the bed sink in and her hand grip my arm flipping me around. "Caterina Valentine! Jade West and I do not date!" She yells in a serious tone as she points to herself.

I sit up fast as I wipe my face. "You like her! I know you do! You guys have to like each other! You stole her from me!"

"I…I what!?" She says in shock as she stands back to her feet. "Firstly I didn't take anyone from you! You two have never dated so what was there to take Cat? Secondly, I don't like Jade I just…" She ran her hand through her hair as she sighs. "I just don't know…I'm trying to figure things out myself. It was so random what happen tonight, it wasn't planned Cat, we don't date. I don't even think we like each other! We've never had that type of conversation and I've never even put thought into that. It's never something I would have thought about if she didn't kiss me tonight. Yeah she flirts with me, but I thought it was for play, for fun! I see Jade as my friend and….but…." She sighs again as she sits back down beside me. "…..I'm not going to lie to you Cat…..it's….maybe….I just…..maybe it's a possibility I have some type of feelings for her but I didn't know that until tonight and I still don't know. We have yet to talk about it and I don't know myself and I just….I'm tired of thinking about it, I'm confused with myself. My mind is everywhere right now and I just don't know anything Cat."

"Get out of my room Tori." I say softly before laying back down and turning back away from her. Tears start to fall from my eyes even more as I hear her apologize and exit my room.

I just want sleep. Everything hurts. I don't want to think about it. Brain, please leave me alone…

* * *

**BMMMMMMMMMM**

I wake up to the vibration of my phone on my night stand. My eyes are hard to open and I can even feel how heavy they are from all the crying last night. I know for sure I have bags that aren't going away anytime soon.

I hate waking up like this. The thoughts never left my mind even in my sleep. I can't get the picture to go away. Please just go away.

**New Text Message**

_**Sender: Jadey**_

I sit up quickly, my heart rate increasing at I fumbled with my phone to open the text.

**Jade: Cat?**

My heart goes from being excited and happy to sadness and enraged. I can't believe she has the nerve to text me NOW! Now she texts me! She never ever texts me anymore! Oooooh is she going to apologize? Does poor Jadey have to explain what she did last night like Tori did! Ughh I don't even want to hear it!

Me: What Jade!? Leave me alone! Please!

Jade: Cat….can we please talk

Ughhhhhh, she's going to say the same mess Tori said last night! She's going to tell me how she _"ooooh fell in love with Tori"_ I don't want to talk! I don't want to hear it! It hurts bad enough already without her speaking! Leave me alone!

Me: NO! I never want to talk to you! Or anyone!

Jade: Cat we have to talk about this.

Me: There's nothing to talk about! Go be with Tori!

Jade: Caterina Hannah Valentine! I'm so sorry!

…_.She's never apologized to me before…but I'm still not buying it!_

Me:…..you're not sorry.

Jade: I am sorry! I don't mean to hurt you Cat! I just…. Cat we have to talk.

Me: About what Jade!? What could you possibly say to me!? That you're in love with Tori!? That you're sorry you're not attracted to me? That I'm too annoying for you!?

Jade: No Cat.

Me: Then what is Jade!?

Jade: There's reasons why I ignore you Cat. There's reasons why I hate you to no end. There's reasons why I'm trying my hardest to fall for someone else and it's taken me so long to realize it, but….I know I can't do this with you Cat, that's why I'm distancing myself from you. It could never happen for different reasons. So I never wanted you to know because I didn't want what's happening right now to happen but it's happening anyways but it still can never be.

_What…what is she talking about!_

Me: You didn't want me to know what Jade? What can never be?

Jade: I love you Cat

My heart starts to race as tears fill my eyes…._Why does she keep playing with my emotions!_

Me:…What?

Jade: But we, us….we can never be. We have to talk. I'll be over later I promise.

_Why…..what is this, I don't understand…._

Me: Jade….

Jade: Cat don't. Don't. Stop okay? We'll talk later.

Me: But , but why

Jade: Cat.

Me: (crying emoticon)

* * *

I didn't look nice this time. I didn't curl my hair. I didn't put on fancy clothes. My mind is racing. My heart is lost. My emotions are spilled everywhere. I can't think. I feel I can't even breathe.

And then she's knocking and I'm letting her in. She looks over me with furrowed brows as I back away and she closes the door behind her. I'm so grateful everyone in the house is still sleeping so we're free of unwanted ears (Trina, Tori). I don't know what she has to say but she's standing here quietly now biting her nails as if she's nervous and I can't take the silence much longer. I need her to explain something; to tell me something.

"Jade."

"Cat I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the way I treat you. I'm sorry for the way I treated you. You….you mean a lot to me Cat and I love you. I do. I've always had, for a long ass time, but I don't admit that to myself. I don't admit that to anyone. It's a thought that I always push aside, one that I never let come to surface under any circumstances. I don't even mention it in my sleep, but it's there. This longing I've always had for you, this weakness. You're the first person to ever push me back in ways I can't explain. When you come around I get butterflies and God I would never admit this. But….the thing is I hate it. That's why I pushed you off Cat. That's why I stopped talking to you, I stopped hanging around you. I didn't want those feelings to get any stronger than what they already were so I treated you like shit and I left and I'm so fucking sorry."

She sighed as she took a seat on the couch and put her hands in her face as I feel my heart drop. "So…does this mean that we can-"

"-No Cat, we can't." She says interrupting me and my heart drops even more.

"B…but, but Jade why?"

"Because….we…I….I can't be with you Cat. I don't know how to say this without hurting your feelings, but I know it still will so I'm sorry but I would never be happy with you Cat. You're almost everything that I fucking hate and I don't even understand how I've fallen for you the way that I have. When you walk in a room I just…. ughhh how can I fucking explain this where you understand?" She sighs again as she starts to pace.

"You are a beautiful girl Cat never let anyone tell you otherwise and you'll make someone so happy someday, I'm just not that person. I can't take care of you. I can hold you when you cry, but I can only do that for so long. I can barely hold myself. You do and will need sooo much more than I can give you not just physically but mentally. No matter what Cat, I'm going to hurt you. You're so sensitive and I can't deal with that, I can't let you be miserable with me and I'm just…I'm not putting you through that."

"I barely even know myself yet and I'm trying to find it, but I keep putting myself on hold. I push all these love feelings aside because I just don't have time for this shit, this shit right here right now! What I'm doing, this conversation, I just don't have time for it. I hate it. You see what happens when I let these feelings take over me! I'm hurting you, I'm probably hurting Tori! I hurt every fucking body and then I have the nerve to wonder why no one gives a shit about me!"

She takes a seat on the couch as she puts her face in her hands.

"…I caught a few passing feelings for Tori and I haven't even given them much thought at all either, but I don't want you hurt if anything ever sparks between Tori and I. Tori….she's not the same as you Cat. And I…I'm not trying to hurt your feelings and please don't take anything the wrong way but Tori just has….something so much….stronger than you have and Cat that's not a bad thing it's just who you are, but it's something that I need in my life. Tori can understand what I tell her she-"

"-I can understand if you just tell me Jade!" I yell as I point to myself with tears in my eyes. _Why does Tori win everything!_

She stands back to her feet as she grabs my hands in hers. "I know Cat….but you…no, you can't. You don't understand a lot of things and where I'm at in life, and the type of person that I am, I need someone who can be stronger. Someone who really understands and Cat, you are a sweet heart, you are the sweetest person I fucking know, and that's why I do love you, but you're so oblivious to the fucking world! And I can't…I can't deal with that! You're in the middle of a got damn pornography studio and get fucking raped as a child and I know for a fact you still have no idea what happened to you as a child. You don't understand even after I've explained it to you a million times. You still ask and that's a problem. When I choose someone I have things I have to explain to them and I just need that upper shoulder when I need it. I need someone with understanding. Someone I don't have to watch after every minute of the day. Someone who's….in this world."

"…I can be an upper shoulder Jade! I am in this world! I'm standing right here!" I cry as I put my face in my hands.

She sighs loudly as she backs away a bit. "…Cat this is the shit I'm talking about. I always have to hold you. Wipe your tears. You are always crying about something! You're so sensitive and it…it makes me feel in certain ways that I cannot deal with. I can't do this forever." She sighs loudly. "I just don't know what other way to say this….and….I've done the best that I could. I can't be with you Cat. We will never work out. I only told you this because I see what you're going through and yes I've called you annoying and a brat to keep you away but I know your feelings and I have to let you know this so you will move on. Stop hanging onto me. I'm so sorry, I am." She turns to leave but I don't let her. I grab onto her tight as my arms go around her body pulling her as close to me as possible.

"Please don't do this to me Jade! Just give me one chance I promise I can be that person you want me to be! I can change for you! I will! I'll make myself not cry anymore and I'll study harder and I'll be so much smarter and-"

"-Cat stop. Please!" She says as she pry's me off of her. I look into her eyes and they are filled with giant tears and my heart melts._ I made her cry._

"..I hate doing this….I swear I fucking do. I don't mean to hurt you Cat, but listen to yourself! You'll change yourself for me!? Don't do that! You're wonderful the way you are! Never change yourself for anybody! Do you hear me!?" She says as she grabs onto my face looking me straight in my eyes.

I just nod and cry as she lets me go and walks towards the door before I run over and grab her arm softly.

She turns to me with teary eyes and I know she's genuine and I know this is hurting her as much as its hurting me.

I softly put my hands to her shoulders and stand on my tip toes placing my lips on hers gently in which she kissed back briefly before she pulls away. "I'm sorry Cat." She says again as she puts hair behind my ear. "Someone is going to make you so happy. I'm sorry I hurt you and I'm sorry I'm hurting you. I have to figure things out. Just…I'll call you when I'm ready okay. Don't….just….wait until I contact you before you contact me okay? You really should be angry with me. Take a break." She says before exiting the house.

I stood there until I heard her footsteps leave the front door and that's when I broke down. I cried harder than I ever have in my entire life even 'causing Tori and Beck to wake up and try to get me to confess why I was downstairs so early in the morning in a crying fit but I don't give them any words. I free myself from their limbs before running up to my room and locking myself in for the rest of the day. I never knew I could hurt like this.

I just wish I could change. I wish I could be stronger. I wish I could be an upper shoulder. I wish I could be smarter. I wish I knew the things I don't. I wish I could understand. I wish I was Tori Vega.

_I just wish I was Tori Vega…._

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**Sooooo did you like it!? Are you still confused!? Any favorite parts? Least favorite parts? feelings?**

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	15. Coming Over

Chapter 15

_Coming Over _

**[Tori's POV]**

I lay in my bed with my eyes closed still trying to get some type of sleep. I haven't been able to sleep at all last night, or for the last 3 days for that matter, my mind got the best of me. It just won't stop running. It won't stop thinking about it, about her, about what we did. Did we really do it? Maybe that was a dream? Maybe I did fall to sleep and that was just a dream? But then it brings me to the question as to why I was dreaming about her in the first place.

I sigh as I turn over.

Okay I know good and well it wasn't a dream, but I wish it was because now I'm just lost and confused. Why did Jade kiss me? Why did I kiss her back? And most of all, why did I like it?

I've never thought in a million years that….that this would happen. I mean, I never thought about it period. It was out of nowhere, literally, out of nowhere! But it felt so right, so good. I liked it, maybe…maybe even loved it. The feeling that took over me when her lips met mine, the shivers that went down my spine when our tongues met for the first time, the race my heart was running as her had slipped up my skirt, oh god I almost fainted.

The sun shining through the windows of my room seems to shine brighter than ever as I throw my covers over my eyes to shield them from the burning rays. I hate the feelings that are taking over my body because I can't explain them. I've never felt this way before and it's nothing that can be put to name. I just want the feeling to go away.

Keeping my face under my covers, my hand reaches out to my nightstand opening the small drawer quickly. My hand dives in and pulls out a small box cutter I keep for _"Robbers"._ Latching my hand around the cold metal object, I bring it back into the shadows of my covers before sliding up the handle of the cutter until the head of the blaze peaked out. That's all I need to see before it's slicing across my side where my shirt is rising up. I've never cut my stomach before and oh god it feels soooo, sooo gooood. "Mmmmmmmmm" I moan as I make another clean cut right across my stomach not worried about the consequences of tomorrow.

I throw my covers off so I can watch the my next cut as I slide it down my thigh. Blood is oozing everywhere and I know I'm going to have a heck of a time trying to clean it up which makes me finally stop, but the pleasure is still there. I let my hands roam my body spreading my blood over every inch as I grind my hips in the air. Another moan escapes my lips as one hand finds its way to my center and the other pinching my nipple through my shirt as I start to grind on my own hand letting my index finger rub my clit through my bottom clothing. "Mmmm yessssss." I start to rub harder as my hips move faster, my back arching, my climax approaching. My mind slips to last night. Jade, her eyes, her hands, her lips, her body, her kisses, her…."Mmm..ohhhhh Jaaadeeeeeeeeee ahhhhhhh!" I nearly scream as my orgasm rips through me slipping me in two .

It wasn't until I came back to earth that I realized what I've just done. I don't have to see it to know my face is redder than Cat's hair. Guilt takes over me so quick that I sit up yank the rest of my covers off and head toward the bathroom for a shower.

It's been almost 3 days since our car….episode….and we still haven't spoken about it what-so-ever. Even when we do see each other it's like it never happened. Or at least that's how she acts.

Cat hates me. She absolutely hates me right now. She does everything she can to avoid me. She even walked to school the other day so she wouldn't have to be in the same car as me. Do you know how far a walk it is to school? She doesn't just avoid me either, she also avoids Jade. Even though Jade and I don't talk about much of anything, we now sit together in class. We sit together at lunch. We walk with each other in the halls, we….we do a lot of stuff that…that we didn't used to do….and wow I'm just now realizing that.

Cat turned into this person no one knows. She doesn't talk to anyone but Andre, and that's because Andre forced her to talk to him. Andre told us she said she just wants time alone to think and that's all she would tell him. I mean….I do, I really, really do feel so…bad, guilty, selfish for what I did. I don't know how it feels to really like someone and chase them forever and then see your sister having a make out session with them…in you front yard! That has to be a real stab to the heart.

I swear I've tried. I've done so many things to try to get her to understand that I didn't mean to hurt her and that I'm truly sorry. She just nodded at my last apology and kept walking. I'm just so sorry. I am.

Finally showered and sheets in the wash I stand looking at myself in the mirror. "Just…go talk to her Tori. It's killing you." I say to myself as I nod.

I can't take any more of this confusion, this tension every time Jade walks in a room. We have to talk and I see she's not trying to make the first move so I will. I mean, this can't be avoided forever. She can't pretend like it never happened.

I sigh as I flop down on the side of my bed.

Or maybe that's what she's trying to do. Forget it ever happened. Maybe she regrets it? Maybe it actually _was_ just in the heat of the moment. Maybe she's just one of those types that like to make out just for fun. But…it felt like more than just a make out…she…she touched me and she told me we could take it inside….was she really…were we really? _Ughhhh._

I can't take this anymore. I have to talk to her and I have to talk to her now.

**Compose New Text: Jade, I'm coming over, we have to talk.**

_**Message Sent**_

I stand as I glance out of my window to see her car is in her driveway next door confirming that she was at home.

I take a nervous sigh as I fix my hair in my mirror and exit my room.

"No, stop you're going to set something on fire."

"I'm not looky here. According to my pear pad you turn the oven to exactly…hey, hey give it back!"

"I'm going to break this." Beck said as he held up Robbie's pear pad with his fist to it.

"Nooooo stop! My mother bought me that for Christmas!"

"Torriii! Tell him to give it back!"

I roll my eyes at the pair as I walk into the kitchen. "Give it back." I say absent mindedly as I reach into the fridge for a water.

"Hey Tori you alright?" I hear Beck ask as I turn to him, Robbie snatching away his pear pad at the chance.

I just nod as I open my water and take a big gulp. "I'm going over to Jade's. I'll see you later."

"Okay, see you."

I hear them play fighting about the oven and pear pad again as I open the front door and almost have the biggest heart attack known demand as I drop my water to my feet.

"…Cat?" I say as she stood right in front of the door. She stood with her head straight ahead but her eyes looking up at me with an evil mug.

"Tori." She says as she pushes pass me and into the house. I turn just in time to see her jogging up the stairs glancing at me only once and it wasn't a pretty glance…more like a glare.

I sigh as I bend down and retrieve my water before exiting my house.

_Alright Tori…don't come over here making a fool of yourself. Just causally ask her, her thoughts on the other night and see where it goes. No need to be nervous…it's just Jade. Chill Tori. _

I nod to myself again as I reach her front door giving the doorbell a ring and the door two knocks.

The door doesn't take long to open as her step dad opens the door with an aggravated look on his face that instantly disappears once he sees me. "Well hello Ms. Tori. What can I do for you?" He asks as he leans against the door frame.

"Hi Ron. Is Jade here?"

He looks back into the house before turning back to me as he sucked his teeth. "Uh…yeah, she's here. C'mon in."

I smile as he stands out of the way letting me in and then closing the door behind me. "Yeah…she's up in her room." He points before putting his hands in his pocket with a smirk.

I nod and thank him as I jog up the stairs to her room, my heart beating faster and faster. Why the heck I'm so nervous just to talk to her I don't know. I mean...it's not that big of a deal right? It was just a kiss…_ughhh a kiss that's taking toll on my freaking life!_

**RING, RING, RING**

I hear my phone going off just as I approach her room. Reaching into my pocket I pull it out as I call out her name with a knock on her door.

"Hello?" I answer my phone.

"Hey Vegas, I'm out. We can talk later."

"C'mon I'm outside your room, open up."

"…I'm not home."

I turn the knob of her door and walk into her room to see it completely empty.

"Ugh really? Your step dad just told me you were up here. What a joke. I'll see-"

"-Are you really in my house!?"

I roll my eyes at her sudden outburst. She always makes a big deal if we go over and she's not here. I guess she thinks we'll go through all her stuff….which is not a bad idea….I wonder what things she's hiding…

"Yeah. I can just wait-"

"-GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!"

"Jade calm down I'm not going to touch anyth-"

"-Tori! Get out of there!" She screams which actually had me worried this time around.

"Okay, okay, I'll-" I stop mid-sentence as I hear her room door close causing me to spin around quickly just in time to see Ron lock it.

"Tori!?"

He reached out his hand snatching my phone away and throwing it against the wall causing it to come apart hanging up my only life line.

My heart started beating out of control as I backed away slowly before running into the side of her bed making me fall onto it. "..R..Ron, you're scaring me."

He gives a small chuckle. "Don't be scared. I'm not going to hurt you." He says before coming toward me and sitting down beside me.

I start to pant as his hand goes to my hair putting it behind my ear as tears fills my eyes. "Just be good and everything will be fine." He whispers before he forcefully put his hand over my mouth and pushes me back onto the bed as his body drops onto mine.

* * *

**Thanks for reading guys. This one was a short one! **

**What are your thoughts? You think Tori will be saved in time? How about Cat? She's pretty scary right? **

**Review ;)**


	16. If I Had of…

Chapter 16

_If I Had of…_

**[Jade's POV]**

"I'll have an iced vanilla coffee." Andre says before turning to me with lifted brows.

"..Ah…oh I'll take a regular coffee." I say as I cross my hands in front of me.

"$5.95" The cashier speaks with a heavy accent before taking Andre's money and telling us to walk down to the next counter to pick up our orders which were surprisingly already waiting on us when we arrived.

Andre grabs my cup and hands it to me before reaching over and grabbing two sugars with another lifted brow. "Two sugars right?"

I side smile as I snatch them away from him. "You're a real friend." I tease as he chuckles to himself and follows me to an empty table in the corner of the old coffee shop.

I take a small sip of the hot beverage as a small shiver takes over me from its taste and feel sliding down my throat.

"You really love coffee don't you?"

"Oh, you don't know me. I'd marry coffee. I mean….have kids with it." I say as I take another sip causing Andre to chuckle again.

"That'll be some pretty kids Jade."

"Are you sassing me?"

"No."

I take another sip before sucking my gums and crossing my arms on the table.

Andre's been so nice to me since he found me the other night in the weakened crying fit that I was in. He's even told me I can crash with him as long as I need to and I have to say it's a big deal that he's doing this for me…I mean….who else would? His parents didn't seem to mind a bit, and even told me I could stay in their guest room.

I really love Andre's parents. They are so nice and sweet. I think he's the only friend I have with the perfect TV family. The mom who works little that cooks and cleans. The father who works hard and brings in the money for bills. That son (Andre) who's talented and friendly, always there for his family. And that little sister who can be a brat, but also so loving at the same time.

It's just stuff I never thought was real, that kind of family. It's…it's TV stuff and 99% of stuff you see on TV is fake, but him…his family. It's so real. It proves to me that there is a such thing as a loving family. I just wasn't lucky enough to be born into one. Do I really care? I mean no. It's not that serious I guess. I've learned to deal with the family that I have…or that I don't have.

"So when will you open up to me?"

I slightly start to choke on the sip of coffee I was taking before clearing my throat and asking what he meant.

Andre won't give it up. I know what he means, and he knows I know what he means, but I keep telling him I'm fine. I don't need to open up to anyone and I won't explain why again.

"Andre.."

"Really Jade you can at least tell me what happened with you the other morning? You had me rush over to Cat and Tori's house to pick you up at nearly 5am that day. I didn't even know you had left my house. I come over and you're in their front yard in a crying fit. What happened? Please tell me Jade. I just want to help you?"

"…Psh…Andre, even if I told you, it has nothing to do with you and you probably will even be mad at me since you care about your precious Cat so much." I roll my eyes taking gulp from my coffee.

"Excuse me? Cat's my friend. Of course I care about her feelings and how she's doing. All she'll say to me is that she needs time. Time for what Jade? And yeah I'll be mad if you hurt her intentionally. She's always crying to me saying how you keep hurting her. I don't understand how someone could hurt someone like Cat. She's so sweet and helpless Jade. Why do you treat her the way you do? And I mean seriously answer the question this time. Tell me what happened that morning. What did you do to her?" Andre asks me with so much concern in his eyes.

He's always had this soft spot for Cat. Nobody can even touch the damn girl without him coming right behind to kill them. But either way there's not too many ways around telling him. He is letting me stay at his place, I guess the least I could do is give him the truth about Cat right? It's over and done anyways.

**New Text Message**

_**Sender: Vegas **_

I glance at my phone but push it aside. "Before you say anything, it's over now. We've already talked about it." I say before turning away from him to look at the table. "….So long story short Andre, for the longest time I've had this stupid thing for Cat and by thing I mean crush like, love type of thing. I hated it so I hated her. I blamed Cat, I treated her bad because I know I couldn't be with her even if I wanted because Andre you know we wouldn't work out, don't ask questions, you know we are completely opposite. Anyways…I went to her house that morning to talk to her about it. Cat's had this stupid love thing for me as well and I kind of just broke her heart because I had to explain that we'll never be. The end." I say absent mindedly as I look back up at him purposely leaving out the whole kiss scene Cat caught with Tori and I.

He wore an expression on his face that I couldn't explain if my life deepened on it before he just shook his head. "Cat's gay?"

I threw my hands up and let them fall. I would have thought out of that whole conversation he would have picked up better things to say. But at least he's not asking heart felt questions making me feel worse than I already feel, so I'll take it.

"I would think so, or maybe not. Maybe she's just gay for me." I shrug.

"….you're gay too?"

"Andre!"

He shook his head and waved it off. "Okay besides the point, right. But…wow. Didn't know this." He crosses his hands on the table as if he were thinking of what to say. "…Do you still have feelings for her."

I shake my head. "Not as much as I used to."

"…Who do you like?"

This is when I bite m bottom lip. I don't know who the hell I like. Or I try not to think about who I like….or might be liking…or…developing likes for.

He doesn't need to know anything about me and Tori. It's when you say shit that's not really happening that rumors start. I don't need "Jade & Vegas" written all over my locker when school starts back after fall break. Lies spread fast, you only have to tell one person and its out there. I don't even know anything myself. We haven't spoken about it since even though we still hang out at school. It's like it never happened.

I didn't mean to kiss her…I don't think? I mean….it was dark…I was horny…she was there and…she was, pretty, beautiful even. I've never felt that way around her before. I wanted her and I mean I _wanted_ her. I don't know if it was just that moment…or if it was something else, but now, today when I think about her, I want to smile. I almost blush at the thoughts of the other night. It wasn't planned, I swear. It just happened. And maybe it happened because it was meant to be?

_Ughh what am I thinking? Vegas and I? Never….or…maybe…ahhhhhh I hate thinking about this! Stop!_

"Jade!"

I jump from my thoughts as my eyes wonder back to Andre. "I…I don't like anybody."

**New Text Message**

_**Sender: Cat**_

My phone vibrates again as I reach over to grab it remembering Vegas had texted me. Oh god I hope it's not about the other night. I don't think I'm ready to talk about it… maybe she forgot about it? _Psh yeah right._

**Tori: Jade, I'm coming over, we have to talk.**

**Cat: Jade, can we talk please? I've been waiting for a long time and you still haven't contacted me. I couldn't wait any longer, I'm sorry, please don't be mad.**

I sigh loudly as I roll my eyes planning on ignoring them both before Tori's text caught my eye. _**"I'm coming over"**_

Shit.

**Calling "Vegas"**

Vegas: "Hello?"

Me: "Hey Vegas, I'm out. We can talk later."

Vegas: "C'mon I'm outside your room, open up."

My heart rate starts to slowly increase.

Me: "…I'm not home."

Vegas: "Ugh really? Your step dad just told me you were up here. What a joke. I'll see-"

Me: "-Are you really in my house!?"

I yell before standing up with Andre asking me what's going on while he stands as well.

Vegas: "Yeah. I can just wait-"

Me: "-GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!"

Vegas: "Jade calm down I'm not going to touch anyth-"

Me: "-Tori! Get out of there!"

Vegas: "Okay, okay, I'll-"

I hear a loud crashing sound before everything went silent.

Me: Toriii!?

"What the hell is going on!?" Andre demands to know this time as he stands right in front of me, but I take no time to explain.

My hearts beats out of control as I grab Andre's arm and start to run from the shop to his car with him asking over and over again what's happening.

"Toriii! She's at my house!" I yell in tears because I know…I know what's happening. I know it.

"Okay?" He asked confusedly as he unlocks his doors letting us both inside.

"Andre I can't explain right now! We have to go! We have to go now!" I scream as he grabs my arms trying to calm me down.

"Andre! STOP IT! LISTEN TO ME! WE HAVE TO GO!" I scream as I free myself from him, grab his keys, and start the car for him. "Drive!"

This time he doesn't ask twice as he puts the car in drive and speeds from the parking lot to my house which wasn't close at all. I curse myself for talking Andre into to "getting away" taking us to a coffee shop a good 45 minutes from our neighborhood.

I call her phone over and over again, it going to voice mail every time before I make the decision. The one decision I know will change my life for good. The one decision that I've been against all my life because I've been too selfish to myself to ever let anyone in; to ever get the help that I know deep down that I need, but it's not me. I put someone else's life in danger because I didn't put a stop to this 7 years ago and now I have to do it. I have to do it because I have to save her.

Tears fall from my eyes like waterfalls as I dial the life changing number.

**RING**

"-911 do you have an emergency?"

* * *

The 45 minute ride seemed like hours as Andre sped as fast as he could to my house without bothering to ask anymore questions. I cried the entire time praying somehow that this wasn't happening. That she got out of my house safely and accidentally dropped her phone or something, anything other than what could be happening. Anything.

We finally pull onto my street and I can already hear it. The sirens, I see them as we pull closer and closer until he's pulling into my driveway. I didn't even give him a chance to come to a complete stop before I'm jumping from his car and over to the first policewoman I see with tears clogging my vision.

"Ma'am…ma'am."

"This is my house! I called! Where's Tori!? Is Tori okay!" I scream at her as she grabs my arms. I'm looking everywhere but her trying to find Tori.

"Are you Ms. West?"

"Yes! Where is Tori!?"

"Ma'am please calm down, I know you're upset right now she's-

"-Where is she!?"

"Ms. West listen. She's just been taken to the nearest hospital. I need you confirm this man as Ronald Carson before we take you down to the police station for questioning." She says as she steps aside from her police car.

In the back seat in hand cuffs sits Ron with his head smashed into the seat in front of him before he turns his glare to me.

"What did you do to her!? You fucking monster! I hope you rot in hell! What did you do!?" I scream and cry as I smack the car window spitting on it as the officer pulls me away.

"Is your mother home?"

"She's dead!" I yell. "What did he do to her!?"

"Is he your legal guardian?"

"What the fuck did he do to her!? You answer me damn it!" I stomp as hard as I could on the ground as I stare hard into her eyes. I don't need a mirror to know my face is blood shot, my nose is runny and my eyes are beginning to puff.

"Ma'am I'm not allowed to release any information at this tim-"

"Hell you can't! I FUCKING CALLED YOU! YOU TELL ME WHAT THE HELL HE DID TO HER!"

I then feel strong arms wrap around me from behind and start to pull me back. "Jade. Calm down okay." I hear the soothing voice of Andre but I'm not going to calm down. Just tell me!

"Did he rape her?" I ask as more tears fall from my eyes and I go limp in Andre's arms.

She took a moment as she sighs looks around and then back at me. She gives a small nod. "..It appears so, yes."

That's all I hear before I lose my balance letting Andre catch me before I fall hard to the ground. My cries are so hard that they hurt. My body hurts, everything hurts. This is all my fault. All my fault.

I remove myself from Andre before I throw up on the ground beside me feeling sick to my stomach.

_How could he do this to her!? To her!? She…this….it's my fault! If I had of told, this wouldn't have happened! I let this happen to her! To Tori! She's didn't deserve this! _

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" I scream as I stand to my feet again pushing Andre and the police lady out of my way as I grab the handle of the car door, yank it open, and throw as many punches as I can to Ron's face before three other police come and pull me off.

Never in my life could I have been able to do that. He's ten times bigger, ten times stronger, he would have killed me. But now he's restrained. He can't hit back. "How does it feel!?" I cry as they slam the car door back putting hand cuffs on me as well.

"Hey! She didn't do anything!" Andre yells out.

"She needs to calm down." A new policeman says as he takes me to the back of his own car and locks me in, but I don't care. I just cry.

Being raped isn't something that happens and after a while you get over it. It's something that messes up your entire life. You don't forget it ever happened, it's always there no matter what. And I messed it up. Tori's life. The way she's going to think, the way she's going to trust, the way she's going to dream, the way she's going to feel. I fucked it up. She's never going to be the same and it's my fault! Every time she closes her eyes at night she's going to see it. See him. Feel him. Fear him. And….it's. All. My. Fault.

"We're taking you to the police station." A police said as he gets into the driver's seat but I could care less about what happens to me at this time. If I die, I get beat with sticks, if I get shipped to China. I don't care. I deserve all the pain in the world. I wish I could take it all back. If I had of never kissed her, she never would have needed to talk. If I had of called the police when I was little, he wouldn't have been there to do it. If I hadn't of been such a sissy and stayed at home, I would have been here.

If I had of

If I had of

If I had of…

But I didn't.

* * *

**Thanks for reading guys!**

**What are your thoughts? Do you think Tori will be okay? Do you think it's Jade's fault? How do you think Cat will feel when she finds out?**

**Review ;) **


	17. The Stupid One

Chapter 17

_The Stupid One_

**[Cat's POV]**

_I hate you Tori _are my last thoughts as I glare at her from the stairs but continue my way to my room.

Ughhh! I'm just so, so angry! So upset! So hurt! I've never felt like this before, I want the feeling to go away! You don't understand what it feels like to want something for so, so long, then have it right at your feet to be taken away again! I was so close! So, so close to having her! I just…I can't. I can't get over it! My heart won't let go! I've been trying so, so, so hard!

I just need to talk to her. Maybe I can change her mind? I can. I understand, I do, I promise I do. Why does she think I don't?

**Compose New Text**

**Send To: **_**Jadey**_

**Jade, can we talk please? I've been waiting for a long time and you still haven't contacted me. I couldn't wait any longer, I'm sorry, please don't be mad.**

_**Message Sent**_

I stare at my phone knowing for a fact she's not going to text back. Knowing she'll be even madder at me for texting her first, but I just can't help it. I…I don't what's wrong with me!? Why can't I get over this!? Get over her!?

"Ahhhhhh" I scream as I take my arms and knock everything off my dresser. I turn to my computer desk doing the same before running over to my closet and pulling all my clothes off the hangers and throwing my shoes around my room.

There's just so much anger that's been building in me since she came over that morning and I don't know how to let it loose. It's hurting more and more every day and the more I throw the tiny bit of anger is let loose and the tiny bit of release is setting in. I would have kept throwing and kept tearing up all day if I hadn't of felt the strong hands of my brother grab my arms and stop me. I didn't even hear him come in.

"Cat, what are you doing?"

I turn to him with tears spilling from my eyes before he just wraps his arms around me and holds me close. "I'd wish you tell me what's going on with you. You and Tori. Something is up with you two and neither one of you will talk to me. Why?" He asks as he pulls me from him so he can look into my eyes. His hands go to my face and start to wipe my tears away. "Talk to me Love?"

I sigh as I glance over at Robbie who stands in my door way with his oversized pear pad with concern all over his face. I guess Beck saw me look because he immediately told Robbie to wait for him downstairs in which Robbie nods and exits my doorway.

"What's going on?" Beck asks as he turns back to me with a lifted brow. But it's not his usual soft and calm _"what's going on" _it's now more firm and serious. Demanding almost and I have no choice, no getting around it anymore.

I sigh as I take a seat on my computer desk chair as he leans up against my wall. "It's just….Jade, and…and Tori…"

"What about them?"

I shrug. "I…I guess I've had this thing for Jade….a really big thing, but…she likes Tori better than me and I think Tori likes her too." I say as I turn away as new tears fill my eyes.

"Ohhhhhh, it's a relationship thing." I just nod and sniff as I wipe my face on my shirt.

"Well have you talked to Jade about it?"

"Yes Beck. She…she tried to explain why she couldn't be with me and why Tori is better."

"Which was?"

I shake my head. "I don't want to repeat it Beck."

He nods in understanding as he stands from the wall and walks closer to me. He gets down on his knees so that now he's looking up at me as he grabs both my hands in his. "Listen Cat, don't worry about them. I know you might have some feelings for this Jade chick, but maybe she's just not the one for you. There are plenty of beautiful men and women out there who'd love to have someone like you. You are so special Cat. Jade's just too blind to see what a wonderful person you are. Anybody who'd give up a chance to be with you is a complete idiot. Not to talk about your friend, but it's true. You'll find the perfect somebody out there for you one day. Stop wasting your time on this non-sense. You're way to valuable and special for that. Wipe your eyes, grab your smile, put your head up and move on and you'll find that special somebody who'll love you unconditionally Cat. You're beautiful Love." He leans down and kisses my hand before standing back to his feet and leaning in to kiss my head. "Don't stress about this anymore. I hate it when you cry Cat, it does things to me. It's going to be okay. I'm always here if you need to talk. Smile." He points at my lips but I just sigh and give a small one.

"Naaaaaa, smile." He says more firmly and this time a real smile does spread across my face and I don't know where it came from but he found it for me and I'm glad he did because I had lost my smile weeks ago.

"See there you go."

**WOOOO, WOOOO, WOOOO,**

Beck and I both run over to my window to see two police cars speeding into Jade's driveway.

"Oh no." I say as I grab Becks hand and speed out of my room, down the stairs and next door.

I watch as two police kick down Jade's door and rush inside while the other two stayed outside, one running to the back, the other staying in the front.

"506 We need an ambulance." I hear on the cop's walkie as another police car speeds down the street and that's when my heart started to beat fast. Ron must be hurt because Jade isn't even home.

_Oh I hope he's okay, Jade will be so upset._

Robbie who joined us in the front yard stood beside Beck and I as we watch in shock all the police running over the yard saying things into their walkies, while an ambulance speeds down the street.

"Victim, female around 16 years of age." I hear another walkie go off and that's when my heart dropped.

_Jade!_

Without hesitation I run over into her yard as Beck hollers for me to come back, but I can't come back. I think….what if Jade's hurt! Oh my god what if…

My thoughts stop immediately as I watch a cop walk from the front door with Tori laid out in his arms. She wore an extra large jacket that I know didn't belong to her at all. Her face is turned away into the cops chest as he walks past me with her while another police is asking me if I am Jade West.

A delayed scream shatters out of me as I ignore the nice cop and run over to where they were putting Tori on a stretcher. Her body is limp and her eyes are closed, but I know she's awake by the way her face expression keeps changing around like she doesn't know how to feel.

"Toriii!" I scream and her eyes fly open and look over to me and it scares me, her eyes. I've never seen them like that. So….scared. Hurt.

"Ms.? Are you Ms. West?"

"Noo! I'm Ms. Valentine! She's my sister! What happened? Is she okay? Did she get hurt? Who hurt her? Is she going to-"

"-Ms. Valentine we have to get her to a hospital, will you please step aside?" A paramedic says to me after they put her into the back of the truck and tried to close the door but couldn't since I stand in their way.

I felt my arm being pulled, pulling me from their way as they slam the doors and speed off. "Beckk!" I scream in tears as he just nods.

"I know, I'm getting mom! We have to go!"

* * *

"**You have reached the voice mailbox of Jade We-"**

**CLICK**

I sigh as I wipe tears from my eyes again. Sitting in the corner of the waiting room, I feel as if all the air has been sucked out of the room.

I know nothing. Nobody will tell me anything. The doctors came in once, they said Tori's being evaluated because she's been sexually assaulted. I asked and asked what that meant but no one will explain anything to me. They just keep saying it means that she's sick, or that's what mom keeps saying.

I've never seen my mom so broken before, well…I barely see her at all, but when I do she's not this broken, down yes, but broken no and it scares me. Everyone knows something that I don't and they won't tell me! This is why I'm…I'm stupid. Because no one tells me anything! They never take the time to explain anything to me. Even Beck shook his head at me when I asked him. I'm not 5 years old! I want answers! I want to know exactly what happened to my sister! I want to know if she'll be okay!

Ughhh this is my fault! I wished this on her. I wished something bad would happen to her so I could have Jade to myself. How selfish of me! I love Tori! I do! I really do! I didn't mean any of it. I didn't mean to wish her away, or hurt, or anything! I love her so much…I'm so sorry Tori!

"Where is she!?" I hear the door of the waiting room burst open to Jade, Andre and a police officer and without thinking I immediately run over to Jade and wrap my arms around her in a tight hug which she returned briefly before pulling me off of her, but she returned it.

"She's still being evaluated." Beck says calmly to Jade as she slaps a wall. That's when I took time to study her face. Her eyes are all red and puffy and her nose red as well which means she's even been crying.

"Andre." I whisper to him as he walks over to me and gives me a tight hug.

"Yeah Little Red? It's going to be okay, I know it's hard for you. It has to bring back bad memories."

I pull away from him slightly and just shake my head. "Andre…I don't know what's going on. I don't really….get what happened to Tori and no one will explain it to me." I whisper back.

He gives a low sigh as he puts my hair behind my ear and kisses me softly on my head. "Maybe it's better that way."

"Andre please tell me."

He grabs my hand gently and pulls me into the hallway. "Cat, I don't want to bring up past memories by trying to explain this to you. I think-"

"-I don't care Andre! She's my sister and I deserve to know what happened to her!" I say on the verge of new tears._ Why does everyone treat me this way!?_

"Okay, okay calm down." He says as he reaches over and wipes my tears. "She was ra- sexually assaulted."

"I don't know what that means!" I say frustratingly.

"It means she was raped Cat." He says as he steps back a little. "Ron raped her."

Rape….that word. It's that word that followed me all my life.

"You…you were raped when you were younger Cat. Remember what that man did to you? Ron did the same thing to Tori."

I close my eyes and at the instant moment I did my mind flooded with his face. His hands, his…his everything! I quickly open them with tears in my eyes. I don't think about that day! I never do! It's over! Mom told me I never had to think of it again! Now it's here, it's fresh in my mind and..and….oh god Ron…Mr. Ron? He…He did…he hurt Tori that…that same way?

I start to cry as Andre steps back to me and wraps his arms around me tight. "I'm so sorry this is happening." He says with his own voice cracking.

Then Ron's a…a _rapist_ is what my mother called Mike. I used to ask her why he did those things to me and why the police said he's done it before. She told me those people are born that way and that they are like that their whole lives. Like being born a singer, you can be born a rapist. And Jade's been with him for a long time which means…...

"Andre!" I scream which makes him jump slightly and pull away from me.

"What is it?"

"If Ron did this to Tori, he must have did it to….to…." I didn't even have to finish before he slowly nods his head. "She admitted everything to the police."

A new kind of hurt took over me. I don't know what to call it, but it's a mixture of pain, anger and sadness. "Well why didn't she ever tell anybody!? She could have stopped this from happening!" I yell as I stomp my foot.

"I did fucking tell somebody!" I jump as I hear the voice that belongs to Jade as she stomps across the hall to where Andre and I stand.

She roughly pushes Andre out of the way so she can stand directly in front of me as she points a finger. "This is why I fucking hate you Cat! You're so got damn oblivious! It makes me so damn sick! I told you! I told YOU!" She points before she balls her hand in a fist and looks up to stop tears from falling from her eyes.

"I remember the night Cat." She speaks through gritted teeth as she brings her puffy eyes back to glare into mine. "We were at a sleepover. I trusted you…I don't know why….but you were my best friend. I told you I have a secret to tell you. And I told you Ron touches me here." She took one of her hands and touched one of my boobs. "And here." She said reaching her hand down to briefly touch my….privates. "I told you he was a bad man Cat, and that he shouldn't be doing what he was doing to me because it was wrong. But you turned it back on me, saying "maybe he wanted you to feel good" or some bullshit! And I don't know why….I don't know why I fucking thought you would somehow save me from him. I told you not to tell, but deep down I thought you still would and I thought I would be saved from him. But you didn't. I couldn't tell, he threatened to kill US! So I put my guards down…and I put my hope in you." She says points to my chest hard as tears fall from her eyes. "But you did nothing because you're so DAMN STUPID!"

"Jade!" Andre yells out but she ignores him.

"You keep asking why I don't want to be with you and I sugar coated it as much as I could! I don't want to be with you because you're a complete IDIOT!" She screamed as she started to cry so hard that her voice was silent before she let out a loud scream causing onlookers in the hallway.

I look down as I reminisce on that night. And…she did….she did tell me, but I didn't understand at that time. That was even before Mike. I didn't know anything. I didn't, I swear. But…she still could have called the police! She can't be blaming this one me!

"….You can't blame this on me Jade! You could have called the police if you wanted to! It's not my fault that you didn't! Maybe you're the stupid one!" I say before I even think the words.

And in that split second that I glance up to see her expression and to apologize, I see her fist coming at full force but it was too late to react. Her fist came in contact with my eye making me stumble back and hit the wall behind me as I yell in out in pure pain.

With one eye covered, I watch as Andre grabs the wrist Jade punched me with, twist it hard and throw her against the wall at full force.

"You wanna punch somebody Jade!? Punch me! I fuckin' dare you! Punch me and see what the hell happens! C'mon!" He says as he puts his arms on either side of Jade against the wall so she was trapped. "What? You scared? Not so tough now are you!?" He screams literally in her face as she tries to look away.

I watch as Jade uses her fore arms against Andre's chest to push him off but he doesn't budge showing her she isn't a match for him before he voluntarily let her go.

"You've lost your got damn mind Jade! I can't believe you right now!" He yells as she looks at me before she burst out crying and runs away. I was about to chase her until I felt Andre grab ahold of me. "Don't you dare!"

He immediately calms himself as he pulls me closer. "Let me see." He says as he tugs on my hand that's covering my eye. I let him remove it and I know it's already bad just by the fact that I can barely open it.

He growls under his breath before gently kissing me on my sore eye. "I'm so sorry Cat. I'm so, so sorry."

I just let my head fall onto Andre's chest and start to sob for the 100th time today.

_This has to be the third worst day of my life….._

* * *

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**WowJade's losing it right? Where do you think she's run off to? How do you feel about Cat's comment towards Jade and the way she reacted?**

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	18. Nothing's Impossible

Chapter 18

_Nothing's Impossible_

**[Tori's POV]**

"Tori, I know this isn't very convenient for you at this time, but it's very important that we get this information from you as quickly as possible. Can you tell me exactly what happened this evening?"

I'm sitting up in my hospital bed with my legs to my chest and my face hidden behind them as I hear a man's voice speaking to me, but I can't make out what he's saying. I can't make out what anyone is saying right now. My mind just isn't here.

"She won't talk. This is useless."

"Well if you give her some time and stop breathing down her damn throat she will give you the information you need when she is ready. I'm not going to sit here and let you beg my patient into talking about a very sensitive subject that just took place less than two hours ago. She's not going anywhere Officer Haden. You will get your information when the time is right. So may I please ask you to leave?"

I hear a heavy sigh before a heavy but soft hand falls onto my back. "Ms. Vega, we'll meet up later in the week. I'm sorry this has happened to you. We will do everything we can to bring justice to you. Blessings to you." With that the hand was gone.

"Some people right?" I make out the soft sweet voice a woman, but I refuse to look up. I just want to disappear; to get lost and never be found; to never come back.

I can't the explain the fear that's taken over my body. I can't stop shaking. I can't stop thinking about it. It won't go away. Even with my eyes squeezed as tight as they can go, I can still see it. Tears fall down my face slowly and onto my legs. They won't stop, no matter how strong I'm trying to be about this, it's not easy.

The feeling.

I can still feel it. The pain. It's worse than being beat with a bat, shot in the face, struck by lightning, kicked in the throat, and run over by a truck all at the same time. It's …it's not even just the physical pain. It hurts somewhere deep down inside. A place that's never hurt before. A place that I didn't even know existed. It's full of indescribable pain and there's nothing that I can do to make it go away.

"Tori sweetheart." I hear the soft voice again. "I'm so sorry baby. Can you look at me?"

I make out her question after a moment of thought and I just…I don't want to look. I don't want to look at anything. I want my eyes to stay closed. The darkness. I like it. It's like I can just get lost in it. It's my own little world where I am. Opening my eyes just gives me conformation that I'm still of this earth. I don't want to be. I hurt. Please lose me.

"I know it's hard for you sweetie, trust me I know. How about I tell you a little about myself? Will that bring out those beautiful eyes of yours? I don't even know what color they are." She says as I feel the bed sink in and her presence beside me.

"Well, my name is Katelyn Dolans and I love to dance and goof off most of the time. I'm 27 years old and I have a husband and a beautiful son. I love kids and teens and that's why I work as a children and teen psychiatrist also helping with patients in mental ward."

I feel her hand slide to my hair and put some behind my ear. "Do you know why I'm here with you Tori?" She asks softly as she just pets my hair.

There's only a few words that I had caught onto that has my heart rate at speed. The words "psychiatrist" and "mental ward".

I wrap my arms tighter around my legs as more tears escape my eyes.

Now they think I'm going to be crazy. They are going to put me in the nut house because I won't talk, because I won't look. They're going to think I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life. That I'm scarred….and maybe I am, but…I'm not crazy. I'm not. All I need is some time. I swear I can get over it. They didn't even give me a chance to heal. It's not easy! I can't..I just…I'm not crazy, please don't do this to me. I can't take this right now!

I start to sob harder as I feel both her arms wrap around me tight. "Tori…what are you feeling? Can you please talk to me? Can you stop hiding your face away. I won't bite I swear." She says in a more playful tone by her last sentence, but I'm not playing. There's nothing funny.

She quiets herself as I feel her fingers playing with the end of my hair. The only sounds that can be heard are my sobs and the beeping of a machine in the background.

"Victoria baby. I know you're hurting right now and that this is so hard for you, so we're not going to talk about anything that has to do with today. But there's something very, very important that I need you to answer me honestly with, because it determines your safety and our next move to get you better and in a safe place okay?"

I just simply nod without further thought. I don't want to think. Just…whatever.

She wraps her arms even tighter around me as she scoots closer and it's just so comforting right now. I know I'm not a baby and I wouldn't dare ask but…I just wish she'd hold me…hold me like a baby. I want someone to hold me tight, never let me go, keep me safe forever. Then I won't be so scared anymore. I don't feel safe. I don't.

"Tori….those cuts on your body. How did they get there?"

Even more tears start to fall as I now know this is headed in a completely different direction than before. Now I'm really going to be called crazy. I'm really going to be put in a nut house, I'm really in trouble and now they have a reason, a proof! _Ughhhh please…I just want to die!_

"It's okay. You won't be in trouble. You can tell me. Did someone do those to you? Did someone hurt you?"

I knew this day would come. Where I am caught red handed. I was never prepared for it but I just don't have it in me to make up any lies. I just don't care anymore. You know what? Forget everything! I feel like I've lost everything! Me, myself, my body. All my secrets are out! I have nothing anymore. I was ripped bare and thrown outside in the cold. Put me in the nut house! Call me crazy! I don't give a shit anymore! I just want to dieeeeeeeee! Pleaseeeeeee!

"Did you do those to yourself Tori?" She asks in a more firm voice than the sweet one she's been using, but she knows. Just by the tone of her voice I know she already knows the answer to her own question, so why is she even asking?

I give it to her though. The conformation she needs just with the slightest nod of my head.

"Okay." She whispers to me before patting my back and rubbing it. "Everything will be okay. You don't have to be ashamed, or scared about anything. We care so much about you here Tori and we'll make sure everything will be okay for you so you can return home as soon as possible okay?"

I didn't acknowledge her this time. She's lying. That's all they do. She's going to put me in the nut house I know it.

I feel a kiss go on my head and a whisper _"You sweet girl"_ before she states how she'll return very shortly and her presence leave the room. That's when I let it all out. Screams and cries. It's almost like it wasn't me as my arms wave and my legs kick around. His man hood jamming itself inside of me as his hand covers my mouth. His panting and groaning as tears burn my eyes and my body in so much pain, my soul wanting to leap from my body but it couldn't escape. I couldn't escape. I hear sirens but they are too late. He lets go inside of me before sliding himself out and trying to make a run and that's when they caught him, as the door swung open. I lay there, distraught. I can't believe anything. I can't…I can't. A policeman removes his jacket and wraps it around me before scooping me up into his arms and then it's dark…and then I'm here.

I'm here in this situation because of a kiss. Because I wanted to talk. _Oh god Jade!_

I feel my arms and legs being pinned down as I finally open my eyes to see three nurses around me telling me to calm down before a mask goes over my face and a needle goes into my arm.

"It's just to relax Tori, everything will be fine." I hear the same soft voice from earlier but I can't make out a face as my eyes become heavy and my mind lost.

* * *

I wake up to a soft whimpering sound coming from my left as I open my eyes slowly and turn my head to the sound.

There to my right sat Cat in a chair next to my bed with her knees to her chest crying.

"..Cat?" I say softly before her head snaps up and she leaps to her feet and gets as close as she can to my side without being on the bed.

Her arms wrap around me the best way they could with me laying down as she cried out my name and sobs more.

"Cat..Cat I'm okay. Please don't cry." I say as I wrap my arms back around her. She finally pulls back as my hand goes to my mouth in shock of the sight of her eye which is completely black and swollen shut. Her hair is wrapped up in a high bun and her clothes are loose and hanging off her shoulder.

"Cat what happened to you?" I say as I sit up slowly causing a wave of soreness below reminding me of why I'm here in the first place. A wave of hurt took over me within a second as I slowly lay back down, tears filling my eyes.

"…T..Tori are you..o,okay? I,I,I'm so so,sorry. I l,love you so m,m,uch!" She says between sobs as I slowly reach over and grab her hand.

"Cat it's okay. I'm okay. Please stop crying." I say as I reach my hand up to her eye. "What happened?"

_Oh god I hope Ron didn't get her too!_

She grabs my hand and holds it in hers. "I fell. I'm so sorry we weren't there Tori."

"Where is everyone else?"

"They only let one person come see you at a time. They were letting two or three, but while you were sleeping your heart rate keep speeding so they dropped it to one. Are you okay? This is my fault."

_No, no, no no, no!_

I sit up quickly despite the pain and grab onto Cat tight. "It's not your fault Cat. You had nothing to do with it." I say looking into her coffee stained eye that tears proclaim. "It's no ones fault. It was just a bad accident." I say to myself as that feeling of hurt starts to fill my body once more.

"But Tori if I hadn't-"

"-Cat stop please. I don't want to talk about it, please." I beg as tears start to fall from my own eyes and that's when she quieted herself and nods.

"Is Jade here?"

"I'M HERE!" She screams as I jump back surprised at her sudden outburst. She closes her non swollen eye as she takes a breath and looks back at me. "Nobody knows where she is. She ran away and the police can't find her. But I'm here Tori? Do I not matter?"

_They…they can't find her? What if she's hurt!?_

"Cat I love you so much. You're my sister, of course you matter." I say reaching over and grabbing her sides with both my hands pulling her closer to my bed. "I'm sorry."

She looks down with furrows brows as she gives a sad smile.

"…What did you fall on?"

She loses her smile. "Tori…I don't want to talk about it okay? How are you feeling?"

"I don't want to talk about my feelings. Really, I don't."

She sighs as she starts to pet my arm. "I love you Tori."

"I love you too Cat."

She stands with her head down as she sighs and continues to pet my arm in silence.

"So…why did Jade run away?"

She immediately snatches her hand back. "Shut up Tori! Why are you always so worried about Jade!? Jade, Jade, Jade, Tori, Tori, Tori I'm here for you right now! She's not is she!? She doesn't even care about you Tori! She told me she's glad this happened to you! Matter of fact she set it up! That kiss and everything was fake! She doesn't even like you! She wanted you to be weak so she could have you and be your superhero so you'll fall in love with her like in a stupid movie! She's going to come back and try to love you and blah blah blah! She doesn't care! I care about you! She doesn't! Stop worrying about Jade! You want to know how I got a black eye!? It's because Jade punched me after I told her I was going to tell you the truth! She got mad and punched me! Yeah, that's right! SO FUCK JADE!"

"Hey what's going on in here?" I look over to see a nurse peeking her head through the door.

"I was just leaving." Cat says as she shoots me a look then walks out of the door the nurse holds open for her.

"Are you okay Tori? Do you need anything?" I just shake my head as the nurse nods and says how she'll send my mother in.

I lay back as Cat's words run through my mind…._set up? No way. There's no way she could have set me up for that…right? Jade wouldn't do that. I don't think. But where is she? Why isn't she here? I would think she'd be the first person to be here….maybe…no, no Tori Cat's telling a fib. She's lying because….because what Tori? Because she's Cat_. _She's so jealous._ _But…what if she is telling the truth? Did Jade really punch her?_

I just cover my eyes and cry.

_I'm tried….I'm just so tired. I can't so this right now. I can't! Everything please leave me alone. Please._

I never thought something like this would ever happen to me. It's just that positivity you get when you just _know_ something like this will never happen to you. I guess….it really can happen to anyone.

_Nothing's impossible…._

* * *

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	19. Fuck My Life

Chapter 19

_Fuck "My" Life_

**[Jade's POV]**

I look over at Cat as my heart fills with hurt and regret and rage and whatever other negative emotion there is in the book before I let the emotions unleash and I run in the other direction. I can't stand to be in here for another second. I have to breathe. I need air. I need more. I need…something, something I can't explain. Something that isn't here, that isn't of this earth.

Tears sting my eyes as I finally make it to an exit and burst out of the door hitting a few people in the process but I couldn't care less. Fuck everyone.

I run. I don't know where I'm running, or why exactly I'm running, but I still run. Maybe I can run from this life. Maybe if I run fast enough my soul will leave my body. Maybe I can run off the edge of the earth and I never have to return to this horrible life. Maybe I'll just have a heart attack or over exercise myself and I'll just drop dead. All the above sounds great to me; anything but having to return is fine by me.

There's no one on my side anymore. I'm alone and that's how I'll always be. I should be used to this, but I'm not because even though I was alone by family I still had my friends. If I really just really need a shoulder to lean on, I knew they all would be there, but I know I've just lost them too.

Tori is going to hate me forever. I caused this to her. It's my fault. If I wasn't so selfish to myself then Tori would be fine. She would be.

Andre….I never even seen him so upset. I've never felt so threatened…frightened by him. He put me in a position I couldn't bring myself out of and I know it was defense for Cat. But….why? Why is he defending her! I mean I know she's sweet and whatever, but she was in the wrong! Not me! Did he not hear what she said to me!? All Andre cares about is people hurting her! Well what about me!?

_What about you Jade?_

Nothing, because no one cares.

I'm nearly 3 miles in before my body can't take anymore and I collapse next to a tree close to a nearby park. I know the cops are after me. I wasn't even supposed to leave too far from their sight. They took me down to the station for questioning but I refused. I refused until they let me see Tori to make sure she was okay. So we made a deal. They take me to see Tori and I would answer all their stupid questions later. It wasn't part of the deal for me to run away. They'll find me anyways. And I never even got to see Tori. So….the deal is all fucked up anyways but I don't want to be found. Not yet. Not ever to be real, but to be _realistic_ I just need time to myself. No cops, no Tori, no Andre, no Cat no Ron, no nobody. Just me. I need to breathe.

I slowly bring myself back to my feet before walking slowly toward a direction I used to visit so much when I was younger.

_I can't believe she blamed me._

I wipe a stray tear that escapes my eye.

Cat. Is she in the wrong? Or, maybe I am? No. I did. I did put my trust in her when I was little. I guess because deep down I just really, really, thought she would tell somebody even when I told her not to. She really kept my secret but it wasn't meant to keep. It was hint. But after that night it's like I never had told her anything. She never questioned me about it again and she for sure never told anyone. Tori would have told. I don't know why I didn't tell Tori. Maybe it's because I was so much closer to Cat back then. She was my best friend. I told her my deepest darkest secret that she tossed to the side like it didn't matter, like it was a piece of trash; The secret that she turned back onto me like I was the selfish one for even calling Ron a bad man. Cat's not always all the way there, but she's not that stupid. I mean…I didn't think she was back then. I thought she was smart enough to know it was wrong. I thought she was smart enough to know what I wanted her to do. But…I thought wrong. So after that night, it's like I told no one. I was still fucked up and I was too afraid to tell myself. Either way I knew I was going to be taken from the house, but if I told….I just….deep down I felt no one would have believed me on top of the fact that if they did I was going to be taken away on top of another fact that if I would have gotten caught Ron would have killed me and my mom like he threatened, which is all a apparently a lie now since my mom was on his side to begin with! Whatever the case it all scared me.

I knew if someone else told they'd believe it true. I…I don't know I was dumb back then. Not that I'm too much smarter now. The outcome would have still been the same if I told or if Cat told. Right now it's just the fact that she blamed what was happening to me on _me._ Don't underestimate Cat, she's definitely smarter now. She knows what she said. She called me stupid for not calling the police. I couldn't! He threatened to kill us, to hurt me. I was scared! As much as I didn't want to admit it I was! To death.

"_You could have called the police if you wanted to! It's not my fault you didn't!"_

And you know what…..fuck it she's right. It is my fault. It's always been. It always will be. I'm done thinking about. Fuck my life.

I hate it when people use "fml" on stupid stuff like when their family goes out to the beach but it was ooh too hot "fml". Or someone's mad because they didn't get laid tonight "fml". Or someone's mad because they have no one to hang out with today "fml".

No fuck you for taking your fucking great lives for granted!

The day I was going to the beach my mom got killed! "FML!" I got laid every fucking night by force for 7 years! "FML!" I don't even have anyone anymore to call a friend! "FML!" I hate it! All you inconsiderate life for granted taking bitch ass mother fuckers! Live my life for a day and you'll live up to all your "fml's". No, don't fuck your pretty little life! Fuck _my_ life!

I wipe a few tears before walking into the gate of the cemetery that isn't surprisingly empty. I used to come here all the time to just vent to her. They say dead people can hear you. I believed that true when I was younger. But now…not so much.

I sigh once I reach her grave and just take a seat looking over the tomb as I run my fingers over the old dead flowers I had put down years ago. I'm surprised they're still here.

I open my mouth to speak but no words come out as I just sigh and bring my knees to my chest. "….Is it true?" I finally speak as I look hard at her grave as if she'll come out and answer me.

My mom….I just don't know what to believe. She seemed to really have loved me, but….I guess people aren't always who you think they are.

"My life is so fucked. Can I just come down there with you in your grave? I'd be so much happier. Well….I'm not happy to begin with so I guess I couldn't be _happier_. I'd just be happy."

"I hope the things Ron said aren't true. You're the only one who ever truly loved me mom. To hear you didn't….do you know how much that hurts me? Do you even care? Are you even listening?"

I sigh loudly as I just shake my head and stand back to my feet. "I'll just kill myself. Why I haven't done that years ago beats me. I would do it right now, but I don't know how without causing serious pain to myself, but what does more pain matter? It hurts anyways, might as well take it to the max right?" I say as I use the back of my sleeve to wipe my eyes. "What do I have to live for anyways? They're going to put me in a foster home. I'm going to hate it there and they're going to hate me. It's going to be far away from here I know it. It's just going to get worse, but I can end it." I reach into the inside pocket of my skirt before pulling out a simple small pair of scissors. They're not the best, but…they'll get the job done.

I sit back down in front of her tomb as I open the red pair of scissors and flip them so the sharp end is to my wrist. "I'm not even scared." I whisper as I drag the scissors across my wrist, but it does nothing but leave a very small scratch that resembles a paper cut so I go again, harder this time. But still it barely does anything letting me know my scissors aren't sharp enough for the job. So I close them and point the sharp end to the font of my neck. I push a little before I bring the scissors as far out as I can ready to jab them into my neck but in the split second I drop them. They make a small sound as they hit my mom's tombstone as I bring my hands to my face and let out a long sob. And that's all I do for the next hour is sit here and sob. But it'll change nothing. I can cry all I want to, I'm still here. I don't have the guts. I can't do that to myself. Ever.

I don't remember falling to sleep but I wake up to an almost full night sky with my body laid out over my mother's grave. _Shows how many people show up here._

My eyes burn so bad as I wipe them feeling how swollen they are against the back of my hand. I sit up and stand to my feet before just shaking my head and kicking her stone as I threw a small fit knowing my next move is with the state. I'm surprised they haven't found me by now. Maybe they're not even looking? Maybe they don't even care about me anymore either?

I just cross my arms as I make my way from the cemetery and back to the hospital. It's not the closes walk since I ran earlier, but…whatever now. I don't care about anything. My life is already gone…actually I don't think I ever had one.

Cars fly pass as I slowly but surely make my way back. "I just wanna die!" I stop to cry out to the night sky before I just let more tears fall, put my head down, and continued my walk, but it wasn't until one car in particular stopped and backed up that got back my attention.

Ready to cuss out a pervert who's trying to get me in bed, I just throw up my middle finger at the vehicle but don't stop my stroll until I hear my name.

"Jade?"

I spin around to the familiar voice as tears fill my eyes all over again. I run over to her door and just hug her through her window.

"Jade, are you okay baby? Why are you out here alone?" She says as she pulls from my grip and grabs onto my face through her window.

"Dr. Valarie…" Was I could say before I burst into tears once more.

"Jade….get in." She says as she points to her passenger side door and I don't hesitate. Maybe she can help me! Or maybe she can't. Who am I kidding. She's a doctor…she one of _them_.

I slowly get into the passenger's side as cars beep and yell from behind but Valarie and I both ignore as I finally shut the door.

"Seatbelt." She says casually.

"Who cares, I rather be thrown from the car and die."

I hear a sigh come from her as she puts the gears in drive and speeds off. "Jade what are you doing out here by yourself? You know there's crazy people around her at night. What's going on?"

All these years I've done everything to shut Valarie out of all the bad things going on in my life. But there's nothing left to hide. The world knows everything now. It's over and done and I'm going to be in state custody no matter what. I guess it wouldn't hurt to tell her. I don't even care anymore. I always held up these walls, but they've all been burnt down to ashes. I'm exposed and I have nothing left to build up. Now people are flooding in and I can't stop them. If anyone deserves the truth it's Valarie.

I just shrug as I wipe my burning yes again. "They caught him."

"What was going on Jade? I just always wanted to help you, but I couldn't, because you wouldn't let me in." She says in a sad tone as she keeps her eyes on the road.

I sigh. "My…moms boyfriend. He always…yeah and…my best friend went over when I wasn't home and he….he got her too." I say as my voice cracks to the realization of what I let happen to Tori sweep through me again.

"…Jade I'm-"

"-I didn't mean for any of this to happen." I cry. "I never told because I didn't want to be taken away. I didn't want to be put with the state and he threatened us. To kill me if I told so I didn't tell. Now he hurt my best friend and it's all my fault. I wasn't there to stop him and if I had of told years ago it wouldn't have happened. But they know everything now and he's in jail and I have nowhere to go. They are going to take me away Valarie and I don't want to be in a foster home. I don't want to leave. If I leave it's going to be through death because I just can't. I hurt so many people, all my friends, everyone. I'm so alone right now and I find out my mom never gave a shit about me either so now going to her grave is just shit because she probably isn't even listening. I just want to die but I don't have the guts to kill myself. I have no one Valarie, please, please _help me_!" I whisper my last words. They were so strong coming off my lips. I never thought in a million years I'd be asking anyone to help me. I was so strong for myself but…I can't anymore. I've fallen so hard and I can't get back up, I need help. I admit it. _I need help!_

I wipe my eyes as I look over at Valarie who has her hands steady on the wheel and her eyes straight ahead as she comes to a stop light. She takes a glance at the back seat before meeting her eyes with mine and I couldn't read them. Her expression was blank.

The light turns back green and she quickly turns her eyes back to the road before she pulls over into a vacant parking lot and parks the car.

She was silent for a moment as she let her fingers play around her stirring wheel before she finally speaks. "You could have told me this so long ago Jade. I would have helped you. No one would have killed you. I would have made sure you were safe."

She turns to me as she brings her hand over to cup my face as she rubs her thumb over my cheek. Before she sighs and brings her hand back.

"Jade, where are you supposed to be?"

I sniff as I turn away from her. "With the police at the hospital where my friend is."

"You ran away?"

I just nod.

"…..Aunt Val?" I hear a smaller sleepy voice come from the back seat that makes me jump a bit. I didn't know there was someone else in the car. Fuck and I just spilled my life out.

"Hey it's okay. We'll be home soon Ariana, go back to sleep." She says to the back seat that I didn't dare look back at. I'm so embarrassed and I don't really have a good suitable reason why. _At least she was sleeping…._

'Who's that?" I mouth to Valarie as she glances back at me.

"My adopted niece. She came to live with me a few months ago after her adoptive mother, who lives all the way in Florida, claimed she couldn't care for her anymore after caring for her for 6 years. I think it's something else but I wasn't going to get into it nor was I going to let her go back into foster care so I took her in." She whispers before glancing back at the backseat and smiling. "She had a talent show tonight. Sung her heart out. Won first place." She says proudly before glance back and me, her smile fading.

"Jade….give me some time to figure some things out okay. But I have to take you back to the police okay?"

"Nooo Dr. Valarie pleas-"

"-Jade. I have to. Just give me some time. I'll help you. "

"Please don't take me back. They're going to take me away and-"

"-I won't let them take you away. I promise. Do you trust me?" She says as she reaches over and grabs my hand.

I look at her hand before looking back into her eyes. I do….I do trust her. And I nod.

She leans over and kisses me on my head. "I have to take you back. Give me time and I'll help you." She says before putting her car back in drive and heading towards the hospital.

_I hope I can trust her…._

* * *

"5 Minutes Jade. You are lucky I'm allowing you to do this." Officer Mays speaks to me as she held Tori's hospital room door open. "5." She repeated before closing the door.

I just roll my eyes but stop as they land on Tori. She's sitting talking with a nurse who's pointing to a machine and explaining to her what things mean. Vegas being Vegas she probably asked what all the little buttons do.

"Okay if you need anything just hit the nurse call button. Mrs. Dills will be here first thing in the morning to speak with you." I watch as Tori nods and glances back up at the machine as if she so fascinated by it before she turns her gaze around and lands on me. She gives a small gasp and a jump when she sees me but quickly relaxes as she gives me a very faint smile.

And that's one thing I fucking love about Tori. Even after what she's just been through, that's my fault, she still tries so hard to smile at me. And you know…it's not even a fake one. It's a real one.

My heart melts.

"…Hi Jade."

I lift my hand up giving her a small wave as I make my way to her side. "I'm sorry!" I yell out as I break down instantly.

_Wow that was out of the blue._

"Jade….it's not your fault. I haven't been thinking about it so please don't bring it up. It's better when I don't think or talk about it." She says as I feel a cold hand on my forearm. I wipe my tears as I cuss myself under my breath for probably just making her situation worse.

It was silent for a moment as I just look her over. Her hair is flowing down her back, her eyes black and puffy, she looks weak, so weak. But I have one question for her….and I want to ask without offending her but I just have to know.

"…Why are you in mental ward?"

The words that slip from my lips give themselves meaning as quickly as my sentence is complete. _Oh my god, I hope she's not here because she's now….crazy? Oh god. This is all my fault._

I watch as she puts her head down and plays with her fingers in front of her. "Can I ask you something?"

I just nod as I turn to sit on the edge of her bed.

"Did you know this would happen?" She asks completely ignoring my question. She keeps her eyes away from mine as she sits quietly waiting for an answer to her question that I didn't register in my head until moments later.

_Did I what!?_

Quickly I stand to my feet and turn my body back around to her. "No! If I had of known you were going over it wouldn't have happened! Why would you ask me that!? You think I would set you up for something like this!?" I ask pointing to myself with tears in my eyes.

"..No I didn't think you would..it's just…"

"It's just what Tori? I care so much about you! I would never intentionally put you in harms way!"

"Hey Jade. Time's up we have to go." Officer Mays says as she stands in the doorway.

"Where are they taking you?" Tori asks in a concerned voice as I turn back to her.

"Why would you even ask me if I knew about it? You really think I would let this happen to you Tori?"

Her eyes start to water as she shakes her head. "No….it's just Cat."

I suck in buckets of air as my teeth grits together at her name. "What did she say!?"

"She…she told me you set this up so you can come back and save me and…that you gave her a black eye because she told you she was going to tell me the truth."

"WHAT!?"

"Jade, that's enough. You can visit Tori another time. Let's go." Officer Mays says as she steps into the room.

I watch as Tori just nods as a tears escapes her eye. "That's not true is it Jade?"

I throw my head back trying to stop the millions of tears that fills my eyes but it's no use. They fall anyways as I let my head back down. I lean over and grab onto her face gently with both my hands as I place a small kiss on her lips. "Tori I would never hurt you, ever. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry."

I felt my arm being tugged on as I lean back to Officer Mays pulling me from the room as if I'm some sort of criminal.

"Tori I…." I just bite my lip and look her in her eyes as she puts her hand to her mouth and puts it out towards me as if she were blowing a kiss but it was very weak; her sad facial expression not changing the least bit as I'm pulled into the hallway.

_Oooh when I get my hands on her…..Cat's dead meat!_

* * *

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**What are your thoughts? Do you really think Valarie will help Jade? Looks who's in her back seat! Are you scared for Cat? I know I am...**

**Review ;)**


	20. Odd One Out

Chapter 20

_Odd One Out_

**[Cat's POV]**

"I was just leaving." I say before giving Tori the most evil glare I could muster and exiting the room.

"Let's go home!" I yell at my mother once I reach the waiting area where she and my family sit waiting for their turn to be with Tori again.

"Baby! What happened to your eye?" She says as she reaches out to touch it but I slap her hand away. "Just take me home!"

"Babe we aren't leaving yet okay? Just sit down-"

"-I'm not sitting down! Take me home!" I scream this time causing heads to turn in my direction but I don't care. I can't stand to be here anymore. I can't stand to look at anyone's faces. I can't stand thinking about everything that's happening right now and being here isn't helping it stay away. I just want to go home and lie in my bed and sleep forever.

My mother stands as she grabs onto my hand and pulls be to a corner in the small room before she gives me a concerned/tired/shut the hell up right now I'm not dealing with it kind of look. I don't even know how she pulls that off.

"Caterina, now is not the time. We are all tired, we are all worried, we all just want to go home. Please just sit down and be quiet for a while, while we try to breathe through this." She says calmly before letting go of my hand.

"I don't care! I just want to go home! I can't stand it here anymore!"

"Cat." She says through gritted teeth before looking to the ceiling. "I cannot deal with you right now. We-"

"-Have you ever!?"

She looks back down giving me an evil glare as she steps closer making me back into the wall behind me. "Cat, stop." She says simply before walking back to her seat.

Tears fills my eyes as I look over at Trina who is giving me an ashamed look then at Beck who is just crying softly in his hands before I just dash from the room altogether. I don't belong to this family. Why am I even here? I never could fit in with them. I was and still am the odd one out.

It's all my fault why my whole family is separated and not just the family I was adopted into all those years ago, but _my_ family. Just me my little sister Ari, Mom and Dad. It's my fault, all my fault why we aren't together anymore. And as much as everyone used to tell me it was a dream, that it didn't happen. I know it did.

They tell me I was too young to remember; that there was no way I could have remembered anything from when I was 3 years old. But I remember. My birthday was just the next week and we were all in the car; my family. We were out, I don't know where we were going but we were in the car I remember, I do. I kept telling dad to look at something stupid I drew that I wanted for my birthday. I kept on, and kept on until he glanced at it through the rearview mirror and that's when it happened. I don't remember how, or what, but the car rolled. And that's all I remember before blackness and then….then I was with a new family. It's like…everything between the accident and being adopted had vanished.

I always told my new dad what happened but he told me I was never in the car. He told me if I was in that car me and Ariana would have been dead as well, but I just….it was so real. It wasn't a dream I remember it. Why would they lie to me?

I finally made it outside before I just cross my arms tight around my body and start to head home. I don't mind the walk anyways. It's a nice and breezy night. A very good night to walk, but walking always causes me to think. It causes me to think about things that I never want to think about, about things I always try to forget; pretend never happened and I don't like that at all.

I squeeze my eyes tight as I try to hold back the extra tears that demand to escape my eyes.

I got used to my new family. I did. I loved it there. I had my sister and new brothers. I was….I was a model and…I wasn't a model.

The tears finally escape my eyes as I just wrap my arms around my body even tighter as I let them fall freely.

I still…I don't understand what happened back then. What went wrong? Why was it so wrong? Nobody ever explained and I never asked. I just knew after what happened to me, I had to go to court and answer questions about what was going on in my house and I told everything as well as my siblings. My father, his friend and Ms. Danielle ended up in prison after that and that's when I knew something was very wrong. The word pornography kept coming up and I don't like the sound of it because I don't know what it means and I'm scared to find out. So I let it go. Soon after I went to live with Tori. I was fine with that it was great, but I never saw my little sister again. It hurt to think about it, so as everything else, I pushed it to the category of things I don't think about and things I've dropped. And I lived my life on.

But now are the times I'm thinking about it. Not only was it my fault my family split once, it's my fault my new family split as well. If I had never got into that car with Mike everything would have been fine. I would still be with my family and everything would be okay, right?

I don't know.

I turn a corner to walk down a street that lead me to my house as cars speed pass me on my left and the quiet dark night on my right. Tears burn my eyes as the cool breeze works at its best to dry them up, but it's not match. My eyes are a streaming river.

Tori. Why did I say those things to Tori? Why did I lie to her? To make me look good? To make Jade look bad? To make Tori think Jade didn't really care about her so I could have Jade for myself? That's exactly why. Now I regret it. I didn't mean it, it was just….selfish. I don't mean to hurt Tori, she's already hurt enough. Oh I hope I didn't hurt her more!

Why am I still trying? "Jade hates you Cat! Jade never wants you! Jade will never be with you! Get that through your head!" I yell aloud to myself as I put my hands to my head as if it would help me get over her, but it's not helping. I still love her and I don't know why.

"_Cat….if I tell you something, will you promise to keep it between us?"_

"_Like a secret!?"_

"_Shhhhhh!" Jade says before covering my mouth._

"_Sorry." I whisper. "What is it?"_

"_Cat promise me you won't tell anyone okay?"_

"_Pinky promise." I say holding out my pinky. Jade rolls her eyes as she grabs her pinky in mine._

_I smile as I sit quietly waiting for her to speak. I love secrets. Nobody ever tells me anything so for Jade to tell me a secret, it has to be good!_

"_Cat, you know Mr. Ron? The man that lives with me?"_

_I nod. "He told me I have pretty dimples. He's so nice." I whisper with a huge smile as she shakes her head._

"_He's not nice Cat. He's a bad man."_

_What?_ "_A…a bad man? Like the a Decepticon?"_

"_Yes Cat, he's just like Mega Tron. He wants something that doesn't belong to him, he wants to do bad. But instead of to everyone, it's to me."_

"_What is he doing? What does he want?"_

_"Cat, we have special places on your bodies. They are here and here." She points to her breast and then down between her legs. "No one is supposed to touch those or see those, but you yourself. Do you understand that?"_

_But how can that be? Dad sees those places all the time and we touch those places too, they feel really good!_ _So what does she mean? "__..yeah.." I say not wanting to ask what she means because Jade gets angry at me quickly when I don't understand something and I don't want her angry at me._

_She sighs. "At night Ron comes into my room while I'm sleeping, and he touches those special spots on me when he's not supposed to. That's bad."_

_That's not bad. Maybe she should just talk to her mom about it…."__Well why don't you tell your mom?"_

"_Because he told me he will hurt me and he will hurt my mom if I do. So I can't tell."_

_I look down in my lap as I play with my fingers. Maybe she just doesn't know about those spots. Maybe it's because she's not a model like me. "But… those spots feel good Jade. Maybe he just wants to make you feel good." I say looking back to her._

_She scrunches my eyes at me. "No Cat! They don't feel good! They hurt! They hurt badly!" She yells waking Tori up._

_She dismisses the whole thing as she gets back into bed and I just snuggle up behind her. I don't know why she calls this a secret. It's not a big deal. She just doesn't know how nice it can be yet. "I won't tell your secret Jade." I say snuggling into her. _

And I stayed true to my word.

I burst out crying even more as I turn the nob to my door that's locked before reaching under the mat to grab the spare as I let myself in.

I sprint to my room before slamming my door as hard as I could vibrating the whole house and knocking things off the walls in my room.

I don't think. I just sob as I scream and yell. I tear up my bed, I kick over my dresser, I break my mirror, I throw my lap top, I break my window. I drop to the floor in sobs and heartache as I just curl into a ball.

How could I have been so stupid? I…I am stupid. I always am and I always will be. Jade's right. She's always right. I can't believe I missed that. She told me because I was her best friend, she told me because she trusted me and I was stupid. "I didn't know Jade! I would have saved you I swear I didn't know!" I cry out as I punch my floor and cry hard into it.

_Cat die, kill yourself._

"No!" I scream aloud at my own thought. I can't do that!

I quickly sprint across my room retrieving the house phone calling Andre's phone. I need somebody, I do. I need him. I just need my friend right now. I don't need much, but I need him and I need him now.

The phone only had to ring once before I hear his cool voice on the other end.

"Andre! Please come get me! I know you probably just got home! But I…I can't be alone right now! Please!"

"Where are you, I'm on my way?"

"I'm at home."

"I'm on my way." With that the line went dead with no questions asked. And I love that I can have Andre just hold me sometimes and he won't ask why. He just will. I don't have to explain anything to him. It's like he just already understands me and I love that about him.

I used to be able to call Jade for this. And she used to hold me with no questions asked, but now I can't. Because I screwed up her life! That's why she hates me so much! Ughhh!

Andre was there within what felt like a matter of seconds. I didn't even hear him pull up, but my room door was opening and there he was. I didn't hesitate to fall into his open arms and just sob everything I could out. It hurt so badly and I can't make it stop. Crying helps a little but it's not changing my actions from the past. Crying isn't saving my Jadey like I should have done.

"I got you baby. You don't have to cry." I hear Andre say into my ear as we sit on my floor, him holding me and rocking me back and forth softly.

"She's right Andre. I am stupid. It's my fault. I could have stopped all this from happening. Everything is my fault. My family, my new family, Jade, Tori everything Andre! I never meant to hurt anyone!" I sob into his shoulder as I felt his hand go to the back of my head to pet it.

"Nothing is your fault Cat."

I pull away from him as I look him in his eyes but keep my hands on his shoulder straddling him. "Andre it is! You can't say it's not if I had of done so many things different, all this bad stuff wouldn't have happened!"

"Cat shit happens! And that's life. No matter what your decisions or Jade's decisions or Tori's decisions things always find a way to get messed up. Nothing is your fault I can reassure you that. You're very gullible Cat, and you have to stop being that way." He says as he puts his hands on both sides of my face keeping my eyes locked on his. "You have to stop crying. Things will get better I know it."

This just made even more tears fall from my eyes as I tried to look away put he held his hands steady not letting my head move.

"Cat…please stop crying." He says in a soft cool voice as he uses his thumbs to wipe under my eyes. "Cat, you're always worried about Jade and how she's feeling and how you could make things better with her. I know, I watch you. I watch Jade hurt you over and over. I watch her push you aside, but you still keep at it. You put everything you have into her and she's not giving anything back. She does not care Cat and I don't want to hurt you but you have to get it into your head when I say this. Jade does not want you. Let her go."

And there is it. My heart. It's dead. It's…it's dead. I sob out again as he lets go of my face and lets me sob into his shoulder once more. My teeth sink into his shirt and I know he can feel it on his skin but he doesn't stop me. His hand just rubs up and down my back as his other arm is wrapped around me holding me tight.

My crying starts to cease as I turn my head so that my face was buried in the crook of his neck. "It…it's hurts so bad to love someone and not have them love you back the same way Andre."

"I know Cat."

I pull away from him as my hand go back to his shoulders, his hands now firmly on my back. I stare him in his eyes as I just shake my head. "You don't Andre. You don't understand how much it hurts."

"I understand how it feels to love someone and watch them love your friend. How it feels to watch her get hurt everyday by the person she loves and try to be there for her as much as I can. How it feels to hold her in my arms when she's crying over someone that doesn't give two shits about her. How it feels to love her and she has no clue and if she does she ignores it. Yeah Cat, it does hurt." He says as he looks me in my eyes and they're different, the look in them.

My mouth opens slightly as everything he just told me registers in my mind and…and…."…Andre." I say in a breath. I…I feel in a way that I can't explain. My heart is doing turns that are so confused it hurts. It hurts in a different kind of way. A way that's indescribable.

"..Cat I really like you. I've always have, but you were and are so caught up with Jade….I didn't ever think I could find a chance to tell you, or even if we had a chance at all."

"Andre.."

"-Caterina Valentine you are so beautiful. The sweetest person I've ever met in my entire life. I'm tired watching people take advantage of you. I'm tired of watching people hurt you. You make me feel in ways that I've never felt in my entire life. I don't know how else to say all this, and if there ever was a right time, but I can't wait much longer to tell you….to tell you that…"

Tears start to well in my eyes as I shake my head. "To tell me what?" I say as I voice cracks knowing what his words most likely will be.

My back turns cold as his warm hands abandoned it and return to their spot on my face. Before I had the chance to think his lips were on mine, my eyes closing involuntarily as my lips latch onto his and I melt. My head is a mess. My emotions are spilled onto the floor. My heart is so confused but I'm giving in. I kiss….I kiss him back softly as tears run down my face and drops down between us. I feel his hands leave my face and start to slowly move down my shoulders and down the sides of my body stopping above my hips as his kisses leave my mouth and make a trail to my neck.

"I love you Cat…" He whispers before giving my neck small sucks. A small moan escapes my lips as my head falls back. My mind now telling me to make him stop. That this isn't right. That I love Jade. I'm cheating on Jade.

I feel his arm go around me and hold me tight as he leans forward putting me to the floor on my back. "Andre.."

"Tell me to stop and I will." He whispers as his lips go back to my neck. I feel his hand slowly moving up leg, up my thy. My body turns to heat. I've never felt this way before and its feels so good in a so bad way. I have to stop. I…I don't love Andre. Do I? No I've never even looked at him that way. He's my best friend…I, I thought.

My legs involuntarily wrap around his body making him fall gently against me. I can feel him against my own center and I throb of want, my body turning to a 100 degrees as I start to slowly grind against him causing a groan to escape his lips and that's when it took over me. The smell, the thought, the scene, Mike. Mike!

"Ahhh!" I yell as I push him hard off of me. "Get away from me!" I scream as I back away with my eyes closed tight.

"Cat, Cat I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

My eyes snap open and to see him with concern and hurt all over his face. "Andre? Andre I'm sorry, I didn't mean….it wasn't you…it's just…I…he…"

A look of understanding quickly took over his face as he crawled over to where I scattered from him and wrapped his arms around me tight. "I'm so sorry Cat. I wasn't thinking. I'm so sorry. I love you." He says kissing me on my head.

Tears just fill my eyes as I softly push him away. "Maybe you should go."

"…Cat I hope I didn't hurt you. I just….it's been so long and I've always just…I love you and I want you in every way to be mine. I don't want anyone to hurt you anymore. I want to always be there. I want you and I just really want you to want me too. I just never thought I had the guts to say it."

I stand to my feet as I let my tears fall free and just shake my head. "…Andre….it's been such a long, long day. I just want to go to sleep now. I don't want to think about anything. Nothing is your fault, don't apologize, I just….I don't know what's happening right now. My emotions are so mixed and my mind is so lost….I have to think everything through okay?"

He just nods as he stands to his feet and wraps his arms around me. "I completely understand Cat and…I'm still sorry. I was in the wrong tonight."

I shake my head. "You weren't. It's just me. We'll talk soon okay?"

He nods as he pulls from the hug giving me another kiss on my head. He opens his mouth to speak but no words come out as he just reaches over and wipes my tears before leaving my room quietly.

I watch out my window as his car leaves my driveway and my mom's car pull up. I can't even deal with anything right now. I just want no talking. All silence and I know I can't do that if I try to sleep on my own. My mind will be at full speed and everything will just hurt so bad. I just want all the thoughts to stop if just for one night. I can't take much more of this. Just…a small break.

I exit my room and walk over to the bathroom where the medicine cabinet is. My mom always has sleeping pills because she says she has trouble sleeping sometimes and I'm grateful that she has them because I need some. Trina once said the more you take the longer you'll sleep before she and her friend started laughing about it, but it's not funny. I'm going to take a lot so I can sleep for the rest of fall break. Maybe then I can wake up a little refreshed.

"Cat! Are you here!?" I hear my mother yell out in concern. _Oh now she cares?_

I don't answer as I open the cap of the sleeping pills and frown because there's only like 12 left. I don't think that'll last as long as I want but whatever will do right now.

I reach up and grab my mouth rinsing cup before filling it with water and pouring two pills in my hand at a time. I downed them easily as I take two more, and then two more after that, before long the bottle was empty.

"She's here!" I here Trina yell out from the bathroom door. "What the hell are you doing?"

I growl at myself. I just wanted to get to my bed and be asleep before they got to me. I don't feel like talking to anyone.

"…Cat, what are you doing with this?" Trina says as she hold up the empty medicine bottle as I quickly brush my teeth.

"Nothing. I just want to get some sleep tonight is all." I say already feeling a bit drowsy. Wow those things work fast.

"….How many did you take?"

I shrugged. "Trina I just want to get some sleep. I don't feel like hearing anything you really have to say right now." I say putting my toothbrush back.

"Mom!" She calls out.

"Trina! Why are you calling her?"

"How many did you take because yesterday I swear I saw this bottle half full!" She says pointing to the empty bottle.

"I took all of them. I want to sleep for a while."

"You what!?" She screams dropping the bottle startling me a bit.

"What's going on?" My mom walks into the bathroom with tried eyes.

"She took the whole bottle!" Trina says in a terrified voice as she points to the empty bottle on the floor.

I watch as my mom looks at the bottle before her eyes widen. "You didn't!" She says running over to me and grabbing my face tight.

"I just want to sleep tonight." I say trying to get out of her grip but she holds me tighter.

"Oh my god! Trina call 911!"

"…What! Why?" I yell with as much strength as I can feeling myself start to dose.

I feel her yank me around so that my back was to her stomach before her fingers go into my mouth.

"..M…om!" I try say as I try to pull away from her causing us both to fall to the floor in which she grabs me tighter. I feel her fingers go further in my mouth as I weakly try to fight her off. I don't know what the heck is going on and I just want everything to stop!

Next thing I know her fingers are in the back of my throat, gagging me hard making me puke all over her hand and the floor. In the puke look to be all the pills I had taken minus maybe one or two.

I just turn to her with furrowed brows as I shake my head as she wraps her arms around me tight careful to leave her puke hand off of me.

"..Mom?"

"Cat…why would you do that?" She says in a cracked voice.

"I…I just wanted to sleep." I say as I hear sirens in the background.

"That would have killed you!" She says yanking away from me and looking in my eyes. "Are you trying to kill yourself!?"

My eyes widen. "N..no! Never, I just wanted to sleep."

"Baby you can't take any more than two of these they are very strong. I only take one and I'm out like a light. What on earth would make you think you could take so many?" She asks as she stands to the sink and starts to wash her hands.

I just shrug as my eyes got heavier. "She's there." I hear Trina say in the distance as unknown voices start to speak to me. But I don't know them and I'm not trying to. I feel myself being lifted from the ground as blackness takes over me.

* * *

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	21. Downhill So Fast

Chapter 20

_Downhill So Fast_

**[Tori's POV]**

I open my eyes slowly to a dimmed room and a soft humming of a machine in the background. Stretching, I yawn and turn over before wiping my eyes.

"Sleep well sleepy head?" An unfamiliar voice speaks to me as I try to adjust my eyes to the figure sitting across the room.

I watch as she stands up and walks over to the window before she opens the blinds letting the sunlight fill the hospital room as she turns to me and smiles. "Hi Victoria, how did you sleep?" She asks again in different words as she makes her way by my side. She's not my psychiatrist, Katelyn or my nurse, Lexi and she's definitely not Officer Haden. I've never seen this woman before and to be honest I'm not in so much of a mood to be meeting anyone new, but no one ever seems to care about how I feel about it.

I just nod softly as I pull myself up bringing my legs to cross Indian style. "May I sit?" She asks pointing to the now empty spot on the bed where my legs were stretched just moments before. I just nod again as I gesture for her to sit.

I sigh as I bring my hand to my head. I have the biggest headache right now. Maybe because of the meds they give me at night to help me calm and sleep without nightmares keeping me awake.

"Are you alright Victoria?"

"I just have a headache is all."

I watch as she reaches over and takes the small remote on my bedside before clicking a red button. "Nurse Lexi, Victoria here has a small headache. Do you have anything for her?"

It was silent for a moment before she spoke right back. "Yes I do. I'll be right there."

I watch as the lady smiles at me and puts the remote back. "Do you even have any idea who I am or why I'm here?"

I didn't hesitate to shake my head. "No ma'am."

"I'm Mrs. Dills. I'm here-"

"-Ooooh Mrs. Dills! I'm sorry! Lexi told me you were coming this morning, it slipped my mind. How rude of me. I'm so sorry." I say as I reach over and squeeze her hand. She side smiles as she gives a small chuckle. "No need to apologize. I'm sure there's a lot on your mind."

**KNOCK, KNOCK**

"I have some Ibuprofen here for you Tori. It should knock that headache right out." Lexi says as she walks in with two pills and a small cup of water. She hands me the cup and one pill at a time before making me show her that I actually swallowed the pills as if I didn't know how to swallow or something. "I'm sorry I just have to check. I know you wouldn't save them or anything." Lexi smiles at me as she pats my arm.

_Save them? For what?_

"This is Mrs. Dills your counselor for the next 6 months. You were sleeping when she came this morning so I just went ahead and sent her in." Lexi says as she takes the empty cup from me.

"Thank you Lexi."

"You are welcome Lady. I'll be back a little later. Your family is here and Katelyn will be by this evening. I'll send your family in as soon as you two finish up here." She says with a smile and a small wave.

I smile as I watch her exit before turning my attention back to Mrs. Dills.

"You can call me Ashland. I'm assuming you go by Tori?" She lifts a brow and I just nod.

"Alright Tori I don't want to take too much of your time today. I just wanted to stop by and let you see me in person. We'll be meeting up during the week once you get back settled at home. I want to apologize for everything you've been through. You seem like a very sweet girl and I can't wait to get to know you better."

I just smile as I put my head down. I don't want to talk to anyone. These people really think I'm crazy, I'm not. I'm okay, really I am. I told them I just need a little time and I'll be back to normal. I don't need counselors or psychiatrists. I don't need any more nurses or officers questioning me. I just want to forget everything but with all these people in my face reminding me every second, I can't! I just want to be left alone. I'll stop cutting and everything. I'll be okay. Just let me be, please.

"Are you okay? You're frowning pretty hard there?" Ashland asks me as she lifts my chin back up so our eyes can meet and I'm for sure they have tears in them.

"I just want to forget everything you know? I don't want to talk about it anymore. I just want to go home and get in my own bed and wake up tomorrow to my normal life. I'm tired. I'm just tired."

She lets her hand gently grip the side of my face as she locks eyes with me. "Tori we are only here to help. I know you think everything will be fine if everyone would just leave you alone but right when you close your eyes at night your brain will never allow you to forget. It's a trick your brain plays on you telling you you want to be alone, and then it's the worst mistake. You need someone Tori. You need the help we are giving you and we wouldn't be trying if it wasn't necessary."

I just sigh and nod. I really think I should be alone. I don't care much of what she's saying.

She rubs my cheek with her thumb. "It'll be okay alright? I promise. I'll see you once you get settled at home okay? Get more rest. I'll make sure your family is sent in to see you." She says as she stands and walks over to the door. She turns to give me a look of pity before turning and exiting the room.

I just sigh and lift my bed so I can sit back as I throw my head back. "Why me?" I ask to the open air as the door to my room swings open.

"Tori?"

I look over at the door to see Trina walk in and close the door behind her.

"Trina? Where's mom, Beck and Cat?"

She sighs as she walks over to my bed and flops down on it pushing me out of her way slightly. "So Cat is more dumb than I thought. I mean, I thought she had some type of sense but she doesn't. So please never give her credit of being smart."

"What Trina? What do you mean?"

"I walk in the bathroom last night. The faggot took a whole bottle of sleeping pills last night." She states before pushing her lips together tight. "Idiot right?"

"Trina! Never call her that! And what!? Is she okay!?" I ask sitting up as my heart starts to race.

She waves her in front of her face. "Whatever and she's fine. Mom gaged her and made her puke them up. It was so disgusting. She just got released the morning after staying in the ER last night. A police officer kept trying to "investigate" but everything turned out fine after mom explained her background and how she didn't understand what she was doing because she has the mind of a child. I just can't believe she really thought she could take a half a bottle of sleeping pills and be okay!"

"Well why did she take them!?"

"So she could sleep for a while." She mocks in Cats voice. "I've never seen her so stupid." She says as she starts to pick her nails.

"Trina!" I yell as I run my hand through my hair. "Where is she right now?"

"Mom is taking her home so she can rest. She said she'll be back later."

I sit back as I frown. "Why would she want to sleep for a while? What did she mean by that?"

"Damn Tori do I look like I know? Ask Cat!?" She says as she hops down from my bed and over to the small fridge in my room. "Do you got food?"

"No." I say before I roll my eyes and sigh.

"So how are you anyways? When can you come home? Not that I want you there. I've been wanting to turn your room into my own personal spa." She says as she turns to me with a smirk but it instantly disappears once she sees my look of hurt and shock. "Tori I'm kidding. Really how are you?" She closes the fridge and walks back to my side.

"I'm doing okay. I'm just ready to come home."

"Beck and I cleaned your room and got it ready for you to come home." She says as she reaches over and runs her hand through my hair. "Do you shower here? Your hair is so nice."

"Is that a compliment from Trina?" I tease as she jerks her hand back. "Fuck you then."

I laugh. "Of course I shower. They…they watch me though. It's kind of awkward."

"Well maybe it's because you are crazy Tori." She says pointing to my wrapped up thighs.

"Trina."

**KNOCK, KNOCK**

"30 minutes Jade then we have to go."

"Whatever."

I look up to see a frowned up Jade walk in with her arms crossed. "Ew, why are you here?" Jade asks Trina as she casually walks up to the opposite side of my bed.

"I should be asking you the same thing."

"Bitch."

"Whore."

"Guys!" I yell turning to Trina. "Please."

"Whatever I was just leaving anyways." Trina says as she mugs Jade. "I'll see you later Tori." Were her last words before she exits my room with a slam of the door.

I turn to Jade just in time to see her taking a seat in a chair next to by bed. Her hair was pulled up into a messy bun and her face wore no makeup. Her eyes were puffy letting me know she's been crying and it hurt me in a way that I can't really explain. I've rarely to ever see Jade cry and the fact that she has been…I don't like the feeling in my stomach.

"Jade?" I say as I sit back up and turn to her. "Are you o-"

"-I came to tell you bye." She says quickly before she turns her face from me.

_What?_

"What do you mean tell me bye? I'm not going anywhere Jade." I say turning by body all the way around to her.

"I know. I am."

"What do you mean you are?" I ask as she stays silent keeping her face away from me. "Jade?"

I hear her sigh but it was a shaky one. It's like she's trying to hold a cry in and I was about to let her know she can cry about anything but she stands up quickly wiping her eyes before anything can fall. "I have to go to a foster home across the fucking state." She says wiping her eyes again even though no tears are present. "I couldn't even trust her." She sighs. "But whatever." She shrugs as in shrugging whatever she's thinking off and I'm just so confused but I'm too afraid to ask. She looks so broken and fragile. What is going on?

"…Why do you have to go there?"

"Because I have nowhere else to go Tori!" She yells before she looks at me and her face shows regret. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to yell at you. It's just….I just came to tell you bye because who knows when I'll see you again. If I ever see you again." She chuckles trying to make a joke out of it but I can hear it in her voice how hurt she is. That this is in no way a joke.

"Jade what is going on? What's _been_ going on?" I ask without stating the real meaning behind "been". I just want her to know the exact question I'm asking without me having to explain what I mean and she does, she does understand it. I know because she takes a seat on the edge of my bed as a sigh escapes her breathe and she answers, "So much Tori" as her voice cracks.

I reach over and place my hand in hers tight. "Please talk to me."

She looks down at my hand before giving it a squeeze. "…I'm sorry Tori. I'm so sorry." She says as she finally breaks. Tears fall from her eyes slowly as she takes her free arm and wraps it around me tight as she rest her chin on my shoulder. "I wish I could take it back. I never meant to hurt you. I'm so sorry." She hiccups against me as I feel her chest rising and falling against mine in an unsteady rhythm and her breath of sobs falling into my ear.

"I didn't know you were going over. I would have stopped it from happening. I just-"

"Jade." I say as I pull her from me. "Has he always done this….to you?"

She wipes her eyes as she looks me in mine and swallows hard. She doesn't speak she just nods as tears fill my own eyes. My heart breaks for her as I let go of her hand and wrap both my arms around her tight pulling her back against me. "Jadeee, why didn't you tell me!?" I cry against her as she cries against me.

"I…I don't know Tori. I, I was so, so afraid of the outcome, and, and I was t,to stupid and s,selfish! I d,didn't think! I never thought h,he'd do anything like this to one of m,my friends. As long as I kept you g,guys away everything was fine! I was okay." She cries.

"No! No that's not okay! You were not okay!" I yell as I pull her from me and hold her face in my hands. "Jade, Jade oh my god." I say before bringing her back to me to hold her tight. The realization of what that monster has been doing to her for God knows how long hits me and it hits me hard. Jade hasn't always been the nicest but I still care about her so much! I would never wish anything like this upon her and I can't stand to think about how much pain she was in and how much she's now in and how much she will be in the future!

We stay like this for a long moment. Me just holding her as she holds me just as tight. Crying for each other, just being here right now.

She finally pulls away from me as she wipes her eyes. "Congratulations Tori, I'm officially weak and broken in front of you."

"You actually call me Tori now." I smile as I wipe my own eyes.

"…Vegas." She says as she tries to give me a hard smile but I can tell she still hurting so much which makes me frown even more.

"So….now they're taking you away?"

She just nods. "This lady I thought I could trust promised to help me, but like everyone else she fell through. They told her if she was going to adopt me to meet with the social worker this morning down at the police station, but she didn't show at all." She shrugs. "I mean I should have seen this coming anyways. Everything always falls through. There's no one I can trust. So whatever. I'll just…whatever." She looks at me with tears in her eyes before she lifts her head so they wouldn't fall as she takes a deep breath.

"You can always trust me Jade."

"Tori…don't. I'm done with trust okay. Don't start that." She says dismissing the subject quickly. "Why are you in mental ward anyways? Have they finally found the real crazy Vegas?" She chuckles but immediately stops as lift my gown showing her the bandages on my thighs and the small ones on my stomach.

"Tori!" She says as she puts her hand on one of my bandages and looks back at me. "What happened to you? Did he do that!?"

I just shake my head as I sigh letting my gown back down but her hand doesn't move. "What happened Tori?"

"It's why I'm here." I frown.

She looks at me silently waiting for me to speak as I sigh. "I…I cut myself sometimes, but it's not that serious Jade I swear. I never hurt myself too bad."

"What!?" She says lifting my gown back up. I watch as she roughly tears the bandage open so she could see for herself before her hand goes to her mouth at all my scars. "…Tori." She breaths out as she looks at me. "Why would you do something like this to yourself!?"

I didn't respond as I just look at her at a loss of words.

"Answer me damn it!" She yells.

My eyes become wide as I stutter a bit before finding my words. "I just…because it felt good to me. It's not that serious Jade just-"

"-It is that serious! Tori! You could have done some serious damage! Cut a nerve! That could have killed you!" She says removing her hand and putting them on my face. "Never do anything that that again, do you hear me?"

And I just nod because that's all I can do. Jade never been so….protective over me like she's been doing since I've been here. I never thought Jade cared about me in the way that she is showing me now.

"Jade, 10 more minutes." I look up to see an officer looking directly at Jade before she stepped right back out of the room.

She turns back to me and sighs.

"So…this is it?" I say as I look at Jade who has her head down.

"Yeah I guess." She shrugs her attitude back to sad and hurt. She slowly wraps my bandage back round my leg before wrapping her arms around me in a hug. "…I'm going to miss you Tori. I'm sorry again."

"Noo Jade." I say pulling away. "There's got to be something we can do. You can live with me! My mom can-"

She holds up her hand as she shakes her head. "Tori it's too late. I'm leaving. And that's that. Nothing will change it. I'll be fine." She says before scooting closer placing her hands on my face once more. Without warning she leans in and places a small soft kiss on my lips. "Take care of yourself Tori okay, please. I'll try to stay in touch some kind of way I promise. We can maybe-"

I quiet her by smashing my lips back to hers. My heart running a race I can't even keep up with as her tongue enters my mouth. My eyes close as our tongues meet softly and I just melt as I wrap my arms around her lower body pulling her closer to me. Our kiss roughens as her hand finds its way to the back of my head pulling me more into her mouth as a moan escapes someone's mouth. I'm not even positive whose. We broke away for a quick breath before going back at it. Tongues now at battle as nothing but small moans and heavy breathing could be heard.

"Hey Tori I have….oh."

The sound of Lexi's voice makes me pull away quickly as I try hard to gain back my posture. "I…I."

She lifts a brow before putting a covered up plate of food down on a far table. "So…there's brunch." She points before she side smiles and exits my room.

I bite my bottom lip as I turn back to Jade whose eyes are full of lust and lungs that are out of breath. She swallows hard. "….Well, I'll see you Tori okay. I promise I'll try to stay in touch." She says lowly as she stands to her feet.

But she can't, she can't go.

Instantly I throw my legs over the side of my bed before dropping to my feet. I wrap my arms around her in a bone crushing hug one she returned just as tight.

"…Jade.."

"I love you Tori." She whimpers in my ear. And at this point I didn't know if she meant as a friend or…or , or something else…

"I…I love you too Jade." I say anyways. Because I do love her. Definitely as my friend…

"No, Tori I mean-"

"-Jade, come on. Time to go." The officer said as she stands in the doorway with her arms crossed.

"You mean what Jade?" I ask turning Jade's head back to me since she turned to the officer.

She leans in and places another soft kiss on my lips. "Nothing matters now. It doesn't matter Tori. Please take care. I'm sorry for everything. I can't say it enough." She says as her hand falls into mine, squeezes it and then lets it go.

"Jade.." I say with teary eyes.

She's quiet as she walks over to the officer and lets her lead her out. I watch as she looks back at me with a single tear falling from her eye and I brake as the door closes.

_There has to be something someone can do! I can't live without her! I need her! And that's the last thing that I thought I'd ever say. _

I slide down the wall as I bring my knees to my chest and just sob like sobbing will change the outcome of all this, but it won't. And it never will. I can't believe the things she shared with me. How could…why didn't…ughhh!

I kick a table hard as my Katelyn walks in for my appointment. She rushes to me in a crying fit trying to get me to calm down and to talk and do this and do that, but I don't want to hear anything. I just sob. I just want someone to stop this and stop it now!

_Ughhhhhh! Why is everything going downhill so fast!?_

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_,_


	22. Welcome Home

**This is a short one guys! Please enjoy anyways!**

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Chapter 22

_Welcome Home_

**[Jade's POV]**

I walk slowly side by side with Officer Mays as I leave Tori's room and my heart just stops. It can't take anymore and I'm not going to let it take over my emotions anymore. I wipe my tears and shrug my shoulders. At this point there's nothing else I can do. And when I say nothing, I mean there's nothing and now I just…I just don't care.

I'm done with the tears, they don't help anything. I'm just tried. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of crying. I'm sick of it all. The last time in my life where I could just sit back and smile and say that life was good was before I turned 9 years old. Before Ron came into my life, everything was okay. Not the best, but it was good. Since then my life has been nothing but a living hell and I can't even ask my maker why I was chosen for this. Why me? I used to be strong. I used to be able to handle anything that came my way, but as the years slowly gone by my strength weakened and weakened until I had nothing left. It leaves me now crawling on my hands and knees begging, just begging for everything to stop, but it still gets worse. Where is the end to this? My grave? How long do I have to suffer? I can't take another day of this. I give up. I put all my hope in her and she failed me too. I can't…I can't. I don't even care anymore. I don't think, I don't listen I just walk as Officer Mays tells me everything that's going to happen. Everything she says goes in one ear and out the other as she tells me things about the new foster home, and my guardians names, and this and that. Okay, whatever.

"Kill me now." I thought I said in my head but apparently it was audible because Officer Mays puts her hand on my shoulder and stops me as she turns to face me. "Jade I know a lot has happened within this past week but I promise you everything will be okay from now on. You're going to a family that's-"

I put my hand up to stop her. I just don't want to hear any of it. "Don't feed me that shit. I don't want to hear it. I don't care. Those people aren't a family. It's a foster home and when I turn 18 what will happen huh? Will I be put on the streets? I don't care to hear any "comforting" words right now. I've heard them all before. Just please shut up and take me where you're going to take me and leave. Do your job as an officer, don't try to be a counselor to me. I don't want to hear it and I'm done talking with you about it." I say as I shake her hand off my shoulder and continue to the elevator.

I hear a loud sigh from behind me as she proceeds to the elevators with me and gets in. The ride to the first floor was silent. She stole a few glances my way but didn't speak again.

I close my eyes as I let my head rest against the walls of the elevators. I'm not going to think. Thinking leads to everything no good. I just really, really want to die. I really want to die and I shouldn't be afraid to do it and you know what. I'm not afraid to do it. If I can just do it quick it'll be over with. I won't have to ever worry about anything again. I mean it's not like anyone would care if I died. No one would be at my funeral. Tori…maybe Cat? Cat…god fuck her.

You know what? Don't fuck Cat. Cat has nothing to do with this. She has nothing to do with why my life is the way it is and to hate her so much would be in vain. I should have known she wouldn't do anything, she's….she's not smart enough. I can't blame her for that. She was being the best friend she knew how to be and that was keeping a secret I told her to keep. She did her best and I fucked her up for it. Damn! She's just a sweet innocent annoying little brat who's sprung over me for no reason. I actually wish her the best. I would apologize to her but she's not around so oh well.

I look up and sigh at how slow the fucking elevator is going. People getting on and off at every got damn floor. Go to hell bitches.

The elevator was empty again as it slowly made it way down the last 5 floors. I slowly look over at Officer Mays she looks straight ahead before my eyes fall to her gun strapped to her side. I can easily grab it shot myself and it'll be over. But if I do it, I have to do it fast. Even if I do fail, what do I have to lose? I can try.

I suddenly reach over and grab onto her gun her hand grabbing my wrist so fast I didn't think it was possible. "What do you think you're doing?" She asks as the elevator doors open to our floor but we don't move. Her hand is steady on my wrist holding it tight.

"I..I..I just wanted to see what a real gun felt like." I lie.

She looks at me suspiciously and removes my hand from her gun. "Never reach over and try to grab a gun from a cop. You're asking for trouble. If you want to hold it, just ask. I'll unload it and I'll let you hold it once we're in the car if it's that important for you to hold one."

_Well that defeats the purpose…_

We step out of the elevator and I just shake my head. Deep down inside I just want to scream and kick and shout like a 5 year old but it would do no use. No use at all.

We stop as another lady smiles and holds Officer Mays up like she's her long lost friend as I just sigh and cross my arms. I mean I'm in no hurry but I hate waiting on people.

I look around before my eyes land on the door as I see someone running towards it. I can't make out a face as I see the lady drop a paper and bend down to pick it up and suddenly loose interest as my eyes land back on Officer Mays and the other lady who's smiling and twirling her blonde hair in a flirty way.

_Gay bitch._

"Jade!"

I almost catch whiplash as I turn my head around to the familiar voice so quick.

"Dr. Valarie?"

"Ohhhh thank God you're still here!" She says running over to me and embracing me in a hug that I did not return.

"Where were you!?" I yelled at her. I'm so pissed with her right now but at the same time so, so happy to see her.

She tucks the papers that are in her hands under her shoulder before putting her hands on my face. "Jade I'm so, so sorry baby. I didn't mean to miss you guys this morning. Ariana has bad mornings sometimes and this was one of those mornings. My husband and I had to get her calmed down and once that happened I had missed the appointment. I'm so sorry."

I reach up and pull her hands away from my face. "It's over Valarie. I'm leaving. So, whatever now. Thanks anyways okay." I say trying to sound a little sympathetic but I know my words came out harsh and hurtful. I'm just so out of it right now. Angry, pissed. Nothing ever goes right for me. Her showing up it just a tease. She could at least have stayed away. Why tease me by showing your face? By showing me what I could have had.

"Jade-"

"Valarie it's too late now. Just leave okay. I really appreciate you trying to help."

"Jade baby, look." She says as she retrieves the papers from her under her shoulder and flashes them in my face and to be honest they look confusing. I don't even know where to start reading and I guess she takes in my confused expression before she points to the word adoption and then points to her and another unknown signed signature.

My heart drops as I look her in her eyes and she smiles the biggest smile. "Dr. Valarie…."

"I called the social worker and me and my husband met up with her and her "crew" and we got the papers signed. Even though it's a small process to get it approved, since I'm a registered foster parent you are allowed to stay with me until it's approved which it will be approved no doubt." She keeps her smile.

"Whoa whoa. Let me see those papers." Officer Mays as she turns around and takes the papers from Valarie and then olds up a finger saying she needs to make some phone calls before letting her blonde haired flirt take her to a phone.

I just shake my head. I open my mouth to speak but couldn't find words. I want to believe what's happening before my eyes but then again I don't because every time I get a little bit of hope it's crush by 100 pounds of despair. I can't grasp this. It's not real and I won't be tricked anymore.

"Jade, I'm so sorry if I let you down this morning. I've been working so hard on this since you asked for help. I love you so much and I don't want you hurting anymore. I know you've been through so much and I know I don't even know all of it, but I'm here to help. I didn't abandon you, I would never do that. I know you were discouraged this morning but I'm here now. Okay? Jade please stop making that face. I'm so sorry."

I don't even know what my face looks like. I just stare at her. I want to give in. I want to believe it but something is still telling me not to. I'm not getting crushed again. I'm not.

"Dr. Valarie can we have a word?" Officer Mays said as she walks back into the lobby with us. She hands back the adoption papers as she puts her hand to Val's back and walks with her away from ear shot from me so I couldn't make out a thing she was saying and I didn't try. I most likely already know what she's telling her. Most likely something about how it's not going to work out; how the papers are wrong, or how it's too late. Something isn't going to work out because that's life. Nothing ever works out. Nothing good ever happens.

I take a glance back at them just in time to see Officer Mays walking back towards me. "Well Jade looks like you've been adopted." She side smiles at me. "Take care of yourself okay? I was beginning to take liking in your snotty personality." She says playfully as she nudges me on the shoulder. "See you kid." She waves off as she walks towards the exit and walks out of the doors and just like that she's gone.

My heart rate starts to speed as my eyes land on Valarie who still stands at a further distance from me with a small smile. Her hands cross in front of her lightly as her head tilts to the side. "Jade."

My eyes fill with tears and my chest becomes tight as I let out a small sound. I'm not sure what the sound is, but it explains everything I'm feeling in no words.

"You don't have so stuffer anymore sweetie."

I just shake my head. "I…I still don't…I-"

"-I promised to help you Jade. I mean after everything you've told me you've been going through, how could I not? I've always seen something special in you. You have such a strong heart and you are such a strong young woman. You've held onto so much pain and went through so much misery and…" She stops as she shakes her head and wipes a tear. "You don't have to worry about any of that anymore. I want you to be happy now; to genuinely smile and laugh and love life. To have a family that loves you and cares about you so much and I'm here for that. No more crying, no more pain." She says in a cracked voice before she opens her arms wide. "Welcome home Jade."

Tears flow down my face as I let out a small sob before running to her like a small child and embracing her in the tightest hug I've ever given anyone in my entire life. I still don't want to believe it. There's still that feeling deep down that someone is going to come through that door saying it's all a joke, or I just wake up from a dream. This can't be real. I don't have a family and I never will.

"Shhh, it's okay Jade. I got you." She says as she rubs my back and it's when I notice how hysterical I am; the way I'm crying so hard into her shoulder and holding her so tight that I'm shaking. I don't want to let her go. If I do she might get away. I don't want her to go.

"Jade we're causing a scene." She whispers in a playful tone in my ear before I just shrug and still hold her tight.

She ends up having to pry me off of her as she wipes my tears and then her own but my hand still grips her shirt. If I let go she might disappear.

She doesn't say anything as she just looks me in my eyes and smiles.

"How did you know I was here?" I finally speak up using my free arm to wipe my face.

"They told me Officer Mays was bringing you by to see Tori. So I was praying that-"

"Tori!" I yell out as my hand went to her arm. I drag her with me as I run to the elevators and push the up button a thousand times until the doors open and I pull her in with me.

"Jade you don't have to pull me around." She chuckles as I push the door close and hit 13. The ride was agonizingly slow.

"Is Tori your best friend?" Valarie asks with her head tilted.

"Something like that." I say as we finally make it to her floor. I pull her out with me and rush to her room bursting through her door. I see her on the floor crying as an unknown lady tries to get her to calm down but it looks as if she's failing horribly.

"Tori." I say and she looks up at me with puffy teared eyes and I think I did that.

I let go of Valarie as I slowly sit down beside Tori.

"J…Jade what are you doing? Did you run away? You're going to be in so much-" I cut her off with a brief kiss to her lips before wrapping my arms around her. "I'm going to stay." I say as I look up at Valarie whose smiled up and leaning against a wall with her arms crossed.

This is just a dream. This isn't real. I…I can't believe it, there's absolutely no way that I feel this. This emotion, it's small but it's there and it's real. It's happiness. A real, true, genuine spark of happiness. And it hurts. It hurts because it's an emotion that I haven't felt in a long time and I just don't know how to handle it. And I do it the best way I know how.

I cry.

I cry tears of happiness. And it just….I've never in my life cried these types of tears with so much positive feeling behind them and god it feels so. Damn. Good. I get a chance to start over. I know I'm older than most but I still get a second chance at life to be happy. To believe that life isn't so bad and I'm so ready and I'm so blessed.

Tomorrow will be the first day of the rest of my life and I'm so ready for it.

And this is real. This is happening. This is real. This is happening.

Fuck!

_This….this is really happening…._

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	23. Starting Over

Chapter 23

_Starting Over_

**[Cat's POV]**

"Are you okay sweetie?" My mom asks as her hand reaches over and runs down the back of my head but I swat it away.

"Baby…what's going on with you? Is there something that you're going through? Something that you want to get off your chest? I mean, you know better Caterina. Did you do this for attention? Please talk to me." She begs as she drives me home from the ER after dropping Beck at Robbie's. I had woken there up this morning so confused as to what happened the night before until Trina refreshed my memory. Now everyone thinks I was trying to kill myself and they even had an undercover police come talk to me. I knew he was undercover, I saw his badge sticking from his pocket or maybe he wasn't a police at all. Either way I almost, _almost_ got into a lot of trouble, but they finally understood that I didn't understand what I was doing, but mom keeps saying to me that I knew better than to take the pills. That I knew they were going to kill me and I would never kill myself! I didn't know! I swear I didn't know.

I turn to her before just shaking my head and turning back to my window. "Why do you care now?" I ask in a low voice as she turns a corner.

"What do you mean why do I care now? I've always cared about you Caterina."

"Now who's playing the stupid one?" I say without even the slightest glance in her direction. She knows she's never been there for me besides the day she took me in. There were times I wanted to talk, times I wanted to just spend time with my mother but I couldn't and you want to know why? Because she stayed locked up in her room all day not giving a care about any of us! So why does she care now? She doesn't deserve to know anything that's going on in my life. It's none of her business! If I tell she'll probably just make things worse and I can't have that. Enough is bad as it is and I really don't need her judging me. I can handle this I can…no I can't who am I kidding?

"Excuse me?" She says as I just keep my gaze out of the window.

I just wish I can start over, my life I mean. I wish I can start over and skip over all the bad things that I know will happen in my life and just live through all the good but I know that can't happen and it makes me just want to curl up in a ball and cry like a baby at the thought.

What I need to do is straighten out my life because everything is just in a knot and I'm the one who put it there. Andre is right, I need to let things go…let her go and I can move on. She's the source of my unhappiness. Well a big part of it. Maybe if I just sit down and start to straighten things out little by little I'll make it through. But there's one thing that's always on my mind that I always push to the side and it's something only my mother can answer. It's something that I've been so confused about for most of my life and everyone keeps pushing it aside as well as if it's nothing. But I know something was wrong and I just don't understand everything and she's not going to push it aside this time. She's going to tell me and she's going to tell me now whether she wants to or not! I need to know! I just….I need to know…

"Mom." I say quietly as I turn to her.

The car comes to a slow stop in what looked to be sitting traffic as she huffed and ran her hand through her hair before turning to me. "What Cat? And who do you think you are? What do you mean by, _now's who's playing the stupid one_?" She looks at me with angered eyes and I just sigh as I look down at my thumbs that twirl around each other.

I give a small sigh as I shake my head. "I…I mean that…you…what happened to me as I child?" I just finally blurt out as I shake my head and look over into her eyes, my hands now flat in my lap

"..What?"

I look away. "What happened-"

"-Cat don't even start this. You know what happened."

"No I don't!" I say twisting my head back at her so fast I almost caught whiplash.

She lets out a huge breath as she looks back at the traffic that's moving so slow you wouldn't think it's moving at all before it completely stops. She gives a honk as she throws her head out of the window asking what the holdup is and of course no one answers before she brings herself back into the car. She glances at me once as she puts her arm in the window and leans her head on her hand. "Cat why are you asking this now? What's there not to understand?"

I throw my hands up. "Everything! I'm so confused? Why was I taken away? What was the court thing all about? The cameras? The videos? What was it all? I know something was wrong, but what? Was it something I did?"

"Baby no." She says in irritation before roughly putting the car in park and cussing under her breath. "Nothing was your fault Cat." She says with a sigh as she sits back and rubs her hands up and down her thighs as if to wipe something nasty from her hands. "it's just…complicated. You're safe now, it's been years Cat. Why don't you just let it go?"

And I do, I do want to let it go. And I've tried, I've tried to let it go, but I can't. I dream a lot and most of my dreams are when I was in that house. I was happy then. I mean, I don't remember not being happy. The biggest thing that saddens me is I miss my sister and my adoptive brother Nelson. I see Sinjin a lot, he goes to my school and to be honest we never talk at all. I've wanted to ask him about growing up in that house, but it always seemed awkward to bring it up when I had the chances so I never did. He doesn't ask like anything was a big deal so why should I?

I sigh as I sit back as my head falls to my lap. "Because I can't let it go. I just want to understand, that's all." I say not looking in in her direction.

Her hand finds its place on my thigh as she gives it a small squeeze. "Cat, I don't want you to worry about it okay? You're okay now. It's been so long ago. I thought maybe you had forgotten."

_Forgotten? Seriously?_

"I didn't forget!" I yell and I don't know why I yell. I guess…something just set me off, but to be honest I don't know what it was. I sigh to calm myself as I run my hand through my hair. "Can you just explain to me what was going on? That's all I need to know." I say as my eyes find hers once more.

She just shakes her head and removes her hand as she looks around at the non-moving traffic before she sits back and traces a finger over the stirring wheel. "…All they wanted to do was make money off of you Cat." She says in a low voice and I lean in so I could hear her better. "What do you mean?"

She turns to look at me with dark eyes. "It was all just a set up. They adopted you, your sister and those two other little boys just to make pornography videos."

And there's that word again. Pornography. It always comes up when someone is describing bits and pieces of my past.

"What is pornography?"

She scrunches her eyes at me as if the question was a dumb one before she softens her expression. "You told the judges that they told you to watch videos of naked people doing things to each other."

I just nod. I remember…

"Those were pornography videos."

"Oooh, well that's not bad? They showed me so I would know what to do." I say kind of relieved that I knew a bit of something even though it's not everything.

She shakes her head. "That is bad Cat because they had you doing it." She says with irritation in her voice.

"But if those people in the videos were doing it, how was it bad that me and my siblings were doing it?"

"Damn it Cat!" She sighs loudly as hits the wheel. "You're not stupid! Just think for a minute baby girl."

And I do, I really really do. I even turn away from her and close my eyes to think but there's nothing that's telling me why it was so bad. Why they got in so much trouble and why we were all split up. Maybe it's because…

"Was it because I was almost naked with Mike?" I ask in a low voice. I know this is all my fault now…

"What!? Cat no!" She says as she turns and grabs my face in her hands. "Cat what happened that day…I'm so sorry." She kisses me on the head before letting go of me. "Children being naked and doing those things you saw on that video is wrong Cat. It's called child pornography and it's illegal. They weren't supposed to have you naked or touching your siblings, or recording videos, or watching videos. You told me they told you you were a model. You were not a model. They told you not to tell anyone because they knew they would get in trouble for the things they were doing. It was not right to have you naked at any time under any circumstances if you were not simply taking a bath. Those people on those videos are grown men and women and it's a job they profess. You were not grown and it was not a job. They took the pictures and videos of you and your siblings and sold them to fucking perverts. I was told Mike was one of these pervs and wanted more. He was offering to pay to…to pay to have sex with you Cat and your "father" told him no. And that was apparently the same day he got you. The police found videos in his car of you and they end up searching your home. They found everything and they took your parents away." She says as she wipes her hand down her face. "I'm sorry about everything Cat, but it's over now okay? I hope that helped you understand a little bit better but I don't want you ever to worry again. All that is in your past. You're safe now." She sighs as she turns to look out of her window leaving me lost in my own thoughts and to be honest…I don't know what to think.

"…So….all this time….my parents, my dad….he was the bad one?"

She just nods keeping her eyes out of the window as I feel tears fill my eyes and I don't stop them from falling down my face slowly as I keep quiet as a mouse. My heart starts to ache a little and my stomach starts to do turns at the thought and before I could stop it…it was on her car floor.

"Caterina!" Mom yells at me as she cusses aloud this time. I mean it's not a lot…but…I couldn't stop it from coming up.

"Get in the back." She states agitated as she reaches into the glove compartment and pulls out a rag. She simply places it over the small amount of puke as I crawl to the back seat and just cover my face as I start to bawl. I couldn't keep quiet this time. It just…it hurts.

"Cat don't cry. I don't mean to yell. It's just been a long day and you've managed to get yourself into a lot this passed 24 hours." I feel her hand on my knee as I wipe my eyes and look at her. "Stop crying. I'm going to get you home and I just want you to lie down and rest for a bit okay? Don't get into anything. Just rest." The car behind us gives a loud honk before mom cusses again and turns forward to put the car in drive.

"What about my sister?"

"Tori?"

"No…my real sister?" I say leaning forward.

"Sit back Cat. You used to ask me this all the time and the answer is still the same baby. I don't know where she is. I'm sure she's fine wherever she is. Don't worry too much about it okay. Sit back; put your seat belt on." She says absent mindedly before I do what I'm told.

I just shake my head.

_I really wish I could start over._

* * *

It took us awhile but we finally make it home and I find myself curled up in my bed with small tears falling. I don't have a real reason to cry do I? I just feel sad. Maybe it's because I'm a crybaby. That's what Trina calls me sometimes. It is all in my past so why am I still worried? I have a family that loves me and takes care of me. So why am I so hurt?

Maybe it's because I hang onto too many things. My past, Jade, Andre, Tori, my stupidity. I just need to let everything go and get everything straightened out one by one like I told myself earlier in the car.

"Actions speak louder than words Cat." I tell myself as I turn over to stare at the celling. I can tell myself all day that I'm going to straighten things out but that doesn't mean I'm actually doing it. I think my life would be so much easier and I'd be so much happier if I did just sort everything out and talk to everyone and just make peace and I know who the first person to make peace with should be.

I reach over to my nightstand and grab onto my phone that tells me I have 50% battery power left. That's enough for one phone convo. She'll probably hang up anyways.

Scrolling down to her name in the J's I just stare at it for a moment knowing that right when I hit that call button she'll ignore it. But if she doesn't reject my call, then comes the bigger question…

_What will I say?_

Do I just start apologizing? Do I just talk to her causally? Do I hang up? What do I say?

I just sigh and take a risk, not even bothering going over some kind of pathetic speech she'd rather kill herself then to hear. It's worth a try whatever comes out of my mouth. I just want peace with her and with everyone. I just have to get things straight. If I don't get things straight with her….all this is pointless. It is.

**Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring**

I sit silently waiting for her voice message to pop up and my heart stops when it wasn't her voice message at all.

Jade: "Hello?"

_Ohmygod whatdoIsay? WhatdoIsay? WhatdoIsay!? WhatdoIsay!?_

Me: "Hi."

_Ugh Cat….what do you mean Hi?_

Jade: "..Cat?...Oh I didn't see my caller I.D. What is it?"

Me: "…I…I…I"

…._oh my god she's going to hang up!_

Jade: "Cat what do you want? To be honest…I don't want to hear it."

Me: "I…I know. I just….I just want to say…to say that I'm sorry."

Jade: "Sorry for what?"

Me: "Jade, I'm sorry for everything. For…for just bugging you all this time, and for calling you stupid at the hospital, and I lied to Tori; telling her you said some things that you really didn't, and for-"

Jade: "-Stop."

Me: "…Jade please-"

Jade: "-Cat…I can't even begin to explain the level of happiness I'm on right now and I'm not going to let you call me with some bullshit and fuck it up. I was thinking about the millions of different ways to hurt you. To make you suffer for the rest of your life for the bullshit you told Tori and for the bullshit of a person you are for how you spoke to me back at the hospital. But now….now I don't even give to shits about any of it, you want to know why? Because it's BULLSHIT and I'm done with the B.S. I am. I've started over Cat. All over, my life. I get a second chance and I'll be damned if I let you in to fuck it up."

Me: "But Jade, I just wanted to apologize-"

Jade: "-Your apology is accepted. Now please, stay out of my life."

Me: "….Jade I called to apologize and to start over with you and with everybody."

Jade: "Start over how? Cat to be honest, I don't think it's healthy for us to even be in a friendship. Something about you will make me hang onto to my past and I'm trying to let that go."

Me: "I am too! Jade we can let go together? Can we just…both of us, start over and just…be friends? I never meant to hurt you or anything and I just…please Jade? You mean so much to me and-"

Jade: "-Mean so much to you how Cat? See there you go already with the B.S. I don't want to be with you!"

Me: "I understand that Jade! That's not what I meant! I meant I care about you so much as my friend! And I love you so much as my friend! I'm moving on! I am. I just…you're my best friend Jade…and I don't have many."

And here they come…the tears….

Me:"…please Jade….just give me another chance too. I just want to be that best friend I was back then-"

Jade:"-And that's what I'm trying to let go of Cat. The past."

Me: "But the old me and the old you friendship was so good. It was the only time I felt…nice. I felt really happy when we use to hang out and just laugh and share secrets and just be Bff's. That was a good time in my past and I know it was a good time in yours. Please Jade…just give me a chance. We can both be happy again. We can."

There is a long silence followed by a loud sigh.

Jade: "I'll think on it Cat. I'm about to ride with my mom to get my sister from school."

What?

Me:"…your…your mom?"

Jade: "I've been adopted." She says and even though I know she tried to hold it in I could hear the joy in her voice. The true happiness.

Me: "What!? Oh my god Jade congratulations! Who are your mom and dad? And sister!?"

Jade: *chuckles* "…We'll talk later okay. I haven't even met my sister yet. I'm about to when we pick her up. I'll call you later okay? I have to go."

Me: "Okay…I'm so happy for you Jade. I..Ioh oh okay bye."

_What was that Cat?_

And with that the line was dead but a part of me was alive. Want to know why? Because she said "I'll call you later." Confirmation that she isn't so mad at me and that maybe she does want to start over. Maybe we can be the bestest of friends again. Oh God please let us!

I smile as I mentally check Jade off of my list before dialing a new number.

**Ring, Ring, Ring**

Tori: "Hi Cat."

Me: "Hiii, are you feeling okay today?"

Tori: "Yeah, I'm fine. They told me I can come home by next week."

Me: "Really!? That's so great Tor."

Tori: "You don't sound really happy? Do you not want me home?" *chuckles*

Me: "Noo, No no! I Mean No like yes! Yes I want you home. I just wanted to call and apologize."

Tori: "Apologize? What for?"

Me: "For not being there to save you. And for hating you because of you and Jade's….relationship? And the things I said that Jade said weren't true. I'm sorry for lying about it to make you angry with her. I was just being selfish and rude and jealous and I'm just so sorry Tori. I hope you're not so mad at me?"

Tori: "Of course I'm not mad at you Cat. And it's not your fault. I understand something's are hard for you. I heard what happened last night. Why did you take those pills?"

Me: "I…I just wanted to sleep Tor, I swear I didn't know they'd hurt me."

Tori: "But sleep why? Trina told me you said you wanted to sleep for a while. What does that mean?"

Me: "I just wanted to sleep because….everything was just hurting and building up. I just wanted to sleep it off."

Tori: "What is everything? Are you okay? You can talk to me about it."

Me: "I know I can Tor, but I'm getting everything straightened out. Don't worry. I'm fine. I won't ever do that again."

Tori: "Alright Cat. But if you ever need to talk, don't be afraid to call me. I'm here always. I love you no matter what."

Me: "Thank you. Same for you and I love you too Tori."

Tori: "I have to get going okay? For some odd reason they hate it when I'm on my phone for too long."

Me: "Oh okay. See you Tori. Love you again."

Tori: "Love you too mwah."

I hit the end call button as I smile to myself. I love Tori even though I hated Tori before. I was just being jealous. I have no reason to hate Tori because someone I like liked her. That has to be the most hateful thing I've ever done. I'm just so happy she's not mad at me and that she still loves me after all the lies I've told her.

I look at my phone percentage which says 32% before looking at my charger that sat across the room. I'm too lazy to get it. It'll be fine. I just have one more call to make. And it's more to reason with this person then to apologize…

_**Ring, Ring, Ring**_

Andre: "Wassup Lil Red?"

Me: "Hi."

Andre: "Are you okay? You sound upset?"

Me: "I'm just trying to get things straight with everyone is all."

Andre: "And how's that working for you?"

Me: "Good so far."

Andre: "Well that's always a good thing right?"

Me: "Yeah."

Andre: "Did you call me to vent about it? I'll listen, just let me grab some food…"

Me: *Giggles* "No Andre. I didn't call to vent. But you can still get food if you want."

Andre: "So what did you call for?"

Me: "…To talk about what happened last night…"

Andre: *sighs* "Cat I really didn't mean to disrespect you in anyway. I'm really sorry for how I took advantage and-"

Me: "-Not that part. What you said…about…about loving me?"

Andre: "What about it?"

Me: "Is it true?"

Andre: "….well yeah."

Me: "But why me?"

Andre: "Well…what's there not to love Cat? You're beautiful, smart, unique, you have a beautiful voice, a wonderful personality and you have one of the biggest hearts out of anyone I've ever known and I guess as the years went on…you just kind of stole mine."

Me: "Why did you wait so long to tell me this Andre?"

Andre: "I already told you. You were so busy trying when Jade over. Every time I had the guts to tell you you would come crying to me about how Jade did this and how Jade did that and how you love Jade and how you just want her to love you back. I didn't think that was a good time to just blurt it out, but I guess I couldn't hold it in much longer and my heart got the best of me last night."

I just sat in silence as I thought of something for a moment and I almost forgot I as even on the phone until I hear his voice.

Andre: "Are you still there?"

Me: "Uh yeah…"

Andre: "What are you doing Sunday evening?"

Me: "…nothing I believe, why?"

Andre: "Can I take you skating?"

Me: "Oh my gosh I love skating! Of course!"

Andre: "And maybe to dinner?"

Me: " Of cour-…oh…..you mean like….like a date?"

Andre: "You can say no. It'll be okay."

Me: "Uh…I…um…"

_What do you have to lose Cat? You're starting over right? Just do it. Andre's a sweet guy…you'll have fun…_

I nod to my thoughts.

Me: "Sure Andre. I'll go."

Andre: "Really!?...I mean…._cool_. I'll pick you up at 5:30pm Sunday?"

Me: "Sure Andre. It should be fun."

Andre: "Well alright. See you then Lil Red. And thanks."

Me: "Thanks for what?"

Andre: "For this chance. See you."

I just smile as I hang up the phone and toss it over to the side. Maybe something good, no _great _can come out of all this. Maybe I can have back my 100% loving sister, a best friend and even a boyfriend…whoa…..a boyfriend? Andre as my boyfriend? Whoa….that's…that's scary….

_I just hope I'm doing the right thing…_

* * *

**Thanks for reading guys! Sorry for the long update...I actually have a life now. :\**

**Anyways please tell your thoughts? How do you think Cat's going to feel when she finds out who Jade's sister really is? Do you think her and Jade will be best friends again? What are your thoughts on Cat and Andre?**

**Please review, I want to know! 3**


	24. Walking Steady

Chapter 24

_Walking Steady _

**[Tori's POV]**

"..for some odd reason they hate when I'm on my phone for too long…love you too, mwah." I kiss through the phone before ending the small chat with Cat. She called to apologize about things that aren't even her fault. I kind of understand where she's coming from at some points, but sometimes Cat just thinks harder than she should. I just hate that she holds back from me sometimes, like she can't tell me everything she's feeling. And trust me I do understand that, but we're sisters. I think we should be able to talk to each other about anything.

"Yeah right Tori, you always kept your secret." I say to myself as I run my hand over my wrapped up thighs.

_Ok but that's different._

I think.

**Knock, knock**

"Hey Tori, I'm back. Are you feeling a bit better?" I slide my phone under my blanket as I just nod to my psychiatrist, Katelyn who came in while I was having a crying fit earlier when Jade told me she was leaving for good. But it's all good now because she's not leaving. I mean I wasn't crying crying….okay I was, but it's because she's my best friend and I was going to miss her a little….okay a lot. I mean who wouldn't cry if their best friend was leaving? I think she's my best friend…maybe a little more…or….ugh shut up.

"Yeah, sorry about earlier." I say as I scratch the back of my head. She just gives a heartwarming smile as she slips all the way in and closes the door behind her.

"It's fine. What was all that about?" She lifts a brow as she grabs a chair and scoots it close to my bed.

"My friend was leaving so I was upset, but it's okay because she gets to stay now." I smile letting the feeling sink it. It really did hurt when she said she was leaving. The relief that took over my body when she came back is just indescribable.

"So what's your friend's name?" She asks as she tilts her head to the side and crosses her hands in her lap.

"Oh, Jade. We've been friends since we were little. We pretty much grew up together."

She nods. "I see. You care about her a lot too I saw."

I put a small piece of hair behind my ear as I give a nervous smile. "What do you mean exactly?"

"She kissed you? Are you two dating or-"

"-No." I cut her off. "I mean…no. We're just friends. I think her feelings just got the best of her on the moment." _Okay Tori lie, lie, lie._

Sigh. Okay I know some small things have been going on between Jade and I and to be honest I don't really know what they are because…we haven't even talked about it. It confuses me when she kisses me because…it's so…random. It's like…we have a secret relationship going on but neither one of us knows about it if that even makes any sense at all? I'm not even positive on how I feel about it myself yet. I mean yes I kiss back but I'm now questioning myself why exactly I do it? Is it because that just maybe I do have something for Jade? Ugh….I just don't feel like getting into this right now.

"What's on your mind?" Katelyn asks bringing me back from my sudden daydream. I just shake my head and give a nervous shake of my head before just letting out a small sigh.

"It's clear you and this Jade girl have something more than a best friendship going on?" She lifts a brow and smiles. "But we don't have to talk about that…yet. I want to talk to you about something more serious today." She says as she sits back in her chair and crosses one leg over the other. She slides her elbow over to the arm of the chair before resting her chin on top of her fist and looking me dead in my eyes. "You want to go home Tori." She says in a complete statement and I nod in agreement.

"And you can this weekend but we need to talk about something serious. Why do you cut yourself Tori?"

I throw my head back as I sigh in frustration. I already told these people it's nothing serious, that I really don't have a reason. What does she expect me to do? Change my answer into something she wants to hear?

"I don't have a reason. It just felt good is all. I've stopped? Does it really matter much now?" I ask as I throw my hands up and let them fall.

She uncrosses her legs and sits up. "Yes it matters Tori. You think it's not a serious issue, but cutting isn't just a thing people do for no reason. People don't harm themselves for fun Victoria. Why did you feel the need to 'feel good'?"

I just shrug. "I didn't…I just…it just felt good so I did it. That's all Katelyn, I swear."

"How did it feel good? What about it made you feel good?"

"I guess, I guess the pain of it? I don't even know. I just did it, but it's done. So why do we have to talk about it? I don't like to talk about it. It's over now." I say a second time trying to desperately get her to change the subject. There's no reason for us to talk about it. I don't do it anymore. Why talk about the past?

"So you like pain?"

"No!" I smack the bed. "I guess it was just a….relief somehow I don't knowww!"

"So when did you start?"

"I don't remember." I say turning away from her and really it's the truth because I don't.

"You told me it was a relief. A relief from what?" Her voice stays calm and collective and I sigh as I sit back more into the bed knowing there's no way out of this. She's going to question me all night no matter what I say. "..I guess from life." I say shaking my head.

"What about life drove you to it?"

I shrug as I stay silent. "Katelyn I really don't want to talk about it okay? It's over and done and it's in my past. I just want to talk about positive things in my future. Why can't we ever talk about that?"

She tilts her head. "Because I don't want what's happened to you with Ron to make you turn back to this." She says pulling my blankets down and ripping open the wraps around my healing cuts.

I instantly yank my blankets back up. "It's not! And I don't want to talk about that either!" I yell with tears filling my eyes. I hate to hear the name. it's been so easy to keep the thoughts of what he's done away with my mind occupied all day and medications to help me sleep at night. And to be honest…with even myself, I don't know what will happen when I'm sent home and they stop giving me medication. Maybe I will turn back to cutting. "Maybe it's just something that I do and nobody can change that. It's not like I'm killing myself! I'm not that crazy. If I feel good and I like doing it then that's just me! Why are you or anyone else worried about it! It's my body and I can do what I want to with it. So leave me the hell alone!" I shout and I don't even realize my thoughts turned verbal until the room goes silent and she's looking at me with furrowed brows.

"Tori…do you know how dangerous cutting is?" She says as she grabs onto my hand with both of hers. "You could get infections, Tori you could kill yourself. It's that serious." She sighs as she lays her head on my arm as she rubs my hand with her thumb. "I know you're not crazy Tori. I know this is how you deal with stressful situations and I'm here to help you find better relief. I'm also here whenever you feel the need to talk to someone, or if you ever feel alone, scared, depressed; you can talk to me about anything and I promise to help you. It's my job to help you. I know how hard it's going to be once you go back home after going through what you've gone through and I know you just want to return back to your normal teenage life. I know you have this all in your head how easy it's going to be to push everything behind you but sweety I'm talking reality when I say it's not that easy." She lifts her head so she can look into my eyes. "But you're not alone Tori and I'll help you through it. I'll be there when you go to court and I'll be there when you go home. I'll be there whenever you need me and so will Ashland, your counselor and so with your family and friends. You don't need this." She points through the sheets to my thighs. "I love you." She says before standing up and wrapping her arms around me and I couldn't help but sob.

It's been a long time since I had elders who I really feel like gives a crap. I know I have my mom , but sometimes I feel she just doesn't care. My dad is long gone and who's left? Beck is always there for me, but he isn't a real adult and sometimes he makes promises I know he can't keep because he's just too young. Same goes for Andre and even Jade. It feels so good to have this…woman who wants to help me and who actually cares and took the time to ask _why?_ My mom never even knew…

Going home won't be easy. I still have a lot of things to face from all this. If I could just have one wish, just one, it'd be for all this to be over and everyone just to be happy. But it's life right? No one said life would be easy, but I never asked for one? Okay now I'm just being selfish to myself. I need to look on the bright side of things. It could be worse right? It always could be worse, but it's not. I can still do so many things and I'm grateful for that. The fact that I can even wake up and stand to my feet in the morning is already a blessing and I count so many more. I'll get through this, I'm strong. I think I'm strong. If I'm not I'm sure as heck going to have to be now.

_I'm just going to keep my head up and walk steady…_

* * *

**[Jade's & Tori's Text]**

Tori: Hey…what's up?

Jade: Not much. We're on the way to get my sister from school, but we got stuck in traffic. What's up with you?

Tori: Not much. Wow…how does it feel to have a new family?

Jade: To be honest Tori it's amazing. I can't even describe the feeling, it's just crazy. I feel like I'm going to wake up and it was just all a dream. It hasn't just sunk in sunk in you know?

Tori: It's not a dream Jade, and I can only imagine how you feel.

Jade: When are you going home?

Tori: Hopefully by the weekend. That's what I was told.

Jade: I'm so sorry.

Tori: Don't be, it's not your fault, I'm sorry too.

Jade: It's not your fault either Tori.

Tori:…..Jade?

Jade: What?

Tori: Do you know you're calling me Tori?

Jade: Yeah that's your name isn't it?

Tori: Lol so what happened to Vegas?

Jade: It got old I guess….

Tori: Oh really?

Jade: Really

Tori: ….

Jade: What is it?

Tori: It's just….what are we?

Jade: What do you mean?

Tori: You know what I mean….

Jade: I do?

Tori: Yes you do.

Jade: Well tell me what you mean that I know you mean?

Tori: Jade!

Jade: …okay, I don't know Tori honestly

Tori: Neither do I….

Jade: Well…okay.

Tori: That's all you have to say about it? Is "okay"?

Jade: No I have more.

Tori: Well tell me something?

Jade: How about we discuss it over dinner once you get home. Nozu, old times?

Tori: Okay sounds good.

Jade: I'll pick you up.

Tori: Okay that's fine. (smiling emoticon)

Jade: And we can go to a movie.

Tori: Ok what's…wait….this kind of sounds like…?

Jade: A date? It is.

Tori: So you're asking me on a date?

Jade: No I'm politely telling you you are going on a date with me once you get home.

Tori: So I have no choice?

Jade: Correct.

Tori: …

Jade: Get that goofy grin off your face, I know it's there VEGAS. I'll talk to you later, we're pulling up at the school. I'm actually excited to meet the new little brat.

Tori: Okay. I'm so happy for you and….I do accept your invitation on the date. (smiling emoticon)

Jade: Did you have a choice? You wouldn't have rejected anyways. (winking emoticon)

Tori: Boy don't we have a lot to discuss…

Jade: Indeed.

* * *

**Thanks for reading guys!**

**So It's about time we see some Jori happening huh? Please Review, Let me know what you think.**


	25. Get A Grip

Chapter 25

_Get A Grip_

**[Jade's POV]**

"So what do you like to do for fun?" Valarie asks me as we sit in traffic. We're on the way to pick up Ariana, my "sister" from school, but from the looks of it we're going to be late. An eighteen-wheeler has flipped to its side in the middle of the road not far from her school. If you don't know how to handle one, don't get behind the wheel because this is the type of shit that happens. _Dumb asses…_

I shrug. "Nothing."

"So you're telling me you have no type of hobby?"

"Nope." I say with a pop of my "p" but instantly sigh. I don't want to sound like I have an attitude towards her. She's went out of her way just to make sure I'm happy, and that I have a home with someone I at least know. She saved me from a lot of things I really didn't want to go through so my shitty attitude has to lay low when talking with her. I owe her my life. Don't bite the hand that feeds you Jade.

"..I mean…none that I know of." I correct myself giving her a quick glance and she just smiles at me.

"Well that's okay. We can find out what your hobby is. We just have to explore." She winks and to be honest I don't know how to feel about that.

"…Um...okay." I say turning away from her to look out my window. Nothings there but angry drivers and loud sirens.

"Jade it means we'll hang out more and explore different things like sports, music, writing…" She says as if she knew I wasn't sure.

I turn back to her with a side smile. "I like music…I've tried to write some, but it's not any good."

"I bet it's wonderful? Where is it?"

I put my head down. "In my room at home." I say before looking back to her. "I really don't want to go back there." I say with pain in my chest. The single thought of having to ever step foot back in that house makes me sick to my stomach. It makes me want to punch something or someone as hard as I can. It makes me want to just…just scream. I never want to go back there. Ever. And no one can make me, not even her.

She reaches over and puts a soft hand on my face. "First of all you are 'home'. Your home is with us. Secondly, you'll never have to go back there. I'm having all your stuff from your old room shipped over as soon as possible. Nothing else but your stuff. If there's anything else you want from that house just let me know by tomorrow morning so it can be added to the list. Don't worry about any of that baby. It's taken care of. Even your car."

I just nod as I let out a small breath I didn't even realize I was holding. That house holds so many horrible, just horrible memories. The memories I just want to erase from my mind but I'll never be able to. I just have to live with them the rest of my life, but I know it's over now so they aren't so hard to deal with. Well, I hope it's over now. I just hope this isn't some kind of sick dream I'm having, because if it is, I swear to God I'm going to kill myself when I wake up.

"So you never really answered my question about the Tori girl?" She lifts a brow and side smiles. "It's okay if you're into chicks. I don't judge."

I shrug. "I don't know what we are, but I did just ask her on a date." I say flashing my phone to her with a smile.

"Ooooo a date. Where to? Somewhere romantic?" She changes into a deep voice as she puts a hand over her heart and bats her eyelashes.

A small chuckle escapes my lips and I instantly confuse myself at the feeling. It's so new to me. A chuckle…that's so close to a laugh. I don't think my brain even knows how to work up a laugh to be honest…

"Just to Nozu and a movie." Wow my date suddenly sounds lame. I don't want to disappoint Tori, I really hope she likes… _whoa, wait what!?_

_Did you just say you don't want to disappoint Tori?_

Yeah…There's definitely something between us. I just don't know what it is. She just draws me to her. I mean…she's so sweet why wouldn't I be attracted? She's kind and caring. Always there and patient. And she's…pretty, she's really, really pretty.

"…Someone's blushing hard over there." Valarie interrupts my thoughts and I instantly realize I'm sitting with a goofy smile plastered across my face causing me to lose the smile and turn from her. Now my face is probably red from embarrassment. _Way to go Jade. Way to go._

We finally bypass the traffic and before long we were pulling up into the carpool of Ariana's school. I mean for a secondary school this shit is pretty big. All the kids are waiting outside in cliché school girl uniforms impatiently waiting for their late rides.

"…Is this an all-girl school?" I ask looking around seeing not one male student in sight.

"Yes, she doesn't do so well around guys sometimes. So we enrolled her here." She says as she texts away on her phone.

I was going to question her until the back door opening and slamming shut grabs my attention as I look to the back.

"Hi mom, the traffic must have been crazy! You're about an hour late!" Ariana says in a voice that sounds like it should belong to someone twice her size.

"Sorry babe, how was school?" Valarie asks as the car starts to pull off and then she glances at me.

"It was fine." She answers Valarie as she looks me over and God she looks familiar. I swear I know this chick…

"Oh…you must be Jade. Mom told me about you." She smiles at me revealing one small dimples on the left side of her face and I know I fucking know her. Just let me think…

…

"Jade?" Valarie taps my shoulder. "Are you awake…"

I just lift my hand to quiet Valarie as I squint my eyes trying so hard to remember her face and I swear she's doing the same thing with me as she tilts her head to one side. "Do I know you?" She asks me first and now I _know_ I know her. "I was going to ask you the same." I say.

She lets out a small giggle that sounded so much like….like…

"FUCK! ARIANA!" I yell smacking the seat, my heart pounding hard against my chest.

"Hey! Jade we don't use that type language. And what's going on you almost made me wreck!?" Valarie yells at me as my mouth drops.

"…What?" Ariana shakes her head in confusion.

"Ariana! It's me, Jade! Don't you remember!? I used to come over to see Cat all the time when we were little!" I say sounding overly excited and when I notice, I drastically calm myself into a more casual approach. "I'm Cat's friend…"

Ariana just looks at me funny as she shakes her head as if she's trying so hard to remember and she was so young back then…she probably won't remember like I do.

"..Cat? My…my sister?"

I just nod. "Don't you remember?"

She looks down for a moment before her eyes widen and she looks back up at me, a small smile creeping onto her face. "…Jadey." She says using the nickname she originally made for me that Cat stole soon after.

"….Okay what's happening?" I hear Valarie say as the car comes to a stop. From the corner of my eye I can see her looking back and forth from me and Ariana. "You two know each other?"

"Oh my gosh! It's really you!" Ariana says as she undoes her seatbelt and throws her arms around me the best way that she can with limited movement in the car.

"Ari please put your seatbelt back on. Gosh how do you two know each other? It really is a small world…" Valarie snickers to herself and then growls at the traffic we are now stuck in once more.

"Cat…is she…are you two still friends? Is she still around!? Oh my gosh can I see her!?" Her voice rising as she asked each question and I couldn't help but just smile and look over her. She looks so much like Cat, I don't even know how I over looked her for the small amount of time that I did.

And Cat…

Oh my God Cat is going to be so happy! She is going to be…Oh my god!

"Yes!" Was my reply as I turn around quickly retrieving my phone from the cup holder and dialing Cat's number as quickly as possible.

"Hello?" Cat answers in an confused voice and I wouldn't blame her…I never call her and we just got done talking not long ago when she called me.

"Cat! Oh my gosh. Guess. What!?" I yell into the phone. Knowing I'll be the one to fill an empty hole will just make me today.

"Is that her!? Is she on the phone!? Oh Let me talk, please!" Ariana scoots to the edge of her seat trying to grab my phone from me but I yank back and that's when I instantly get a new idea.

"What is it Jade?" I can hear the excitement in Cat's voice and I just smile.

"….Um Cat…I'll call you tonight okay?"

"…Um okay Jadey."

I hit the end call button as I just smile to myself.

"Why did you hang up!?" Ariana yells at me so eager…she's so so eager.

"I have a better plan. You'll see her tomorrow. Okay?"

"But can't I just talk to her please Jadey? I didn't even know if she was still alive. I gave up on ever talking to her again. Please call her, please." She begs with puppy dog eyes and to be honest it takes everything in me to reject her again, but I'm only saying no because I have a better plan. A better plan for them to meet in person. Oh it'll be great.

"….Okay…so….I'm so confused right now." Valarie throws her hands up and leans against the stirring wheel.

I turn to Valarie and simply explain how she's my friend sister from back in the day and Valarie pretty much knew everything from when they were split up. She finally realized the sister Ariana has been telling her about is my friend Cat.

"Oh my God…and even smaller world. Well lets go see her!" Valarie suggested and Ariana quickly agreed but I shook my head.

"Please tomorrow….I kind of want to make it a surprise thing for Cat." Yes, I'm thinking of her. I mean mad at Cat or not, which lately I haven't been, this is something that will be so delicate and life changing for her. I have to make it perfect. I want to do this…to introduce her to her sister, to give her this life changing gift.

Valarie smiles at me then at Ariana who is sitting with her eyebrows furrowed and a frown. "Pleaseee." She begs one last time and I shake my head.

"Let Jade take care of it. I'm sure it's worth the small wait." Valarie winks as traffic starts to move."

* * *

"Alright Jade, home sweet home." Valarie says as we walk into the front door of my new…my new_ home_. I always used to say it takes a family to make a house a home…and this, this is definitely a home and let me say it's pretty darn big.

Pictures hang on the walls that are all accented in a different color making the home bright and happy. Stairs spiral up to the second floor in the living room and all the floors are a dark hard wood. Such a pretty home.

All of a sudden a huge dog comes running up to me and jumps on me almost causing me to fall onto the floor and let me say there's nothing I hate more than when people's dogs jump all over me. _Get your fucking dog._

"Oh that's Lady. Girl get down." Ariana says taking the Retriever by the caller and pulling her down. "She's just happy to see you."

I force a smile at the dog before Valarie calls for me to follow her upstairs to my new room.

I let my finger side up the wooden rail as we make our way upstairs. I kind of just want to touch every part of the house to see if it's really real. To see if I wake up from this dream anytime soon.

"Okay Jade, here is your room. It used to be for guest but we have two guest rooms already so this one is now yours. If you want we can remove this bed and bring in yours so-"

"No!" I yell before clearing my throat. "No….this bed is fine. Please burn my old one."

There's just so many bad memories on my old bed. I was hoping that wasn't something she planned on shipping.

"Oh…you don't want your old bed? Wh….ohhh. Oh I understand Jade. I'm sorry baby. You can have this one. That's fine." She says putting a soft hand to my back that I slowly walk away from. I don't want too much comfort. I'm already weak enough as it is.

I let my hand trace the end of the bed before walking over to the window at a nice view of the backyard. I mean the room isn't gigantic or anything, but it's a perfect size. I'm not complaining at all. I kind of just stand there and close my eyes for a moment trying to soak it all in so that if I do wake up from this dream I can remember what it feels like to have this.

"Do you need a moment Jade?" Valarie asks causing my eyes to pop back open. I slowly turn to her and shake my head.

"No, I'm fine. Thank you Valarie…thank you for all of this, you didn't have to."

She smiles before walking over and embracing me in a huge hug that I return. "I just want you to be happy. You are very welcome sweet girl." She pulls back giving me a kiss on my head. "I'm going to get dinner started and Dean should be here any minute. You can just hang out and see the rest of the house or see what Ariana is up to. She's has some nice recording equipment for her music in her room. Maybe you guys can play around with that." She says as she puts her hands in her pockets. "Welcome home babygirl." And with that she's walking slowly from my room.

It wasn't long at all that the front door was slamming shut and my and Ari's name was being called downstairs for dinner and for me to meet Dean. My new dad.

"Jade this is my husband Dean. Dean this is Jade. Sorry you two never got the chance to catch each other. After the signing, he had to get to work." Valarie says with her hands on my shoulder standing me in front of this man…this tall buff man with huge muscles and green eyes.

Ron has muscles and green eyes too…

"It's so nice to meet you Jade. Welcome to our family." He says politely before reaching out his hand that automatically causes me to flinch and step back.

"Dang…is there something on my face?" He makes a joke at my rejection taking his hand back and wiping his face.

"Jade? He was just trying to shake your hand." Valarie states in a warning tone because she knows I can have an attitude towards people. I mean I've been working on it as you can see I am nicer but it's not even that. I just…I didn't want to shake hand because…I just didn't want to.

_Okay maybe that is an attitude….Jade lose it._

I reach out a shaky hand to him and smile. "Sorry." I blurt out quickly as he takes my hand in his with a firm grip and everything in me wants to snatch my hand away but I don't give in. He gives a firm shake and then releases me.

"Nice to have you. Can't wait to get to know you Jade." He smiles and my heart drops.

_Get to know me how? How does he want to get to know me? What is that supposed to mean?_

_Ugh Jade get a grip._

"So what's cookin' in the kitchen? Smells good babe. How was the rest of your day?" He kisses his wife casually as they both walk towards the kitchen, their voices trailing off.

"Well aren't you coming?" Ariana says as she passes me and walks into the dining room.

"Here, you and Jade set the table." Dean says handing Ari some plates and silverware.

"You can do the eating utensils. I'll do plates and napkins." Ari says happily handing over the forks, knifes and spoons.

I look down at the silverware before glancing back up at her where she's now humming to herself and placing a plate down perfectly and then a napkin beside it at each seat.

"What are you doing Jade? Come on." She says waving for me to start.

"…I..I um, I don't know what to do.." I say slightly embarrassed…

_Is this something I should know?_

"You what!? Have you never set a table before!?" She asks in shock and I just shake my head. I didn't even know people actually did this. It's always something that I saw on television. I didn't think it was reality. We used to just eat on the couch in front of the T.V. or bring in fast-food and sit at the table occasionally. Never this table setting shit.

"Whoa." She says in shock as if I told her I never used toilet paper before.

"It's fine." Valarie comes in and takes the silverware from me as if she were watching us the whole time. "I'll show you how. It's simple watch." And I do. I watch she places each fork, knife and spoon down at a specific spot and explains why they are set that way before letting me do the next setting. I mean it wasn't hard or anything. I got it right, it's just now I feel stupid, like I should have known.

And here I am feeling stupid once again as we all are seated at the table and Ariana grabs my hand while Valarie has her out for me across the table. "What are we doing?"

"We're saying grace. Do you want to say it?" Valarie asks and I just shake my head. "What's a grace?"

"Where have you been all your life!?"

"Ariana!" Valarie and Dean both scold her at the same time before Dean just shakes his head and Valarie sighs.

"It's giving thanks for our food."

"To who, God?"

"Yes." Valarie answers with a nod.

"I don't believe in God." I quickly blurt out and wish I hadn't when I hear the gasp Ari's makes, the choke in Deans throat, and see the frown on Valarie's face.

"You've never prayed before?" Ari asks in a sad tone and I nod.

"I mean yeah, but I never actually thought anybody was listening. I just do it to do it." I shrug.

"We're not discussing this right now." Valarie says in a dismissive tone before she makes us all bow our heads and she says grace.

Dinner wasn't bad at all. It was all so new to me though. The whole thing from the tale setting to saying grace to passing food around the table and asking to pass the salt. My mom and Ron never done anything like this or even when it was just me and my mom. We always just ate in front of the TV, I thought that's what most family's did. Even Tori's little perfect family ate in the living room.

"Jade do you mind washing dishes tonight?" Valarie ask as I help "unset" the table. At least it's easier than setting it.

_At least I can't screw that up…._ "I can do that." I nod walking to the kitchen with my plate and an empty pot putting it in the sink before starting the dish water and quickly start to scrub the dishes as she brings the rest in.

"Baby." I hear Valarie's soft voice behind me as she puts her hands on my shoulders and puts her head to my back. "We have a dishwasher. Just rinse the plates off." She chuckles a bit before removing her hands and walking away.

_Fuck…_

Embarssed for the 100th time today I let the soapy water out and begin to rinse the dishes and set them in the dishwasher as nicely as possible.

"Hey I have one more." I hear the voice of Dean from behind but I don't turn around. I hear his footsteps getting closer and I freeze with the glass plate in my hands as the water runs over it before slowly turning and bending down to put it in the washer. My eyes catch his feet approaching on the floor and I see his arm reach out.

In one quick motion I jerk up my back hitting something hard that falls to the floor and breaks the sounds making my body jump.

"…Aw Jade. I thought I could get it in the sink before you lifted up." He laughed. "Are you okay? It didn't cut you did it?" He ask with real concern as I just shake my head and look around but no one was there but me and him.

I watch as he walks over and grabs a broom before coming back to sweep as I slowly back as far into the corner of the counter as I can with him moving closer and closer until he was right in front of me.

"Jade…you're standing on glass. Can you please step aside a little so I can get it. Good thing you have shoes on, your foot would be cut for days. How bad would it look for us to rush you to the ER on your first night? Great parents huh?" He chuckles as I just watch every move he makes.

"Jade seriously can you stand over a bit?" He asks again and I slide over a bit but I don't want to walk passed him. I like the corner.

"…Jade really?" He says grabbing the bottom of my ankle and I scream. I don't mean to scream, I don't mean to have the whole family rushing into the kitchen and Dean backing away with his hands up with a bewildered look on his face.

_Ugh Jade, what has gotten into you, he just wanted to get the glass! _

"Dean? Jade what's going on?" Valerie asks with wide eyes.

"I…I I was just getting the glass and…I think…I don't know what happened. I really don't know." He puts his hands up.

"Jade?" She turns to me and then looks at the glass.

"Did you do this?"

I shook my head. "I mean…yeah but I didn't mean to…I…I knocked it out of his hand by accident and…and…" I feel my eyes fill with tears as my voice hiccupped before just covering my ears and running from the kitchen up to my room.

I hop on my bed in a ball before just letting tears flow and I don't even know why. Why am I crying? What the heck is happening? What was that?

I know it can't be that…that I'm afraid of him or anything. He's a nice guy I know it. I'm not afraid I'm just…it's just. I don't know what it is. I'm very safe here, and I know I am so what's the problem Jade? Huh?

_I'm okay….I just need to get a grip and let go of the past._

_But why is it so hard?_

* * *

**Thanks for reading guys**

**Trying to update sooner I hate to keep you guys waiting.**

**What do you think about Jade and her reactions to Dean? What do you think Jade has planned for Cat and Ariana's reunion? Favorite parts? Least favorite parts?**

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